Sibling rivalry is the jealousy, competition and fighting between brothers and sisters to score one over the others. It is a concern for almost all parents of two or more kids. Sibling rivalry is healthy if it works for creating some good results; like to prove superiority one child scores better marks in exams, or just to prove superiority a child masters an art… etc. But, at many times the sibling rivalry can become a serious thing; many children carry the hurt, pain, jealousy in long run even after they grow as adults. Siblings are supposed to be close, to be friends. They are supposed to help each other; they are supposed to protect each other in difficult times.  Problems often start right after the birth of the second child.

Statistically, sibling rivalry is indeed quite normal. However, even if it is thought so, there is nothing normal or healthy about it. The sibling feuds got their start in Bible: Cain and Abel were the sons of Adam and Eve but didn’t exactly see the newly created world in the same way. In the Bible, Cain (the firstborn) murders his brother Abel when the Lord favors Abel’s sacrifice over Cain’s. They had a rocky relationship that culminated in a heated quarrel. There are many  real life examples: the Andrew Sisters – LaVerne, Maxene, and Patty who worked together to top the charts as a trio singing group, the sisters reportedly refused to speak to one another offstage. Later, Patty even joined another group without telling the other sisters. But LaVerne and Maxene got their sweet revenge when Patty’s solo act was disparaged.

This is a genuine sibling rivalry. The fight goes all the way back to the sibling founders of both companies. In the 1920s, German brothers Adolf and Rudolf Dassler created a shoe company together in their mother’s laundry room. As business boomed, so did the stress and hatred between them. WWII (World War II) officially split them up, and Adolf started Adidas, while Rudolf created Puma. Both are world-famous shoe companies.

In one of the extensive research carried on the topic, researchers involved in the study have found that sibling rivalry is often filled with psychological and physical aggression, which can traumatize children, leading to higher instances of depression, anxiety, and anger later in life. In fact, sibling aggression may be more detrimental than bullying. One research goes on to prove that the feud starts with proving leadership traits. A new study on the long-term effects of negative communications between siblings has garnered some surprising results. Researchers have found that sibling rivalry is often filled with psychological and physical aggression, which can devastate children, leading to higher instances of depression, anxiety, and anger later in life. At times sibling aggression may be more damaging than bullying, https://www.opaortho.com/xanax-treating-anxiety/.

According to clinical psychologist Dr. John Caffaro, sibling violence is the most common form of family violence, occurring far more commonly than parental or spousal abuse. Some studies have estimated that nearly half of all children with siblings have suffered physical violence such as bites, kicks, and punches, while nearly 15 percent of those have been attacked repeatedly and killed.

The Effects of Sibling Rivalry can be breathtakingly nasty. The Indian music industry was for many decades ruled by two Mangeshkar sisters. While Lata Mangeshkar made her mark earlier than her sister, Asha who was a struggling singer back then. However, with changes and revolution in music, O. P. Nayyar gave her new success, and Asha was chosen for the new genre of music, after which she delivered many hits. Though the industry talked much about their sibling rivalry, the sisters rubbished such claims.

We have seen rivalry between siblings actively involved in family-owned businesses. It takes two different forms: emotional and strategic. To find solutions to resolve conflicts among brothers and sisters in family businesses, one must first determine if the rivalry is emotional or strategic, or some combination of both. A family business is started, for years run by the founder who knows every detail in every action that exists to make it work. When his/her children enter the business they are tested and scrutinized in every way by the parent, the senior managers and the employees. Their acumen is determined in different ways. The moment of truth is upon them as they prepare to take their place in the business: Who is best suited to take over? 

The wicked Indian corporate rivalry case from the Ambani family has always been in the news. After their father’s death in 2002, the business tycoon who built this successful business empire, the two brothers Mukesh and Anil had their fair share of differences over running the empire. Their differences have been so serious that Reliance Group was split between both of them. Since then, the dirty war between them has showed its aftermath: with the brothers even accusing each other of unethical practices in business. Unfortunately, this type of sibling aggression can doom the business simply.

