The years from 0 to 7 are crucial years in a child’s life. The years from birth to age 7 are decisive because this is a period of rapid brain development and physical development where nervous system is growing at an incredible rate and setting the foundation for future learning, behaviour, and strength. During this period, children build critical skills in areas like language, motor function, and social-emotional development. Children don’t forget traumas throughout their lives which take place in this delicate formative years. Their experiences and environment play a significant role in shaping their life potential till end.

Erick Erickson is a German American psychologist and psychoanalyst. Erikson’s theory of psychosocial development proposes that personality is shaped through eight stages across the lifespan, with each stage presenting a unique psychosocial crisis that must be resolved. Successfully resolving these conflicts, such as “Trust vs. Mistrust” in infancy or “Autonomy vs shame” and “Initiative vs. Guilt” till 7 years leads to a healthy personality and the development of basic virtues. Failure to resolve a crisis can result in difficulties in future stages, while success provides a foundation for continued psychological growth.

0 to 18 months is called Trust vs Mistrust

During this time, infants depend entirely on caregivers and learn to either trust the world based on constant love and caregiving. If an infant misses this it develops a suspicious view due to neglect or inconsistency in caregiving.  Successful navigation of this stage leads to the development of a sense of hope in the infant. Newborns use their sense of touch to bond with caregivers, they communicate needs though cry, and sounds like cooing, gurgling, babbling and explore the world by feeling shapes, textures, and temperatures. This sense is crucial for early development, helping them to learn about objects, develop body awareness which help them to regulate their emotions.

Autonomy vs. Shame and Doubt (18 months to 3 years)

Autonomy is the will to accomplish things independently and do things on our own. This developmental stage occurs during early childhood. If children are over protected or neglected the feeling of inadequacy and low self-esteem enters their personality. A successful outcome results in the child having a sense of self-control and self-worth.  Children naturally start holding things and walking with support between 9 and 18 months, a skill known as “cruising”. They usually begin to walk independently between 12 and 18 months, with many taking their first steps around 12 to 15 months. By 18 months, most toddlers are walking, and by 18 months, they can typically walk independently. This gives them the feeling of autonomy. Children seek independence and exploration through play, which helps them develop new skills and express emotions. They seek to do things by  themselves, learn through imitation, and are developing language, motor skills, and social understanding. This age is characterized by curiosity, a desire to be more self-sufficient, and growing communication abilities. When they are neglected by caregivers, they feel frustration and throw tantrums.

Initiative vs. Guilt (3-6 years)

During this phase of the children’s life, they assert more control over their environment through play and social interactions, leading to a sense of purpose and initiative when encouraged. If their actions are too much criticized or controlled, they develop a sense of guilt complex, causing them to become hesitant and fearful of taking lead or command in their lives and future. This stage is called pre-school. During this stage of life children learn to assert themselves and take control over their world through play and social interactions. Successfully navigating this stage leads to a sense of initiative, confidence, and purpose. When children are overly criticized or controlled, it leads to self-doubt and hesitation in their future endeavours. 

7 years onwards, children learn to become independent, develop a sense of purpose by taking initiative, and build self-confidence through developing skills and a sense of competence. Successful navigation of these stages builds a strong foundation for a healthy personality and leads to virtues like will, purpose, and competence.

children who don’t receive adequate parental support often struggle to build confidence. This lack of support can manifest as conditional love, criticism, or overprotection, which teaches children that their worth is not inherent, or that they are incapable of handling challenges, leading to low self-esteem and anxiety. A foundation of warm, caring, and unconditionally loving parents helps children feel secure, enabling them to explore the world with a stronger sense of self-worth and resilience.

Lack of parental support impacts confidence of children in education. It can lead their behaviour and social skills. This lack of support can result from factors like parental time constraints, low self-efficacy regarding academic help, lower socioeconomic status, or language barriers with schools. It can create lower academic performance. It can also lead to school dropout. 

Love and appreciation are most important at this stage of child’s growth.  When a child doesn’t feel loved or constantly feels like a burden, it leads to shame and low self-esteem. Not being praised for efforts or unique qualities can discourage creativity and unique thinking. When parents tell their child they are not as good as a sibling or friend can make them feel inadequate. Constant mockery of their attempts can also make them afraid to try new things. It’s very dangerous. Parents don’t realise this. Consistent issues like perceived favouritism, inconsistent discipline, and insufficient guidance directly fuels sibling rivalry. When children don’t feel seen, valued, or secure in their parents’ love, they may compete for scarce parental attention and resources, leading to resentment and conflict.

In case of overprotection or constant shielding a child from all challenges or failures may seem helpful, but it can lead them to feel anxious when they encounter stressful situations later in life because they haven’t learned to cope. Even when parents micromanage or control every decision of child, it prevents a child from developing independence and the ability to make their own choices.

