People seek validation to feel accepted, secure, and to measure their self-worth which is  often rooted in basic human needs and past experiences. It’s a natural inclination stemming from the desire for social connection and fear of seclusion, but excessive reliance on external validation hinders personal growth and well-being. Constantly seeking validation can lead to an “approval addiction” when individuals prioritize the opinions of others over their own feelings and needs. When we seek approval from others, and depend on it, to feel a sense of worthiness, we build our self-esteem on a shifting, temporary foundation. 

When individuals stop seeking external validation, it generally signifies an egoless person. Such people shift towards self-acceptance and self-reliance. It leads towards increased self-confidence, less anxiety, and a stronger sense of self-worth. Instead of relying on others’ opinions, they prioritize their own values and beliefs, making decisions based on internal scope rather than external pressures. People who depend on external validation are weak individuals.

Pandit Madan Mohan Malaviya who is best known for founding the Banaras Hindu University (BHU), one of Asia’s largest residential universities. He was also a prominent figure in the Indian independence movement and a strong advocate for modern education among Indians. Additionally, he was a key leader in the Indian National Congress and founded the Hindu Mahasabha. He is best known for popularizing the slogan “Satyameva Jayate” (सत्यमेव जयते), which translates to “Truth alone triumphs”. He actively promoted this slogan, particularly during his presidency of the Indian National Congress in 1918. 

 it’s true that Madan Mohan Malaviya famously used a “begging bowl” to collect funds for the establishment of Banaras Hindu University (BHU). He travelled intensively, seeking donations from various individuals and organizations to realize his vision of a world-class educational institution. When Malviya visited the Nizam of Hyderabad, Mir Osman Ali Khan, for fund raising for BHU, Nizam furiously flung his slippers at Malviya because Nizam did not approve the word “Hindu” for the university. Malviya then auctioned the slippers within the Nizam’s own estate. This unconventional method, while initially met with anger from the Nizam, ultimately led to the Nizam agreeing to build the staff quarters for BHU and later making a cash donation. 

By recognizing their own worth and abilities, individuals don’t care for getting criticized and they become more confident in their choices. The constant need for external validation can be a source of anxiety. When this need diminishes, such people do great societal work. They are more confident, resilient, and respectful of themselves and others. This inner sense of worth is not dependent on external validation, but rather a deep-seated understanding of their purpose of life. Such people are helpful to others around them.

Ishwar Chandra Vidyasagar is renowned for his pivotal role in social reform, particularly concerning women’s rights and education during the Bengal Renaissance. The Bengal Renaissance was a period of significant social, cultural, and intellectual reform in 19th and early 20th century Bengal, particularly in Calcutta. It was characterized by a revitalized interest in indigenous traditions alongside the adoption of Western ideas and practices, leading to a flourishing of arts, literature, science, and social reform movements. The renaissance involved a questioning of traditional social structures, including the caste system, Sati (widow immolation), and child marriage, and a push for women’s rights and education. his period saw the rise of influential thinkers, reformers, and writers who engaged with both Indian and Western philosophical and scientific ideas. 

Vidyasagar is celebrated for advocating for widow remarriage, challenging child marriage and polygamy, and promoting female education, thus leaving a lasting impact on Indian society. Vidyasagar’s life was evidence to his commitment to social justice and progress. He saw education as the key to societal betterment and worked tirelessly to make it accessible to all, regardless of caste or gender. Vidyasagar believed that education was the foundation for individual and societal development. He established schools, including the first for girls in Calcutta, and advocated for a blend of Eastern and Western educational philosophies. He also worked to simplify Sanskrit grammar for Bengali students.  His purpose was to bring about positive change in society through education and social reform, leaving behind a legacy of progress and enlightenment. He never sought validation, he wasn’t primarily driven by external validation in his work, particularly in his social reforms and educational initiatives. He was motivated by a strong sense of social justice and a desire to improve the lives of others, often going against popular opinion and facing significant opposition. 

Jyotiba and Savitribai Phule were pioneers in advocating for girls’ education in Maharashtra, India during the 19th century. They established the first school for girls in India in 1848 in Pune, challenging prevailing social norms that restricted education for women. Their efforts expanded to include establishing multiple schools and educational trusts, impacting marginalized communities and fostering a more inclusive approach to education. Svitribai Phule became India’s first female teacher, she taught in the girl’s school.  Without seeking validation from society. They challenged societal norms by establishing schools for girls, including those from lower castes, and fought against practices like child marriage and sati. Their work was driven by a belief in education and empowerment as tools for social change, rather than by a desire for societal approval. 

Conclusion: In the pre-independence era formal education was largely inaccessible to girls, with societal norms often dictating that they be married off at a young age, making education seemed unrelated. There were many social restrictions on girls. Many families considered education for girls to be unnecessary or even harmful, fearing it might make them ambitious or discontent with their prescribed roles. Thar era saw lack of educational institutions. There were fewer schools for girls, and those that existed often focused on practical skills like needlework rather than broader academic subjects. During such setting social reformers such as Madan Mohan Malviya, Ishwar Chandra Vidyasagar and  Mahatma Jyotiba Phule and his better half Savitribai Phule contributed to educate girls to make them independent. Individuals who don’t seek external validation tend to have a clearer understanding of their own values, beliefs, and goals. Without the pressure to conform to others’ expectations, individuals can be more genuine and truer to themselves.  Because are less concerned with the opinions of others they can face challenges of societal norms and advocate for change.

