Accept yourself for who you are

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I know it’s easier said than done. We have so many aspirations in life. To look good and attractive, look younger, have lots of money, a good career, good partner….the list is unrelenting. But, many of these aspirations are not met with, so is there something wrong? Are we lesser mortals?

We are given one lifetime; instead of enjoying every moment of it, we brood about all those small, petty things which have no substance; such as the looks, age, position, job, wanting a house, a car, a pretty wife/husband, beautiful and intelligent children, loving parents, promotions – these things are so elusive. The majority of us are so scared to accept our flaws and the package we are made of, that we spend almost a lifetime battling with them. Do you know, when we underestimate our strengths, we often get into relationships for the wrong reasons? We imagine that those relations will help us in reducing or overshadow our flaws. All those feeble relationships are s painful.

A335 (1)Remember change is the only constant feature of life. We cannot hold on to anything nor our age, looks, money or our fame, name, relations, fortune – everything is transitory.  Over the years, we transform, we adjust, we amend thus we change. So, be the one who progresses, not the one who regresses. Learn what makes you strive for greatness, what makes you angry, what makes you tick, what makes you live for more, what are your goals, passions, disappointments and do things what makes you HAPPY.

Why should anybody shy away from self-growth? It is quite alluring; it leads to thorough self-awareness and healthier exercise. Be realistic in measuring your aspirations and desires in senses which ones are achievable and which are not. And, while you are on a trip of self growth see if your growth can make significant contribution to others.

When we look at lives of rich and famous people; we imagine that everything was hunky-dory with them. The fact is these seemingly respectable people have or had some terrible secrets which are concealed from rest of the world for years. The English language possesses a brilliant saying to describe this situation. The terrible secret is called ‘a skeleton in the cupboard’. At some dramatic moment in time span, the terrible secret becomes known and a status/character is busted.

A335 (2)We all have secrets which we want to hide; these secrets are the dark shades in our lives which make us uncomfortable about our self image. But, then it’s better to accept those “secrets”, get over it and move on in life, than making all efforts in spending time and energy to hide it to a great length.

Albert Einstein may have been a genius, but he certainly doesn’t seem to have been the best estranged husband in the world. In 1914, his marriage to Mileva Marić was falling apart. He proposed they stay together for the good of their kids—but he had a few conditions if they were going to make it work. And, you’ll be surprised those were quite self-absorbed and egoistical conditions which Mileva could not follow, and subsequently she moved out with her kids and the marriage fell apart.

Do you know, in the earlier part of his life, Newton was a deeply introverted character and fiercely protective of his privacy. Even in his maturity, having become rich, famous, laden with honors and internationally acclaimed as one of the world’s foremost thinkers, but he remained deeply insecure, given to fits of depression and outbursts of violent temper, and implacable in pursuit of anyone by whom he felt threatened. The most famous example of this is his carefully-orchestrated campaign to destroy the reputation of Gottfried Leibniz, who he believed (but was not true), had stolen the discovery of calculus from him. Though there are other facts about Issac Newton that he was also capable of great generosity and kindness.

A335 (3)Newton and Einstein were the greatest scientists who revolutionized the mankind with their innovations. But, then who is happy and contended? Margret Thatcher the “Iron Lady” had a troubled marriage with Sir Denis Thatcher. Indira Gandhi too had a many personal issues in her life which were obviously kept under wraps. When she came to power in a country steeped in patriarchy and prejudice against women, it was said of Indira Gandhi that she was the only male in her Cabinet. When she visited Washington in 1971, President Nixon’s assistant asked his Indian counterpart what the lady liked to be addressed as. Her Cabinet colleagues call her “Sir” and this surprised Nixon’s assistant to no end. But, Nixon sensibly settled on ‘Madam Prime Minister. Marilyn Monroe – the most beautiful woman had many disturbing affairs in her life which she kept fighting all through; Madhubala the most beautiful actress in Hindi cinema had her share of grieves too. She had numerous fabled relations in her personal life. Director Kidar Sharma was among the first in Bollywood to woo her. But though she respected him as a filmmaker, the young Madhubala never reciprocated Sharma’s ardor. She instead had affairs with some other actors and directors.

Nobody’s life is perfect. And, if it would be, then I think perfection is overrated.

A337We have a wrong notion about attractive people. Our positive expectations for attractive people can serve as a self-fulfilling prophesy. When we see someone is smart and has a great personality, we start to treat them in a different way. We expect them to live up to our expectations. Usually we have those fixed stereotypes, and the problem is that they cause so many misunderstandings in our lives. We don’t even think of them logically, and they cause us damage. Another stereotype is about our comfort zone, until we come out of it, and learn to achieve what we want, we cannot unite with the world. The third stereotype is about time; time is the only game no human will ever master; we cope with it by passing ahead, no matter the circumstances that arise, we cannot hold time. The next stereotype is about getting stuck in past; until we come out of it, we cannot live in present and future.

Happiness needs to be our biggest project and it only requires one set of hands: our own. In my own personal journey of trying to be a better person, I realized that it was all about aiming to be happy – nothing more, nothing less. It’s the happiness which allows us to be effective in every aspect of life. Shedding the unnecessary is very important.

