Accept yourself for who you are
I know it’s easier said than done. We have so many aspirations in life. To look good and attractive, look younger, have lots of money, a good career, good partner….the list is unrelenting. But, many of these aspirations are not met with, so is there something wrong? Are we lesser mortals?
We are given one lifetime; instead of enjoying every moment of it, we brood about all those small, petty things which have no substance; such as the looks, age, position, job, wanting a house, a car, a pretty wife/husband, beautiful and intelligent children, loving parents, promotions – these things are so elusive. The majority of us are so scared to accept our flaws and the package we are made of, that we spend almost a lifetime battling with them. Do you know, when we underestimate our strengths, we often get into relationships for the wrong reasons? We imagine that those relations will help us in reducing or overshadow our flaws. All those feeble relationships are s painful.
Remember change is the only constant feature of life. We cannot hold on to anything nor our age, looks, money or our fame, name, relations, fortune – everything is transitory. Over the years, we transform, we adjust, we amend thus we change. So, be the one who progresses, not the one who regresses. Learn what makes you strive for greatness, what makes you angry, what makes you tick, what makes you live for more, what are your goals, passions, disappointments and do things what makes you HAPPY.
Why should anybody shy away from self-growth? It is quite alluring; it leads to thorough self-awareness and healthier exercise. Be realistic in measuring your aspirations and desires in senses which ones are achievable and which are not. And, while you are on a trip of self growth see if your growth can make significant contribution to others.
When we look at lives of rich and famous people; we imagine that everything was hunky-dory with them. The fact is these seemingly respectable people have or had some terrible secrets which are concealed from rest of the world for years. The English language possesses a brilliant saying to describe this situation. The terrible secret is called ‘a skeleton in the cupboard’. At some dramatic moment in time span, the terrible secret becomes known and a status/character is busted.
We all have secrets which we want to hide; these secrets are the dark shades in our lives which make us uncomfortable about our self image. But, then it’s better to accept those “secrets”, get over it and move on in life, than making all efforts in spending time and energy to hide it to a great length.
Albert Einstein may have been a genius, but he certainly doesn’t seem to have been the best estranged husband in the world. In 1914, his marriage to Mileva Marić was falling apart. He proposed they stay together for the good of their kids—but he had a few conditions if they were going to make it work. And, you’ll be surprised those were quite self-absorbed and egoistical conditions which Mileva could not follow, and subsequently she moved out with her kids and the marriage fell apart.
Do you know, in the earlier part of his life, Newton was a deeply introverted character and fiercely protective of his privacy. Even in his maturity, having become rich, famous, laden with honors and internationally acclaimed as one of the world’s foremost thinkers, but he remained deeply insecure, given to fits of depression and outbursts of violent temper, and implacable in pursuit of anyone by whom he felt threatened. The most famous example of this is his carefully-orchestrated campaign to destroy the reputation of Gottfried Leibniz, who he believed (but was not true), had stolen the discovery of calculus from him. Though there are other facts about Issac Newton that he was also capable of great generosity and kindness.
Newton and Einstein were the greatest scientists who revolutionized the mankind with their innovations. But, then who is happy and contended? Margret Thatcher the “Iron Lady” had a troubled marriage with Sir Denis Thatcher. Indira Gandhi too had a many personal issues in her life which were obviously kept under wraps. When she came to power in a country steeped in patriarchy and prejudice against women, it was said of Indira Gandhi that she was the only male in her Cabinet. When she visited Washington in 1971, President Nixon’s assistant asked his Indian counterpart what the lady liked to be addressed as. Her Cabinet colleagues call her “Sir” and this surprised Nixon’s assistant to no end. But, Nixon sensibly settled on ‘Madam Prime Minister. Marilyn Monroe – the most beautiful woman had many disturbing affairs in her life which she kept fighting all through; Madhubala the most beautiful actress in Hindi cinema had her share of grieves too. She had numerous fabled relations in her personal life. Director Kidar Sharma was among the first in Bollywood to woo her. But though she respected him as a filmmaker, the young Madhubala never reciprocated Sharma’s ardor. She instead had affairs with some other actors and directors.
Nobody’s life is perfect. And, if it would be, then I think perfection is overrated.
We have a wrong notion about attractive people. Our positive expectations for attractive people can serve as a self-fulfilling prophesy. When we see someone is smart and has a great personality, we start to treat them in a different way. We expect them to live up to our expectations. Usually we have those fixed stereotypes, and the problem is that they cause so many misunderstandings in our lives. We don’t even think of them logically, and they cause us damage. Another stereotype is about our comfort zone, until we come out of it, and learn to achieve what we want, we cannot unite with the world. The third stereotype is about time; time is the only game no human will ever master; we cope with it by passing ahead, no matter the circumstances that arise, we cannot hold time. The next stereotype is about getting stuck in past; until we come out of it, we cannot live in present and future.
Happiness needs to be our biggest project and it only requires one set of hands: our own. In my own personal journey of trying to be a better person, I realized that it was all about aiming to be happy – nothing more, nothing less. It’s the happiness which allows us to be effective in every aspect of life. Shedding the unnecessary is very important.
The unnecessary is thinking too much about age – let’s get it right, age is just a number. That’s it. Caring too much what others say or think about us. Think of this brilliant quite “You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with”. So decide who those five people should be in your life. Throw away those negative people from your life. Dump them at once. The past does not exist and neither the future. It’s now that is important; live in the “now.” If you feel like doing good to others do it but with a caution – don’t expect anything in return. Let go of wanting anything in return, so that you don’t get disappointed. Stop complaining. It is useless. Get solutions to your problem yourself, nobody else has the capacity to solve “your” problems. Stop conforming to standards laid by other, be yourself. Set your own standards for your life. Accept yourself for who you are; because until you don’t accept yourself, others will not.