Why we like some people while hate others?

We all have our own triggers when it comes to dealing with “difficult” people.  Now, whom I label as difficult might be a friend of yours; or may be the most liked person in some association or group. Our likes and dislikes stem from our upbringing, conditions, perspectives, and our experiences in life.  It sounds illogical at times, while explaining others regarding our likes and dislikes. But, once our beliefs are formed which are sum total of all our life’s experience it becomes a bit difficult to delete it all.

As we grow up, our unconscious recognitions and identifications of who we are, what we believe in, what we like or dislike, what we hope for, what we fear, what we want etc. are shaped by our personal experiences and environmental conditioning. We tend to seek out and attract people who will confirm to us what we already think, believe, expect or want to know more about. And, yet we hardly have control on people who exists in our lives; we cannot choose our relatives, our neighbors, our colleagues, our classmates, our bosses, our peers, we have absolutely no control over our life associations. The most profound truth is we don’t even choose our parents and siblings. When you find yourself liking or disliking someone it is because you are picking up on the vibrations that a person is emitting at that given time, and this you are doing in a particular state of mind.

Our life is nothing but a big story comprising of short inter-woven stories. Some of those short stories are pleasant while some might not be so good. Now all those short stories (experiences) are connected with other people. We feel good when we are with some people and some people make us feel uncomfortable. We feel a sense of ease around some of them. Those people, who vibrate states opposite to ours at any given time, make us feel bad or uneasy. Some of them aresensitive, moldable and some people really don’t care for anything.

For some people telling lies is a habit; it becomes a pattern of life for them; while for some cheating or deceiving habit is by default. There are those others for whom moral values are bygones.  While some are sensitive; some are caring, some friendly, helpful and compassionate.

There is something very intense to know about our like-hate feelings; that all the qualities we hate in others are things that we see in ourselves and don’t like. So, when you meet people who ‘exhibit’ the qualities that you like about yourself, you click with them. We also tend to like certain people when we find in them a mixture of the things that we like about ourselves and the opposite of the things we hate about ourselves. However, we click with this combination of people, I suppose because they portray both qualities which we like about ourselves and dislike about ourselves.

Each of us is unique. While falling in love, we don’t fall in love with just anyone. We have deep and peculiar preferences. Why do we fall in love with that one person rather than anyone else? Research has proved that there is much evidence that people generally fall in love with those who share the same socioeconomic and cultural background; also, the age is similar, with the same degree of intelligence and level of education, and with a similar sense of humor and grade of attractiveness. But, when we come across multiple people from our background, with our level of education, degree of intelligence and good looks, we don’t fall in love with all of them, we choose only one. That’s because there is room only for one. Love is of your own free will accepted illusion. Sure, when we fall in love, we feel that we’re in love, but feeling – like everything else we experience is hunky-dory – all originates from the brain.

Among the countless elements that shape our romantic choices is an unconscious list of qualities we begin to build in childhood. Characteristics of our parents; mother’s efficiency in kitchen, her style of dressing up, her sense of humor, her warmth; father’s looks, his style of dressing, his interest in cars, politics, games; our siblings – their characteristics, their likes and dislikes. So there we go, our childhood and adult experiences shape and reshape outline of our romantic partner. We either follow our mother or father. One of them influences us terribly; so, sometime if we are told so and so qualities are best suited for your partner; we start searching for one such partner. Each one of us constructs an eccentric/idiosyncratic catalog of traits, values, aptitudes, and mannerisms that appeal to us. Then, when the timing is right and we meet a person with those traits he/she registers on our love map.

Let’s accept like we do, others also have right to like or dislike us. We should not have the great feeling about ourselves that others should unconditionally accept us for what we are. If someone doesn’t like you, it doesn’t have to matter. The great Albert Ellis who was an American psychologist and who in 1955 developed Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy (REBT) said that one of the best ways to create desolation is to work from the mindset that all people must like you at all times. If you have this notion – for God’s sake you will not only fail at it, but this approach to life will cause you to constantly be modifying your own thoughts, behaviors and identity to suit the perceived desires of those around you. This sugary pretense will ultimately be detected and people will know you aren’t being your true self. This just won’t cut it.

So, friends it’s perfectly fine to like some people while not like others. It’s very normal. The best thing to do is accept that this fact. Having accepted this fact, we need to do something further; let’s not waste time on being judgmental about others around us. We don’t realize this but it is time consuming activity. We’re all mortal, human, and totally imperfect. And, when you think you are being judged, you probably aren’t. It’s really too hard to judge every single person you meet, analyzing their flaws and imperfections. Push your limits little further – for concentrating on yourself – increasing your self-worth.  Learn to catch yourself when you start over-thinking about others. Recognize this pattern of abuse and do something to overcome it. The only thing that needs to shift in order for you to experience more happiness, more love, and more vitality, is accepting you have power to change yourself not others. In short, LIVE AND LET LIVE.