A335 (4)The unnecessary is thinking too much about age – let’s get it right, age is just a number. That’s it. Caring too much what others say or think about us. Think of this brilliant quite “You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with”. So decide who those five people should be in your life. Throw away those negative people from your life. Dump them at once. The past does not exist and neither the future. It’s now that is important; live in the “now.” If you feel like doing good to others do it but with a caution – don’t expect anything in return. Let go of wanting anything in return, so that you don’t get disappointed. Stop complaining. It is useless. Get solutions to your problem yourself, nobody else has the capacity to solve “your” problems. Stop conforming to standards laid by other, be yourself. Set your own standards for your life. Accept yourself for who you are; because until you don’t accept yourself, others will not.

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A Professor with 15 years of teaching and 20 years industry experience. My core teaching areas are Marketing Strategy and General Management. While I am a Professor of Marketing and General Management, I have also worked as Director of few Management Institutes in Mumbai. I am a research guide in Mumbai University, SNDT University and YCMOU (Yashwantrao Chawan Maharashtra Open University, Nasik) 6 students have got their PhD degree under my guidance so far, and 11 students are registered for their PhD with me. Research is my passion, and I work on live projects from the industry. I strongly believe that the principal goal of research is to discover new knowledge, while that of teaching is to impart well-established knowledge and provide training in problem-solving. At present I am working as a Director for a Center of Excellence with an 80 years old Educational institution in Mumbai. I am a results-driven researcher, qualified with a PhD in Marketing Management from Pune University, a Post Doctoral Degree D.Litt from Mumbai University. I have authored above 100 articles and research which are published in news papers, business magazines and research journals. I have also authored two books. I am appointed as a Senate Member in Swami Ramanand Teertha Marathwada University, Nanded as the Maharashtra Governor’s nominee. Today we need greater industry-academia collaboration in research in institutes of higher education. I am confident that I will be able to facilitate the organizations with my research skills to create, integrate, and apply advancements in tricky areas. Thus, in my own way I could collaborate between industry and academia. I am curious, responsible, knowledgeable person with a scholarly approach.

7 COMMENTS

  1. Very thought-provoking article. No need to read any ‘self-help’ or ‘positive thinking’ titles. And such a variety in the write-ups. Just experience the depth and variety and fluidity in writing when you read ‘Rim Zim Gire Saawan’ before this article! Such a pleasure reading Dr. Vidya’s articles. Bravo!
    I have copied this article to my son and daughter!

  2. Ma’am , every word written by you , is so inspiring…. thankx a lot for sharing the thoughts… It makes feel so enthusiastic.. Thanks a lot Ma’am….

  3. Madam I really don’t find any appropriate words to praise for your re cent articles on ” Accept yourself for who are you”. Excellent! very true and Very inspirational one and really it has touched my heart and finally made me self satisfy for what i am now. this article made me to think for since from my childhood my mother use to tell me till now every now and then some of the phrase in her language or tone ” kar pehchaan apne aap ki tab pehchaan ho gi tumhe us subhaan aur sabki”. Dear madam right from the begining I am your fan and now by reading your article is a way to be close and connected with you and a sense of proud feeling and really very in

  4. Dear Madam, I really don’t find any appropriate words to praise for your recent articles on ” Accept yourself for who are you”. Excellent! very true and Very inspirational one and really it has touched my heart and finally made me self satisfy for what i am now. this article made me to think for since from my childhood my mother use to tell me till now every now and then some of the phrase in her language or tone ” kar pehchaan apne aap ki tab pehchaan ho gi tumhe us subhaan ki ” kyun kohi tumhe pehchaanega tumko pehchaan na hoga apne aapko ”. Dear madam right from the begining or since from last past more than 8 years I am one of your big fan and now by reading your article is a way to be close and connected with you and a sense of proud feeling and really very inspiring thanks a lot.

  5. Madam I feel that today most of us are blindly running in quest of attaining perfection without realising the fact that what we have been blessed with is far more beautiful. In this quest we start tempering with what god has blessed us with ultimately leading to scars of destruction in attaining perfection . Its high time the concept of fake perfection should vanish into thin air or else it will lead to massive destruction of humanity .

  6. Thank you madam for giving us this free and most valuable gift. Infact I would like to share my way of accepting my myself. a.Forgive yourself b.There is no past.Think as if you are born today. c. Remember you are second to no one d.Devise a solid plan to progress and work on it everyday. e.Don’t Compare your achievement with others f.LIFE is not about professional goals; even giving happiness to your loved ones is a GOAL. So go for it and make the rest of your LIFE the best of your LIFE !!

  7. Thank you madam for giving us this valuable lesson .it is a much needed aspect we need to introspect in our lives. Infact after going through this article I feel encouraged to share with others how i was able to get through to myself and start living positively. I followed the below path to gain postivism and energy in my life.
    Step 1: Forgive yourself 
    Step 2. Remember that there is no past.Think as if you are born today and set to achieve.
    Step 3.Remember you are second to no one
    Step 4.Devise a solid plan to progress and work on it everyday.
    Step 5.Don’t Compare your achievement with others as their achievement is only good for themselves
    Step 6.LIFE is not about professional goals; even giving happiness to your loved ones is a GOAL. So go for it and make the rest of your LIFE the best of your LIFE !!

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