Can you please everyone?

Can you please everyone in your life? If yes, share the formula with rest of us. And, please also tell how many people you have pleased so far.

Don’t you get baffled for not replying everyone’s tweet, email, message, and invitation and don’t you feel insecure for not doing so, you might be tagged “bigheaded” or selfish or bitchy. And, how much time and energy do you spend on planning good reasons to give all of those for replying.

When you don’t hear back from somebody, you start wondering if you’ve done something wrong or you have angered or offended that person. Don’t you keep analyzing what must have gone wrong? And don’t you desperately wait for some sort of sign that the person does not hate you.

Think of how much time and efforts you put in behaving “ideally” to please so many countless people around you. While behaving ideally have you analyzed how emotionally, mentally, physically and monetarily you are drained?

Even when you realize on number of occasions that when you go miles out of your way to please someone, in fact that person is taking advantage of your goodness, is underestimating your acumen and emotionally blackmailing you; how many times have you retorted back?

I received a beautiful message from a friend of mine on WhatsApp that for small, big, minute reasons a woman especially is ought to be tagged. A woman is tagged by her own friends, family, and the society for everything. It starts from what you wear, how you behave, how you grow in your career, how you bring up your children, how you speak, how you stand, how you carry yourself and your very existence for everything you are being labeled. If you have curves you are “fat” if you don’t have then you are “flat.” If you wear makeup you are “made-up” and if you don’t then you are “plain.” If you dress up well you are a “show off” if you are simply dressed you are “unnoticeable.” If you talk smartly and intelligently you are “snob” if you don’t say anything you either a “dumb” or have an “attitude” problem. If you cry, you are “acting” and if you don’t you are “emotionless.” If you have some boyfriends you are a “flirt”, if you don’t have them you are “narrow-minded”. If you stand for yourself you are “cheeky” and if you don’t you are again “dumb”. So, you get my point – you do anything and are sure of being condemned.

So why do you bother? Don’t even try it. It’s a waste of time trying to make everyone like you. Just be the way you are. I’ve learned the hard way and in the end, some people are just so full of hatred that no matter what you say or do, they’ll always have something to say. They’ll never like you. So unload them. Though we all have the innate desire to get endorsement from other people for our actions, and it is not a bad thing either. Learn to give a damn to those who pull you down because they are hypocrites, stupid people. You can’t please everyone. Stop putting people around your first, than yourself at the cost of your emotions and your wellbeing as it will lead you nowhere. Psychiatrists call this syndrome as “People-pleasers.” While being responsive to the needs of others is a crucial part of normal social functioning, people-pleasers push the concept to an unhealthy level. Don’t burn your energy for going out of your way to please those thoughtless people, who don’t recognize your worth, else you will go emotionally broke.

Oscar Wilde once said with his usual wit: Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. As humorous as this might seem, it’s a basic outline of the truth. Yet, you can’t be yourself if you don’t know, you don’t understand, and accept yourself first. It should be your primary goal in finding your values, and don’t be surprised if some of them seem conflicting in nature. Avoid living in past, chill and relax and except the truth “You are not perfect.”  And, friends God is yet to produce a perfect person.