Franz Brentano (1838-1917) is known as a founder of structural psychology; structuralism is a theory of consciousness that seeks to analyse the elements of mental experiences. Brentano proved that what the mind does is something different than what it contains within. Brentano said that human mind craves for things that he does not have. By craving something what we usually cannot have, our desire increases. We want what we can’t have.
A food craving is a strong desire for a specific type of food. One might crave for sweets though he is advised by doctors not to consume them; while someone else may crave for spicy food. Each individual craves for different things. Does having everything we want make us totally happy and forever? The constantly changing world cannot bring constant, permanent happiness. We may have what we want but it cannot last forever or continue to satisfy us forever.
According to Brentano, every mental phenomenon is directed towards itself as a secondary object; our inner perception is a form of device on the basis of which we become aware of our own mental miracles. While the world is constantly changing, our own desires are also constantly changing. It is in the nature of the human mind that it does not remain satisfied for long. Some things may bring us a lot of pleasure for quite a long time, but we are always wanting something better or something new. For example, craving for having physical relationship with a colleague at workplace; attention seeking from every senior in organization; eyeing a promotion without having the core competence…etc. In short, a chase for pleasure can often lead to committing crime.
Many desires are a normal healthy part of life. But some desires are for things that are not conducive to wellbeing. Some desires distort the way we see reality and the way we live. We lose our perspective on what is truly important. We often pursue possessions, pleasure, power, fame, experiences feeling strongly that they will make us happy, only to find the reality of them to be illusory or short-lived, or not what we thought they would be. We often pursue an illusion or a fantasy we created in our mind; perhaps just a projection of our hopes and fears.
The thrill of the chase excites us; we believe if by being accepted by the individual we desire it will add value to us or validate us. Chasing a desire satisfies our ego. Most of us struggle with low self-esteem because we are attracted to the unknown or unpredictability of the other person. The grass looks green on the other side which means the things we don’t have seem attractive than the things we have. In other words, we are always tempted and envious of what other people have.
Many times, in life we want to prove to ourselves and others we deserve to have ‘better’ things which cannot be accurately defined. We unconsciously go on placing superhuman characteristics in our desire list, we unconsciously start chasing wrong people for fulfilment of our desires, the less the person reciprocates, the more time we tend to invest trying to get the person reciprocate about our desires for fulfilment.
So, when you want someone whom you simply cannot have, the best thing to do is relax, step back, and really think about why you want to be with this person that is not interested in you.
Do you want to be with someone out of feelings of inadequacy? Do you want to be with a person because you need validation? Do you want to be with a person just to build your self-esteem? If any of these reasons are the reason, you are chasing an unhealthy desire, it will prove deadly. The only way to add value to yourself is by investing time and energy in yourself.
We must value ourselves and treat ourselves kindly. In order for others to see the value in us. However, even then, the object of our desire may just not be into us.
For Brentano, what is important is what the mind does, not what is contained within it.
Sometimes it can feel like you’re always chasing something you can’t have. It can feel like the more someone pulls away, the more you end up wanting them. This is partly due to our low self-esteem.
