All of us come across people who love to talk, talk and talk about themselves. We sometimes have to put up with someone who just won’t shut up, or someone who is too loud, or who has little to say but takes long time to say it, or someone who always talks about the same topic over and over again. It’s killing and frustrating for others who either try to be patient or good for the sake of it. At times, this “I”,”me”, “myself” is a boss whom you need to tolerate for obvious reasons; sometimes it can be somebody senior in age or relation. Why do they do this and what’s the best way to handle them? Such boring people simply lack social skill. They think they are enjoyable to be around with. But the fact is actually they make other hate them.

Do you know people who say ‘I’, ‘me’, and ‘myself’ frequently suffer with depression and anxiety? According to a new research conducted by scientists of the University of Kassel, Germany, found that the people who use first-person singular “I’ are more likely to be depressed than those who tend to use plural pronouns, such as ‘we’ and “us”. The finding suggests that these people are unable to spend time alone and are attention-seekers. By contrast, those who use ‘we’ in conversation are healthier mentally and more social. They are good at balancing their relationships, https://www.opaortho.com/valium-treatment-anxiety/.

In the age of social media everybody is busy sharing information, photographs and details about themselves on face book and tweeter; people like to update their status, their opinions on various issues. Nobody may care about their opinion except themselves, but new brain research suggests that it can make a person feel good simply by sharing his likes and dislikes. A research suggests that it provides some sort of subjective value: It feels good. Let’s get it right, science says 30 percent to 40 percent of our speech has to do with ourselves “self-disclosure.” It is a behavior that we do all of the time, day in and day out.

So, why did evolution encourage humans to feel good when they talk about themselves? People are motivated to self-disclose for the reason of bonding with someone, with a group or a circle. Dr. Paul Zak, a brain researcher and founding director of the Center for Neuro-economics Studies at Claremont Graduate University, says that human beings are social creatures; if they did not disclose information, then others might stop interacting with them. Animals do this with smells and movements, and humans do this with speech. This study reveals how our brain evolved to motivate sociality, which is quite fascinating.

Check yourself; are you the “I”, “me”, “myself” person? Do you always seem to find a way to make the conversation go about yourself? If yes, please understand that others feel very uncomfortable around people using the word ‘I’ more than three times per minute. Too much usage of the word ‘I’ can be an indication of either of two things: lack of empathy or excessively large longing for validation. As far as empathy is concerned, all of us in this world have a need to socialize with fellow human beings; socializing consists of exchanging of thoughts. Conversation is but obviously exchange of thoughts. Discussions are an endeavor that allows us to live together in this densely populated world. However, whenever the balance between giving and taking of thoughts becomes vague and distorted, we start feeling uncomfortable and we try to withdraw. By talking about ‘I’ too much, the conversation goes tangentially haywire. By talking about what ‘I believe this’ n ‘I believe that’ habitually, you totally take away the right of others with who you are in discussion. You disallow others from contributing to the conversation. And that is what is considered to be anti-social behavior.

As far as validation is concerned, if someone is using the word ‘I’ frequently it means the person has a disproportionately large need for receiving validation from social environment. This need consists of a sense of ‘wanting to be listened to.’ The question is: Why would someone keep talking about his own ideas while knowing that the listeners might not find his discussions pleasant? Well, maybe the person does not understand that his behavior is considered to be anti-social. Somebody needs to tell him to curtail the “I” in him. Or maybe the person knows the entire above but still doesn’t consider it to be anti-social; then he can only be called loathsome.

However, it is often very difficult to draw a line between what is a healthy contribution to a conversation and what is a smug or an arrogant urge to express one’s ideas. The former is admirable and can function therapeutically, constructively and even emphatically. Speaking is after all the best medium we have at our disposal to make others aware of our thoughts and beliefs. Of course creative arts such as poetry, a book, a story, a painting, a musical piece says a lot about the creator and his message. Yet, social interaction in terms of the spoken word still seems to govern human expression.

Even in the age of social media, face-to-face communication allows people to absorb the often subtle gestures, facial expressions and tonality that are required in order to express our deep thoughts. These days in over usage of electronic communication, a well-intended well written frank statement is much more likely to be misinterpreted than the same message being spoken out loud. Oral communication has advantage as the intricacies present in human speech can make all the difference for interpreting a message in either the intended or unintended way.

All said and done, sometimes however it might be infuriating, we just have to let the ‘I-talkers’ realize that it’s time they listen to others tolerantly. Occasionally we just have to be ‘harsh’ and tell them that their conversation is going bizarre and haywire. And, we can learn something from it; even by mistake if we sometimes do the “I-talking” how boring it is for others.

In our life, we often feel intimidated by others. Many people make us nervous. This covers a whole gamut of personalities ranging from some rich and famous, higher ups at work, love interests, some highly qualified people, politicians, people we don’t know at parties, popular people from society, our professors, some renowned professionals and celebrities. It’s very natural to feel intimidated occasionally. It pushes us to become better person. It happens often due to our imaginative gap we see between people we look up to and self. Some such people can bring up feelings we harbor about ourselves that we are not good enough, striking enough, interesting enough, intelligent enough or many more deficiencies.

