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                      What is Gray Divorce

                      Dr Vidya Hattangadi by Dr Vidya Hattangadi
                      January 6, 2025
                      in GENERAL, People and Trends
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                      Gray Divorce

                      Gray divorce is a term used to describe the increasing number of divorces among couples who are over 50 years old and have been married for several years. We see marriage is treated s burden these days. Traditional views of marriage as a lifelong commitment are shifting.

                      A couple who has lived together for four-five decades go for divorce, which is surprising.  Our societal values  are shattering, the bond between two people is fading away. People want to enjoy individuality. People are seeking more freedom to pursue their interests and hobbies. They don’t want to be tied down to marriage. Young people are choosing to live together without legal or religious serenity.  Even older people opt for live-in relationship, which has lesser bindings.

                      The Supreme Court of India has granted legal and constitutional sanction to values like same-sex marriage and inter-religious marriage. The idea of adopting a child is becoming more popular. People are considering marriage as a responsibility and are focused on their careers and personal growth. A culture of competition, comparison, and disappointment has affected expectations and demands of married partners. 

                      After living for thirty/forty/fifty years together, couples realize they no longer have shared interests or goals after their children grow up and leave home. Other factors include increased life expectancy, financial independence, and shifting societal norms. 

                      This trend is on the rise with the increase in people living longer and seeking more out of life when they get older. Other factors such changing expectations within society also contribute to the rising numbers of grey divorce. Lifestyle adjustments, such as changes in living arrangements, financial and emotional impacts, the need for assistance with healthcare are also some of the causes. The complex legal implications of updating wills and changing the beneficiaries is adding to the challenge. According to the government data, divorce rates among middle-aged and older adults have increased since 1970. In 1990, 8.7% of marriages among people over age 50 ended in divorce, but by 2019 that number had grown to 36%. Older couples argue over retirement savings and pension plans. Divorce becomes  financially devastating, and older adults have less time to recover. Also, infidelity is a leading cause of divorce. 

                      People prefer living with a pet instead of a human.

                      Nothing compares to the joy of coming home to a loyal companion. The unconditional love of a pet is more precious that keeps you company. Pets may also decrease stress, improve heart health. People prefer living with a pet instead of a human.

                      Domestic violence can include physical, verbal, sexual, emotional, or economic abuse. Drug  or alcohol addiction can cause chaos in a marriage and home. According to the Gottman Institute (a research institute working on relationship) contempt is the greatest predictor of divorce. People are easily growing apart. Incompatibility becomes more noticeable as people grow older together.  Finding a balance, respecting each other’s needs, and creating a space for solitude and togetherness can help build a healthy and compatible relationship.

                      As women have become more financially independent, it has become easier for older couples to divorce and support themselves financially after their marriages end. This has made it easier for older couples to end their marriages without having to worry about financial consequences. People are very self-centered, listening to only what matters to them. I think one more reason is nuclear family system. The second reason being social media allows us to vent our opinions and therefore, we see many different opinions bashing each other. This was earlier going on in our brains. There was not outlet for this. Now, we have an outlet. Thus, we see more intolerance. People are getting emotionally detached easily.

                      Emotional detachment can affect a person’s physical, psychological, emotional, and social development. However, it can also be helpful if used purposefully, such as to set boundaries with certain people or groups. 

                      The institution of marriage is losing its serenity. One of the most significant causes of gray divorce is the changes people experience as they age. Growing apart is the most frequently cited reason for divorce at any age. For older adults specifically, aging represents a big change, and people’s priorities, interests, and needs obviously shift as they grow older.

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