Conclusion

My own study and experience have taught me to those children who received unconditional love  develop a strong sense of self-worth. The feeling of security helps them to explore and take risks. Widespread psychological research confirms that an insecure or traumatic childhood has profound and lasting negative effects on an individual’s adulthood, often weakening their ability to form healthy relationships, manage emotions, and achieve their full potential even as adults. Callous parenting can manifest as low self-esteem, difficulty with intimacy and relationships, and increased risk for mental health issues like depression, anxiety, and substance abuse in adults. Children who internalize feelings of worthlessness from their experiences can develop a false self and a deep sense of emptiness.

The Unilever’s brand Dove has been around for 12 years, in its iconic marketing effort, in its recent campaign called “Dove Campaign for Real Beauty” which is in true sense another feel-good campaign, featuring women of different shapes and vocations talking about their looks and why the only perception of ‘their looking beautiful’ matters to the world and how it affects them.

According to the 2016 Dove Global Beauty and Confidence Report, which included interviews with 10,500 women across 13 countries, 54% of women said they have low body confidence, not being assertive, indecisiveness, due to low confidence in their appearance skipping job interviews, not claiming good ideas at work, or actively choosing not to pursue career promotion etc. This ad is breaking barriers and is challenging stereotypes about looks of women.

The society gives such a lot of importance to look of people, and it is time for society to start acknowledging accomplishments of women and goodness of women. Through the concept #MyBeautyMySay Dove inspires women everywhere to take a stand against judgments that belittles their accomplishments giving way to their ‘looks’. This beautiful campaign from Edelman, Havas, Ogilvy and PHD, is for women to define their own standards of beauty. The ad had a reach to about 19.4 million girls till date with self-esteem education, Dove has always been at the forefront of helping women and girls develop a positive relationship with beauty

Women can multitask, they can bring order in disarrayed things at home, and that’s why they are called home makers. The world likes good lookers and more so the tag of ‘beauty’ bothers the women at all stages of their lives. Most women believe that they are judged on their appearance. They therefore, spend a lot of their time, efforts and money on beauty products because that becomes their key to stand out in crowd. Friends, beauty business is a big industry. The truth is, being beautiful does not come from a lipstick tube, mascara wand, or blush brush or the foundation cream, but it comes from within. Some of the elements which make women most beautiful are:

Passion: A woman who has passion can never look dull. The biggest mistake women do, is when they neglect their passion; when they neglect that part of themselves. A hobby, an interest ignites life, keeps a person going. A woman who takes the time to follow her passions, whatever they may be, understands that life is too precious. Focusing on a hobby is a way to clear the mental palate.   A woman who follows her passion simultaneously, is certainly is admirable. It is nice to watch someone pursue her dreams; it is in fact the most beautiful experience human beings can have.

Compassion: However beautifully a woman is decked up, if she is cold-hearted, and only loves herself, she is the ugliest woman. If a woman is inept and does not feel for others, is not compassionate, all her physical beauty is waste. We see those self-absorbed attractive celebrities on the front covers of the magazines, people forget them after few years. Beauty is skin deep. A woman who understands how to give and receive love is much more desirable than a woman who has none to spare.

Has a mind of her own: A woman who uses her mind stands out. When a woman for the sake of her family neglects her intellect, it’s sad. I think neglecting one’s intellect is the worst crime against self. The pursuit of knowledge and truth is not only attractive, but essential to our existence. Knowledge is empowerment. Dr. Kadambini Ganguly and Dr. Anandi Gopal Joshi were the first Indian female physicians, trained in Western Medicine. They looked very charming because of their accomplishments.  Their ability to rise above circumstances and to realize their potentials made them look splendid.

Joyful spirit: Women should never lose their joyful spirit. A laughing, joyful woman is welcome everywhere. No one likes to sit in company of sulking person. Disappointments are part and parcel of life. But there is so much more which need not be overlooked. The point is, a sense of adventure and appreciation for all that life has to offer is more attractive. Spontaneity adds to the facevalue; taking the child for a walk, or singing a favorite song loudly, watching a comedy serial or cooking a favorite dish – so much can be done to add the extra tinge to life.

Resilience: A woman with resilience is loved by all. The world admires fighters. I think nothing is more beautiful than a woman who refuses to give up. Tenacity, whether in one’s career, marriage, or physical health, is highly inspiring. Resilience is about believing that life can never defeat unless one allows herself to become defeated. Accepting the worst or the best in equal stride is so uplifting. The movie ‘Dangal’gives the hair raising experience in the movie halls to the viewers for the resilience shown by Geeta and Babita (the Phogat sisters).  The film makes the audience aware of the struggles and achievements of the Phogat sisters. Its inspiring story for all women.

