Our mind is our most powerful device because it can make, break, control events happening in our life. It can control the way we feel, we behave, we achieve things. Positive or negative thinking often starts with self-talk. Self-talk is the endless stream of unspoken thoughts that run through our head. These habitual thoughts can be positive or pessimistic. Some of our self-talk comes from logic and reason. Other self-talk may arise from false impressions and wrong information which we hear from here and there, and that we create because of lack of information. We talk to ourselves all day long and, unfortunately, this self-talk is often negative. Often it is filled with guilt about our past or anxiety about our future. This negativity can destroy any seed of hope that we may otherwise have in striving for our dreams. Self-talk is a form of manifestation.

We all replay conversations in our head, wondering if we said the right thing? Whether we did the right thing? Whether we are in the right job/profession? Why so and so is a friend/foe? Such thoughts can spring unhealthily and result in our thoughts controlling our actions and behaviour.

This article is about manifestation. What is manifestation? How do you manifest the things you want in life? Manifestation is about turning your dreams into reality by making and implementing strategies…in other words to take practical steps towards whatever it is that you desire. Daydreaming is a form of manifestation; when we daydream, our mind visualizes things almost without any efforts. If you are a daydreamer, you already have the ability to visualize.

Researchers at University of California have established some facts that most important scientific breakthroughs ever made by scientists including Einstein and Newton came about as the geniuses allowed their minds to wander. Daydream is the key to solving trickier questions playing on our minds. Einstein is believed to have begun his theory of relativity while he daydreamed about riding or running beside a sunbeam to the edge of the universe, Newton too developed his theory of gravity after he happened to see an apple fall from a tree in his mother’s garden in Lincolnshire.

It is not just simply daydreaming about what you want. When we are randomly daydreaming, we are not focused and we are not immersing ourselves fully into the experience of “being” and “living” what it is that we want to manifest. The truth is, we are manifesting at all times. Manifestation does not mean that when you desire something in life, it to happen instantly or overnight while you sleep.

Essentially, manifestation is bringing something tangible into your life through attraction and belief. It requires strong willpower and positive thinking. It is making everything you want to feel and experience in reality. Manifestation’s origins are in religion and spirituality because if something spiritual becomes real, it is said to be a manifestation. The word’s usage has spread to include all aspects of life. So before you manifest practice the following steps:

Be clear about what you want. If you want a job imagine you doing the job, with all particulars such as your position, the ambience of your office, your cabin, you signing papers, your gait while walking in the office, how you would travel to work etc. Manifestation needs clarity with details; it will not work if the thoughts are vague. Figure out how you feel while imagining that you have the job. Create a plan to get the job and most important be persistent, stick to it. Have gratitude, thank your God for giving the power to imagine a job, for giving power to fill the details. In the process you might get some limiting thoughts. Brush them aside, trust the process. Raise your vibration, you might receive signals from the universe, acknowledge those signals.

Many times we get dejected when we ask for something but don’t get it. For example wanting to marry a particular man/woman, wanting a profession, a position in society, lots of money, a house, car, number of children….but we don’t get many of these. We immediately become negative, we question God’s plan. The whole notion of deserving is a human concept. That is, it is a subjective thing. There is no objective authority that can determine what any individual deserves. The notion that we do or do not deserve things is highly subjective and usually irrational.

If only you trust God’s plan and surrender to Him, you can remain in blissful state of mind. People get what they get. Sometimes people get a huge windfall for almost no reason at all certainly nothing to do with their work. Or they might work hard and get a lot. Or work not at all and get next to nothing. I am giving here below a case I read on bbc.com to emphasis on how powerful manifestation is.

A 74-year-old woman had initially been troubled by a rash that wouldn’t go away. By the time she arrived at the hospital, her lower right leg was covered in waxy lumps, eruptions of angry red and livid purple. Tests confirmed it was carcinoma, a form of skin cancer. The future looked bleak. Given the spread of the tumours, radiotherapy would not have been effective; nor could the doctors dig the tumours from the skin. Dr.Alan Irvine, the patient’s doctor at St James’ Hospital, Dublin felt at 74 the patient was unlikely to adapt well to a prosthetic limb.

