“Actions speak louder than words,” is one of the most famous maxims. Yet whether this is true or not depends on what we understand by the word “louder.” Making a promise to someone without thinking how you will fulfil it just reflects how casual or unrehearsed you are about your own words. I think making a promise is one of the most powerful forms of communication. Yet, frankly speaking, how many times do we make vows that we can’t possibly keep? As humans we put our faith in promises made by others. So our politicians, business leaders, our teachers, parents, neighbours, friends, siblings, children so many make promises which help us negotiate peace and hope in our lives and yet how many times does a person really mean the promise made must not be broken.
I am sure most us must have heard from the seniors around us like our grandparents, our parents talk about those faraway times when honouring a promise was utmost imperative, people then never compromised with their words. It did not matter whether they promised something trivial or something very big, but people fulfilled what they promised. It shows how strong the social fabric was those days.
The history proves how most famous people have broken their promises. Woodrow Wilson won re-election in 1916 with the slogan “He kept us out of war” only to enter World War I a year later. While the loss of trust can lead to anti-incumbency, it also creates intangible cleavages in the institution of democracy.
In 2017 Donald Trump promised to lower the corporate tax rate and bring in huge tax cuts for working Americans. The Republican tax plan passed in December 2017, and it largely ticks the box for the president although its merits are hotly disputed. He has had to compromise on his pledge to bring corporation tax down from 35% to 15% (it will be 21% instead).
In India, the Indians do not take the election manifestos seriously; Indian voters are accustomed to the lure of grand promises made once every five years by the political parties….they struggle their way through the debris of broken promises.
In the recent election of 2019, the ruling political party has failed us in creating jobs for the youngsters, education and skill development for youth has featured prominently in its manifesto but hardly any noticeable steps taken. The Modi government has also been trumpeting about its flagship schemes, such as Skill India, in helping job-seekers attain skills for a 21st century job market, but, we are yet to see the youth employment fulfilled.
We make and we break promises because some promises are very hard to keep we hear the builders, plumbers, electricians, carpenters saying “I’ll come back tomorrow.” But the truth is the other way…tomorrow comes after few days always. They won’t come back until next week, fortnight, month.
We love hearing secrets and we happily make this promise. And at the time we really mean it. ‘Don’t worry,’ we say, ‘your secret is safe with me.’ But of course it isn’t. Research shows that everybody will always tell one other person the secret. Very soon the whole street will know it!
“This won’t hurt.” Is a favourite phrase from doctors, dentists and nurses….they usually say it just before they give you an injection. But the phrase is not complete, without some ah, ooh, ouch..
We make new friends on holidays, long travels or on a train journey, we swap e-mail addresses, phone numbers and we make this promise of keeping in regular touch with them. Six months later you find a name and e-mail address on a card or an old piece of paper. ‘Oh dear!’ you think – but then you remember that they didn’t write to you either.
‘I’ll pay you back tomorrow.’ In Hamlet, Shakespeare told us never to borrow or lend money. He was right. When we lend people money they always make this promise but then they forget. If we then ask for the money back, they tag us as mean. If we don’t ask, we never get our money back.
And the worst, ‘I’ll always love you.’ Lovers must trust each other for a relationship to thrive. Their faith in each other’s promises and subsequent marriage is what sustains their faith in the relationship and in each other. Most couples agree that automatic trust is not a guarantee. It must be earned on a continuing basis. The shade of love starts fading away slowly in relationships.
There are multiple levels of broken promises that create different reactions in different people. Some can be potential deal breakers, like repeated addictive escapes, infidelities, or anything else that is hidden from the other partner and might risk his or her consent were it to be known. When those breaches of trust are repeated, many cherished relationships just cannot survive.
Most broken promises are not intentional, motivated by meanness, or routinely repeated. Promises are confessions of intent, large and small, that mark a wide range of interpersonal events be it friendship, marriage, employment or business partnership. A specific behavior toward another is expected. Promises require us to declare a conscious objective: we will never do the thing the other person does not want us to do. But people have so many out-of-awareness thoughts and feelings, we may not “know” of our unconscious inaptness about a stated commitment. There are a number of commonly understood reasons promises are broken, including that our feelings, capacity, or circumstances keep changing over time.
Your word is your bond. In this big fake world, today also there are individuals who keep their words; because for them keeping their word is of special significance. Remember this -every time you give your word, you are putting your honour on the line.