Confidence: There is thin line between bragging and confidence. The face tells it all. Confident woman stand out in crowd. Confidence is about a woman looking poised for her own assurance about her knowledge, her strategies, and her style of execution, her looks, and the way she speaks, stands and talks.   A confident woman doesn’t need other people’s support to help her feel the pride in herself. Confident women are more appealing than a women who continually seeks others’ approval.

Liveliness: I think energetic women look most beautiful, Liveliness sets them apart from others.  An energetic woman has a matchless vitality for life is and she should be idolized for it. When a woman follows her passion, shows compassion, pursues her intellect, keeps a sense of adventure, refuses to give up, and believes herself to be worthy, she is admired and followed ubiquitously.

As women, our sense of confidence derives typically from our beliefs and attitudes about ourselves and our life experiences.  When we look in the mirror, our inner beliefs color how we view our outer look. The more authentically confident we feel inside, the more favorably we see ourselves outside. Beauty lies within.

If you want to be successful, the ability to regulate your emotions by self is important. The world cares a lot for IQ (Intelligence Quotient), but of late corporate care a lot for EQ (Emotional Quotient)   and SQ (Social quotient). SQ or SI (Social Intelligence) is largely developed from your experience, from what you learn. All the good and bad experiences of life prepares us to become socially intelligent. Social Intelligence is more commonly referred to as tact, common sense, sometimes even as street smart. Socially intelligent people come across as frank, without many inhibitions. They easily talk about themselves and are non-defensive. Therefore, are appreciated by co-workers, peers, their bosses everybody around them.

We all have emotions which drive us to take decisions, our ability to tackle our decisions make us successful or unsuccessful in life. We all live in society and whether we like or not, our self-regulation to manage our emotions and actions matters. We all are driven by our moods, feeling, and our actions are based on them. Don’t we like people who are cool and composed? Those who can cheer, those who lighten the atmosphere? We also come across people who behave negative, and are disruptive. Feeling come first and then we think; people who constantly react from an emotional state never wait long enough to allow their thoughts to override their emotions. People who can allow their emotions pass, respond to the feelings from a healthy state of mind tend to be logical. They use logic rather than simply reacting to feelings. Such people are labeled as mentally healthy, their actions reflect thoughtfulness. If they don’t have answers, they tell it frankly.

Social intelligence was coined by E.L. Thorndike (1920). He divided intelligence into three facets:  the ability to understand and manage ideas (abstract intelligence), concrete objects (mechanical intelligence), and people (social intelligence). His definition of social intelligence was “By social intelligence is meant the ability to understand and manage men and women, boys and girls — to act wisely in human relations”  Similarly, Moss and Hunt (1927) defined social intelligence as the “ability to get along with others.” Vernon (1933), provided the most wide-ranging definition of social intelligence as the person’s “ability to get along with people in general, social technique or ease in society, knowledge of social matters, susceptibility to stimuli from other members of a group, as well as insight into the temporary moods or underlying personality traits of strangers”

Some of the important elements of social intelligence are:

Confidence in talking: In a party, or gathering you can easily spot a person with high score of SI talking to others with ease. Such people have verbal fluency and command of their conversation because of their composed state of mind. They are expressive and can carry discussions without boring others. Such people carry on their social roles easily. For example if the person is a host, he/she will make the guests so relaxed and at ease. If the person is a guest, he makes the host very comfortable, as though the he is a part and parcel of the household. Socially intelligent individuals learn to play various social roles with ease. A person with good  SI, conducts interviews also very well, without making the candidate nervous, he/she make the candidate comfortable. If it’s a doctor, he makes his patients comfortable, if it’s a judge, he keeps his courtroom good-humored place. If it’s a teacher his classroom has full attendance. So, the people with high SI, know how to play their roles. As a result, they are seen as socially sophisticated people.

Good listeners: Socially intelligent persons are great listeners. As a result, people who interact with them feel more ‘connected’ with them. They have better understanding of people. They are good observers too. They have a perfect reading of other’s behaviors Understanding emotions is part of social intelligence both. Remember, both SI and EI are inter connected. And, people who are especially skilled are high on both.

Good management skills: People with high SI, are good managers. They are good implementers too. They hold risk taking ability and are fast decision makers. They easily manage as well as control things. Even as they control things, they don’t make it obvious to others. This is the most complex element of social intelligence.

How do we develop social intelligence? It takes efforts to build social intelligence. By paying attention to world around, one learns manners, etiquettes and governance. Social intelligence is in a way complex socialization; such as we all experience politics, romance, family relationships, disagreements, tiffs, teamwork, tradeoffs, clichéd business relationships and philanthropy. Man is a social animal. Most of us go through highs and lows from our childhood. Our experiences in life develops the size of our brain. As we develop in life, our brain provides ability to interact with others in social circumstances. By and large, people develop themselves by observing others. Each one of us have role models, we develop by replicating them. The social intelligence quotient (SQ) is a statistical notion, similar to the ‘standard score’ approach used in IQ Test, with a mean of 100. Scores of 140 or above are considered to be high on score. SQ has until recently been measured by techniques such as question and answer sessions. These sessions assess the person’s rational abilities.

