Trust the lies

All of us at some point or another talk lie. Why do we lie? For a number of reasons; and many times we lie even about our reasoning. Just count one day from morning till night how many lies you have spoken. Also, how we get that ‘plastic’ smile accompanied to the lies we speak. At the drop of hat, we get those tears in eyes, we demonstrate the irritation in a jiffy, we are all actors – if one full day in our life is captured in a camera we might give the professional actors a tough competition. Sometimes we’re not even aware that we’re lying until someone (a close friend, a sibling or parents) points it out.

Researchers have been studying deception for decades, trying to figure out why we tell lies. We spin facts and make up fictions for all sorts of reasons. We do this time and again for no great reasons; it might be for protecting somebody, to project a better picture about ourselves, to make a person feel better, to cover some boring time, we do it for many odd reasons without any logic but the fact is we talk lies both consciously and unconsciously. Our capacity for deceit appears nearly endless. We go on weaving stories after stories and every time we keep consoling ourselves – that it’s OK. After all, we lied for so and so reason, and we have not done a big harm to anybody. We even lie to ourselves about how much food we eat, how many hours we slept, how much time we wasted, how we have procrastinated, when something was not required still we bought it – so you see we all live in lire’s paradise happily.

How would you define “white lie”? Half truth; exaggeration; amplification; extension; strengthening I am sure, we will find so many pseudo words to for the word white lie.  Truth is tough. It’s overwhelming and it’s often discomforting. Truth is therefore bitter.

I think, we forget one most important thing – the foundation for our relationship depends on how much trust we build; our ability to talk truth, and to accept truth.

Many professionals say that there is no much difference between a little lie (white lie) and a big lie. Anything that is not perfect or precise is a lie. You can argue that a lies done to make someone else feel better is relatively minor. But they have an effect. And though the effect may not be seen glaringly, but somewhere it does affect the day to day relation between two people, behaviour, or attitude of someone. The bottom line is that a lie is a lie. What is not true is a degraded version of a reality.

Do white lies/exaggerations/amplifications have positive psychological effects? Researchers have found that when people exaggerate about their performance in professional or personal lives, their narrative, in other words, becomes self-fulfilling. “Exaggerators tend to be more confident and have higher goals for achievement,” explains Richard Gramzow, a psychologist at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill and one of the study’s co-authors. “Positive biases about the self can be beneficial.”

People who deceive themselves also tend to be happier than people who do not; their happiness keeps them mentally and physically fitter. Socially their images are augmented, giving their self-worth a boost. Studies have shown that people who lie frequently are friendlier than their thoughtful counterparts. They are spirited than the ones who will talk the truth but are drawn and are rigid. Don’t we all appreciate the heroes and heroines in cinemas telling those sweet little lies here and there to get his/her way around; and we all appreciate it on the silver screen.

Lying begins early. By the age of 3, most children know how to fib, they do it impulsively and we find it cute. And, by 6, most lie a few times a day. Experts believe that children learn to lie by observing their parents talking and getting away with lies. They learn and practice lying by emulating their elders.

And what about the fairy tales that we all tell the children or we heard as children – aren’t they lies told by somebody? As we grow, the majority of us face the harsh realities of life. Amplifying the truth is a natural component of human instinct because it’s the easy way out.  We all do it, so there is no reason to deny it.  Honestly, I think the world is probably a better place because of our white lies.