Shortly, the “miracle” started. Despite receiving no treatment at all, the tumours were shrinking and shortening before their eyes. Just in few months and the tumours just disappeared. After 20 weeks, the patient was free of. There had been no doubt about her diagnosis, but after about 20 weeks there was nothing in the biopsies, or the scans.

Somehow, she had healed herself of arguably the most feared disease. Everyone was thrilled, and puzzled. Her doctor Irvine said with some underestimation “it shows that it is possible for the body to clear cancer even if it is incredibly rare.”

The question is, how? Irvine’s patient believed it was the hand of God; she had kissed a religious artefact just before the healing set in. But scientists are instead looking to the underlying biology of so-called “spontaneous regression” to hunt for clues that could make these rare cases of self-healing more common. This is the power of manifestation. You can train your mind and body to do this on a broader scale.  “What you think, you create. What you feel, you attract. What you imagine, you become.”

In the 1960s, Dr. Eric Berne designed a communication style called Transactional Analysis (TA). Dr. Berne proposed that verbal communication is the core of all social interactions, especially the face-to-face communication. We find that some people are authoritative in their tone and body language, some are vulnerable – childlike while some are curt -straight forward and tend to take instant decisions. Dr. Berne observed that people interchange into their ego states of Child, Parent and Adult depending on situations they face; any person is made up of 3 alter ego personas. Their responses depend on conditions; in vulnerable situations their communication is not all that effective.

In an ideal situation, communication between 2 individuals should always be in Adults state. In that way, both individuals are thoughtful, reasonable, and able to make mature decisions. But in reality, that does not happen. TA helps in understanding why someone wants to do something, why someone wants to deal with some particular person, what they want to do, by when they want to complete some work and  in exchange of what.

For example, your boss talks to you in Parent state; as though, he/she knows everything better than you know. Your friend is undergoing a divorce and is not too sure of her feelings, she is in a Child ego state; all that you are talking to her in logical sense loses its essence, because she is vulnerable at that moment. These sorts of communication problems often occur in our lives, but we just don’t understand how or why they happen. Dr. Berne’s work is now used to examine and improve conversation between individuals conducting business.

All transactions in our life are made with certain expectations. Occasionally contracts are made with multiple parties – with all parties to the contract having their own expectations. If these expectations are all compatible then things work out, if they are ambiguous, it is better to discuss out everybody’s expectations which will lead to greater understanding and therefore to a clear contract. Contracts need to be outlined in positive words i.e. what is wanted, rather than what is not wanted. Dr. Berne observed that our minds tend to focus on the negative aspects first, which encourages failure. For example, we are so suspicious in nature, that when we are given certain instructions we tend to do what we are not told to do.

People who are good in negotiation skills seem to have mastered transactional analysis. It is very important to adopt to a suitable ego state to resolve differences and to get the best deal. Conflicts and disagreements are inevitable; from time-to-time they keep arising due to our expectations and wants. We don’t realize that each person has a different belief system. Without negotiation, such conflicts may lead to argument and resentment resulting in one or all of the parties feeling dissatisfied. The point of negotiation is to try to reach agreements without causing future barriers in communications.

Dr. Berne’s concept of ego states helps to explain how we are made up, and how we relate to others. These are drawn as three piled circles and they are one of the building blocks of Transactional Analysis. They set the ways we think, feel and behave and are called Parent, Adult, and Child. Each ego state is given a capital letter to denote the difference between actual parents, adults and children.

Parent ego state

This is a set of feelings, thinking and behavior that we have copied from our parents and significant others in our lives. As we grow up we get inspired and take in ideas, beliefs, feelings and behaviors from our parents and custodians. If we live in an extended family then there are more people to learn and take in from. When we do this, it is called interrupting and it is just as if we take in the whole of the care giver. At times, we realize that saying things just as our father, mother, uncle, aunt or grandmother or an elderly neighbor. We use some statements by which we are influenced greatly. Consciously, even if we don’t want to, we do this as we have lived with this person so long that we automatically replicate certain things that were said to us, or treat others as we might have been treated. The parent ego state can be of two types: a nurturing parent or a controlling parent.