Audrey Hepburn – the greatest actress of all times, Oprah Winfrey – the famous talk show anchor, Barack Obama, Warren Buffet, Nelson Mandela, Indira Nooyi, are some names of people who are considered as social charmers. Friends, good leadership requires a combination of self-regulation and social intelligence. Self-regulation refers to how we handle ourselves; and social intelligence is handling others tactfully.

We are taught from our childhood to put our best foot forward; walk straight, have a good eye contact, give a firm shake hand, speak confidently, dress up properly etc, etc. And, when you do all that and you know what you are talking is right your confidence is mistaken many times as arrogance. I have been on the both sides of tables as a panelist conducting interviews and as a candidate answering interviews. I think confidence is perceived as arrogance by people who feel threatened by your confidence and when that happens, perception of arrogance serves as a defense mechanism.

There is really a very thin line between the two, and especially in a job interview situation. Confident people radiate, they are happy to talk about their achievements, their experience, and their view point easily without any hesitation; which is not perceived positively always. When the listener – it could be your teacher, interviewer, your friend, your colleague, your sibling, your neighbor anybody, if the listener disagrees with your view points, or they dislike you, or are jealous of you it’s an easy way to dismiss you as arrogant person. Many times people feel intimidated in presence of confident people.

Superiority is the main quality of an arrogant person. Arrogant people are single-minded; they either think that they are superior to others or inferior to them. This arrogance may be nothing more than a way to cover the feelings of inferiority they experience when dealing with someone else. It seems they feel better when they tear others down. On the contrary, confident people are high-minded, because they can feel good without having a desire to offend others. They usually see people’s potential and can help them succeed in something. It is always nice to have confident boss at work.

Remember this – it is all in your tone and the words you choose when you speak to others. If you are negative towards others to talk down to them then you come across as arrogant. If you are positive and more inclusive then it seems to be confidence. Confidence is certainly a wrong belief that one is always right in every situation. A confident person welcomes alternative perspectives and opinions. A confident person rarely will be found lecturing or preaching to others on how they are wrong. Believing you are always right and unable to accept influence from others can make one detestable to be around. Confident people are humble enough to accept to be wrong and are ok with it. A truly self-confident person is able to show openness and admit to past mistakes.

An arrogant person feels smart when someone else feels stupid. Their sense of pride depends on thinking less of someone else. You will see them correcting other’s grammar, punctuation, pronunciation, in short, showing flaws of others. As if it’s the only way they can feel an approximation of confidence. Arrogance is about intent; it is the tendency of a person to look down on others.

But, a confident person feels competent from the inside out. They use their talents to genuinely try to be of use, or to succeed at the task at hand. They might seek external validation, but they don’t depend on it to define their sense of their ability or nature.

Eye contact is crucial part of any conversation. When a confident person talks he will make eye contact with you and make you feel as though you are the most important person in the room. On the contrary, an arrogant person will all the time be looking past you for someone else to talk to.

Before he became one of America’s ultimate success stories, the great inventor, scientist, diplomat, and the expert connector of people and ideas, Benjamin Franklin was convinced that he was a moral mediocrity.

The truth is that no one is naturally humble. Becoming humble, in fact, is an laborious process. Do you know that George Washington, for example, had to struggle his entire life to become and stay humble. As a young man, his ego was enormous. Like the young Benjamin Franklin, his ambition outstripped his accomplishments.

Napoleon Bonaparte who created the great citizen army and swept through Europe, in fact refused to acknowledge that his forces were getting to thin and he was defeated. This shows his arrogance. Similarly, Hitler, Catherine the great, Cleopatra, Stalin all of these pretty much interesting historical figure were totally arrogant actually.

Power goes to head. Even the smallest dose of power can change a person. You must have seen it in so many people around you. Someone gets a promotion or a bit of fame and then, suddenly, they’re a little less friendly to the people beneath them.

Bear this in mind always – while you are busy in creating your enduring brand, your ability to understand and adapt to the varied realities around you is very important. You might find it difficult to serve in your job while still remaining true to who you are and what you believe.   Trying to achieve this balance means that you are more interested in getting it right than being right.

Hope you have become aware of the fine line between arrogance and confidence. Try to be confident, because everyone wants to hang around people who make other feel secure and positive. If you try to become confident, your relationship skills will be your greatest asset. Since the line in confidence and arrogance is thin; always be sure that you don’t sound or look arrogant. Confidence smiles while arrogance smirks.