Have you ever thought that many people must be getting intimidated by you? Your behavior, your mannerism might be misunderstood by many. Shyness is misunderstood as aloofness all the time. Silence is misunderstood as snobbishness; similarly chattiness is misunderstood as gossiping, getting emotional everyone and then is misunderstood as drama queen/king. A very successful doctor – an acquaintance of mine who appears aloof confided in me in one of the parties over a drink that he somehow can’t liberate from his shyness and he thoroughly enjoys when people interact with him. When I told him that he comes across as an aloof person he was astonished as it is just the opposite of his intent; in fact he looks forward to chat and interact with people. Sometimes, if we make the first social move and say hello, we might be wiping out two people’s nerves.

I think everyone feels a little uneasy and off-balanced when they’re around that handful of people who just seem to have everything going for them. They may be really outgoing as well, which can add in all the problems from the point above. You will find their intimidating impression shrinks when you just have more experience with them. When you get used to them, start seeing them as normal people, you will learn firsthand that they too have flaws and quirks and insecurities like everyone else. And, this might improve your own confidence and social skills. You then see these people as closer to your level, rather than them being on a pedestal and your feeling you’re a walking example of lame, awkward unworthiness that’s lucky to even be talking to them.

I would add here a very well managed movie ‘English Vinglish’ which is the story of Shashi, a woman who doesn’t know English and is intimidated by her family and society at large. The film though light-hearted is about the touching and transformational journey of Shashi. Circumstances make her resolute to overcome this insecurity, master English language, teach the world a lesson on the way to becoming a self assured and confident woman.

And, don’t we all believe in stereotypes about looks, styles, mannerisms, eating, drinking, about certain subgroups positive as well as negative. Many times we group religion, races or individuals together and make a judgment about them without knowing them; this is a pattern of a stereotype. Racial remarks, sexual remarks, and gender remarks are the biggest stereotypes. A common stereotype about Asians is that they are good at math and that all Asians like to eat rice and drive slow. Another example is that Irish like to get drunk and they love eating potatoes. And commonest of all is that all boys and men mess up their surroundings and girls are not good at sports. Most stereotypes probably tend to convey a negative impression.

We all want to consider ourselves as liberal, progressive, open-minded citizens of the world while we sometimes subtly act on negative stereotypes about certain groups without giving much importance to it. At University, someone who comes from rural area may feel nervous around young stylish men and women speaking fluently and without any hesitation. Someone may feel a little hesitant to try to be friendly to the Chinese students, because of a negative stereotype going around campus that they’re all selfish and aloof and only associate with each other. I know many people who feel very insecure about their educational qualifications. It is either because their love of education and not having so many degrees.

When someone is intimidated by really outgoing people it’s that they’re worried about having to talk to them and feeling really besieged about feeling that they won’t be able to keep up or know what to say. Let me tell you the moment we think that we won’t be able to converse freely and we might fall short of words trust me that’s what happens. If we’re inhibited, we may assume everyone is constantly looking for a reason to review our flaws. Some people come across as snobby and judgmental without intending to as well.

I think we need to face our fear and just get more used to talking to people we feel intimidated by. We must try to analyze our intimidation. The first time might be tough, but once we get used to talking to them asking question, conversing with them freely the fear evaporates.

I have seen sometimes more of a problem for young adults when they’re still in high school, where all kinds of students are mixed together and they run into some very intelligent, dull, whacky, flamboyant, argumentative, foul mouthed, cheater, sober all sorts of students. It sometimes becomes difficult for peace loving and sober students to fit in a class of tough guys. Once someone has moved on to college or the work world they usually don’t run across as many tough guys. The fear in the work world is that these people are dangerous loose cannons who may kick your ass at any second. This world is more political and full of bias where you face sweet tongued people who say something and do something in contrast.

Some men don’t feel comfortable hanging out with other guys. They find them to be too macho, destructive, cutting in their humor, or impulsive. They may feel that way because they got picked on as a kid, or because they never really felt like they fit the male stereotype. Some women feel the same way and see other females as being too catty, girly, backstabbing, or dramatic, among other things. This is another area where some childhood experience can take the intimidating edge.

We all are product of our subconscious mind; we are what we think. If we think we are unsafe, we are going to remain unsafe till end. If we see someone as threat, the person will surely turn out be a threat. You can take back your power by just changing the way you see yourself. When you learn to see yourself perfectly, you will feel safe in any condition. Don’t care too much what others think of you. Other people can think you are a terrible, stupid, poor, ugly person. But,   does this change what you actually are? You are born with a purpose; understand that purpose, there is no reason to feel threatened by anyone, because in reality they can’t hurt you. Occasionally spend time on yourself – deep down you are an amazing, complete, secured, beautiful and good enough. Off and on you might experience some storms they will come and go. You are matchless, one-of-a-kind soul on a journey of learning and growth. Your value cannot be questioned – your value is infinite and absolute.