Adult ego state

The Adult ego state is about direct responses to the here and now. We deal with things the way they need to be dealt with without allowing our past experience to hinder with it. Adult state does not allow our past to influence our decisions. The Adult ego state is about being spontaneous and aware with the capacity and familiarity. When we transact through our Adult ego state, we are able to see people as they are, rather than what we project onto them. We seek information for taking rational decisions. Assumptions have no room in our decision making. Taking the best from the past and using it appropriately in the present is a combination of the positive aspects of both our Parent and Child ego states. So this can be called the Integrating Adult. Integrating means that we are constantly updating ourselves through our everyday experiences and using this for our rationality. The Adult in us is the ‘grown up’ rational person who talks reasonably and assertively, yet neither trying to control nor reacting aggressively towards others. The Adult is comfortable with himself/herself and is, for many of us, our ‘ideal self’.

The Child ego state is a set of behaviors, thoughts and feelings which are replayed from our own childhood. They say our core personalities are developed from 0-5 years in our childhood.

Child ego state

Perhaps the boss calls us into his or her office, we may immediately get a churning in our stomach and wonder what we have done wrong. If this were explored we might remember the time the head teacher called us in to tell us off. Of course, not everything in the Child ego state is negative. We might go into someone’s house and smell a lovely smell and remember our grandmother’s house when we were little, and all the same warm feelings we had at five years of age may come flooding back.

Remember that both the Parent and Child ego states are constantly being updated. There are three types of child we play:

• Natural child is aware of himself/herself. They are open to new ideas, they are playful and vulnerable.
• Another is a cute professor. This child is curious and exploring. He/she always tries out new things, such as child often annoys the parent.
• The third one is Adaptive child who tries to adapt himself/herself to the surrounding by changing or molding according to situation. At times they rebel against forces which are not befitting.

Self-talk needs observation

In structural model of TA, the Integrating Adult ego state circle is placed in the middle to show how it needs to coordinate between the Parent and the Child ego states. For example, the internal Parent ego state may beat up on the internal Child, saying “look you did it wrong again, you are no good, you are shabby, you are stupid, you are useless”. The Child may then respond with “I am no good, I am useless, I am stupid, I can never do it good, I never get it right.” It is so important to nurture the child in us. It is therefore, very important to keep a tab on our self-talk. When we do not pay attention to our internal dialogue, as it goes on constantly, we make or break our self-image. An effective Integrating Adult ego state can intervene between the Parent and Child ego states. This might be done by stating that this kind of parenting is not helpful and asking if it is prepared to learn another way. Alternatively, the Integrating Adult ego state can just stop any negative dialogue and decide to develop another positive Parent ego state perhaps taken in from other people they have met over the years.

Emotional growth of child: People unknowingly only concentrate on the stages of their child’s physical development and have little insight or understanding about the importance of child’s emotional development. It is so important to understand child’s emotional development. Rarely, we see parents who acknowledge how their child might be feeling at a particular time and what impressions they are making on the child. It is important to remember that each child develops in his/her own unique way depending on its personality.

TA rests on these facts: the human brain acts like a tape recorder, and while we may ‘forget’ experiences, the brain still has them recorded. Along with events the brain also records the associated feelings, and both feelings and events stay locked together. It is possible for a person to exist in two states simultaneously. Hidden experiences when replayed are intense, and affect how we feel at the time of replaying. The body reacts to our mental condition; the link between the biological and the psychological states is very strong, psychological fear of cockroaches might create a biological feeling of vomiting.

I am ok, you are ok:

Thomas Harris wrote the famous book ‘I am ok, you are ok’ based on Eric Berne’s TA. The phrase I’m OK, You’re OK is one of four “life positions” that each of us may take. The four positions are:

1. I’m Not OK, You’re OK
2. I’m Not OK, You’re Not OK
3. I’m OK, You’re Not OK
4. I’m OK, You’re OK

Harris observes in his book that people who have troubled childhood conclude I’m Not OK, You’re Not OK or I’m OK, and you are Not OK. The emphasis of the book is to help out people understand how their life position affects their communications (transactions) and relationships.