Parents may feel like it’s okay for kids to fight things out, but the effects of sibling abuse can persist into adulthood, causing emotional issues and even self-sabotage later in life. When siblings are found fighting physically or humiliating each other, parents need to intervene and teach proper conflict resolution skills. Effective parenting is most important.  It helps the child function in society effectively, the child grows confident. Children need to be fed, clothed and have a roof over their heads. This is the bare minimum, the basic physiological needs. But they also need love, support, boundaries, and guidance to be valued to grow emotionally, intelligently and rationally in life. The child needs to be listened to. These things allow a child to take risks and test limits at the same time as still remaining safe. Most important fact is that parenting does not come with a manual. And, equally another fact is that child is the mirror image of its parents.

One of the questions which keeps coming back in my mind is how can two/three/four children having the same parents have very different personalities and interests? My siblings are completely different than I am.  I suppose in families where there are more than two kids, they compete with each other to surpass the standard; it is like in vineyards the vines are planted just close to each other and together they are forced to compete for nutrients in the soil and sunlight. Stress causes the plants to put more energy into their reproductive processes, increasing the quantity and quality of the grapes.

Siblings try to be different from one another, and seek to establish a unique identity and position of their own in their family. From a child’s perspective, if an older brother/sister excels at school, it may be easier for that sibling to attract her parent’s attention and admiration. The other one tries to become a star athlete to compete with the sibling who gets best grades. In this way, even small differences between siblings can become substantial differences over time. Parents play a big role in differentiating their children: for instance, when parents notice differences between their children, children may pick up on parents’ perceptions and beliefs about those differences.

The socialization theories assume that the environment of the family unit influences psychological development, while the result of shared experiences lead to similarities among siblings, behavioural-genetics research indicates that children growing up in the same family do not share effective environmental influences. It is not shared experiences, but shared genetics that make siblings resemble one another. Research has also shown that the unique aspects of each child’s experience while growing up seems to be more powerful in shaping personality than what the siblings experience in common. The finding has also stimulated new, intensive research to pinpoint the subtle disparities in how children are treated within a family. The disparities make a big difference later, larger than ever. Birth order also plays a role, tough a minimal role. Instead, factors ranging from a child’s perceptions about parental affection, discipline and the friends a child chooses are coming to the front from a range of studies.

Siblings keep comparing themselves to one another on factors such as parental love, control, attention and favoritism. These are some elements to increase sibling rivalry. We recognize the importance that basic intelligence plays in the ease with which a child learns. One child may be particularly bright and enjoy school, while his/her sibling might be a slow learner, although that child may star in another way. Nevertheless, although siblings may be the same sex, equally intelligent and equally capable physically, their parents may play parenting games for several reasons. This can be a cause why each child looks, sounds, and acts differently.

We all come of out from a lineage: our inborn characteristics such as shyness, moodiness, concentration, extroversion, introversion, assertiveness, aggression shape the way we approach different experiences in life right from childhood. In turn, it shapes us to who we become. The manner in which each child enters into potential experiences cannot be the same though they belong to one family and same parents. Each one experiences life differently.

Some famous Hollywood and Bollywood movies such as Ganga-Jamuna, Ram aur Shyam, Deewar, Sita aur Geeta from Bollywood and Stuck on you, In her shoes, The Godfather series from Hollywood dealt with issues of sibling upbringing, circumstantial differences and the rivalry among them. There are so many reasons for experience one sibling has than the experience the other sibling doesn’t get. Before September 11, 2001, many parents trained their children that the United States was a secure country. After the fateful day of 9/11, their sense of strength was shattered and they weren’t sure what to tell their children. Therefore, for many people this event changed the way they parented; perhaps the new reality caused them to create more anxious children than would be true for siblings who had come into the family in less frightening times.

When a child is born, along with it two parents are born. Parents grow with their kids and learn parenting tricks. It is said that children are like pancakes; till we get the right shape and consistency, we throw away the first one or two. While this cannot be the case with our kids. But, there is a ring of truth to the idea that we make a lot of parenting mistakes with the first child. Unfortunately, they suffer because of our inexperience until we’re able to manage to gain better parenting skills.

Our personalities are shaped out of our circumstantial experiences. When the first child is born, the temperament of that child determines the personalities of its younger siblings. For example, if the first child is naturally easy-going and happier the effect on the younger children is positive. One big fact about parenting is: one should enjoy the parenting, it must give lots of joy and fun while bringing up kids. Parenting isn’t practice, it’s a daily experience.