TA gives people a choice about how they react when confronted with an interpersonal situation which makes them feel uncomfortable. Harris provides practical suggestions regarding how to stay in the Adult ego state, despite provocations from others.

]]> https://drvidyahattangadi.com/transactional-analysis-for-self-help/feed/ 0 https://drvidyahattangadi.com/have-a-positive-self-talk/ https://drvidyahattangadi.com/have-a-positive-self-talk/#respond Thu, 13 Aug 2015 00:30:14 +0000 http://drvidyahattangadi.com/?p=2615 Have a positive self talk

 A positive person foresees joy, health and accomplishments, and believes he or she can conquer any impediment and difficulty easily. Positive people are optimists. They see hope and opportunities in their lives. It’s always nice to surround yourself with positive people. They are full of life.

A lot of research is being conducted even today in the world on positivity. Researchers continue to explore the effects of positive thinking and its optimistic effect on health and other facets of life. Positive thinking often starts with self-talk. Self-talk is the endless stream of unspoken thoughts that run through our head. These habitual thoughts can be positive or pessimistic. Some of our self-talk comes from logic and reason. Other self-talk may arise from false impressions and wrong information which we hear from here and there, and that   we create because of lack of information. We talk to ourselves all day long and, unfortunately, this self talk is often negative. Often it is filled with guilt about our past or anxiety about our future. This negativity can destroy any seed of hope that we may otherwise have in striving for our dreams.

Our actions are inspired by our thoughts. If we can change the way we think, we can begin to change the actions we take. It is human nature to seek personal growth; whether financially, emotionally, physically or spiritually. Practicing positive self talk can help us set in motion actions that will bring us greater rewards.

Self talk is our internal conversations with our own self through which we form our opinion about others, about situations and facts of life. Self talk is our monologue with our own self. If this self talk is positive, it creates great wonders.   A positive self talk lowers depression of any kind. You don’t feel the anguish; it creates better resistance to fight diseases of body. It keeps a strong heart and cardiovascular system.  Most important, it gives you great coping skills during any hardships in life.

If the thoughts that run through our head are mostly negative, our outlook on life is more likely pessimistic. If our thoughts are mostly positive, we are likely to be optimistic. And we can start practicing to be optimistic.

Prayers help in creating positivity in our life. It takes just a matter of seconds to utter, but they have the power to influence our life, our behaviour, our confidence. Prayers create positive influence on our hearts, on our perceptions; they have immense strength on us. A moment on our lips is a lifetime on our souls. A simple prayer can change us; can lead us on the path to healing ourselves and our world. So pray. Pray for peace, pray for healing, pray for advances in science, pray for the strength to eradicate poverty and disease, pray for the courage to overcome injustice, pray for resolve, pray for others, pray for yourself. Pray to God with all your heart and soul, and then gather up your might to meet the challenges that lie ahead.

Prayer is not a passive activity. Prayer revises us. It awakens us. Our eyes begin to notice beauty where we never noticed it before. Our hearts begin to feel compassion we never knew we had. Our priorities shift. As we talk to God, we receive the encouragement to live up to the potential inside us. Soon we start to see beyond ourselves into the world that is waiting for our help.

Researchers say that people who are pessimistic find that their self-talk tends toward frequently and unrelenting form of destructive self-talk.   Positive affirmations are statements you say to yourself to offset negative thoughts and beliefs. When we make a conscious effort to change our lives, positive affirmations feed us invigorating positive energy. They help us to let go of harmful and hurtful beliefs that feed our psyche.

These positive statements can be repeated several times throughout the day. By taking the time to vocalize the affirmations, the positive changes you wish to manifest, will shift the energy in and around you. It is the vibration of the tone of your own voice as you speak that creates this energy for change to occur. You can also take the time to write your affirmations in the morning and the evening. This is more promising activity. Just remember the more time you are willing to invest in yourself to create positive change the more you will gain from the work you have done. Start writing your affirmations – use an affirmation journal. There are many ways and means by which we can create positivity around us.

Stay happy with a positive self talk.