Shakespeare has written that “love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind”, but in this Internet age where we boast of having friends and fans in thousands we look only with eyes, where is the mind? We get connected and disconnected with “friends” in a second because everything is in absentia. We spend hours to take the best selfie picture for posting it on Facebook and Instagram, playing with best words for articulating the wonderful Facebook status, and coming up with the perfect Tweets. Whether true or not, our online personas are most articulated because that is how we want people to see us. I wonder how people can forget their “real self.” How many online people that we meet in real life are true to the way they have projected themselves?

It is not possible to live up to the image one portrays on social media. Falling in love which is the most wonderful experience in life has become rare. Gone are the days of giving and receiving roses, saying hi over a cup of tea, dating, sending love letters, and the other meaningful gestures; instead they are replaced with cut copy paste message available on Internet, a like, a poke, and ‘pop up’ online. This has affected relationships between two keen lovers too much. The anxiety to describe how much you are in love and the anxiety to plaster a virtual relationship in perfection puts too much pressure on the budding relationship.

The most common trend amongst today’s generation is need for instant gratification. They grew up and continue to thrive in a culture that allows instant access to just about anything and everything – including a partner.  If they want food, they have it delivered with the click of a few buttons or walking a block or two and grab dinner. If they are bored, they have endless distractions in the form of phone apps. If they need directions or a question answered, it only takes  a couple of seconds. This easily available convenience has spoiled the youngsters to no end. We never experienced anything even remotely close to it. Therefore to a great extent, you still find modest genuineness in our generation; whereas, instant gratification in anything and everything has become an addiction for the millennial.

Of all the things, love is not meant to be experienced in one or few instances, but in a lifetime. Instead of really discovering the quality, culture, likes and dislikes of a person, the edgy lovers begin conversation with booze, often even with drugs. Drugs and alcohol often end up high and dry because they are love’s biggest enemies. These substances give us the illusion of an alternate reality, a reality in which our emotions are heightened, and the love we experience becomes exponentially intense. In the first or second meeting, individuals immediately go for sex. And, these days most individuals have multiple partners, but sleeping around with different individuals leaves one feeling extremely empty.

The experience of going to bed with different partners starts out feeling exciting and gratifying, but ends up making one feel lonelier. The feeling of being loved, the feeling of being understood and finding someone genuine becomes more difficult. This happens because you are wasting your time with people who mean nothing to you and, to top it all, multiple partners make sex a sporting activity. Unfortunately, the feeling of love becomes elusive. Till one is under influence of booze, he/she feels loved but later it all fades away.

Today’s generation is more egocentric; they are I, me and I. They say ‘my need first’ whether this is good or bad doesn’t really matter. The problem arises when the egocentricity overtakes one’s ability to feel empathetic. As human beings, we are left with no choice but to live and function within society. When we focus on only ourselves, our needs, our wants and desires, the needs of the others in our life and out circle get overlooked. When this happens in a relationship, it all begins to fall apart. So people today have short-lived relationships.

Relationships cannot be pushed. True love is a very beautiful feeling which you don’t feel like boasting, it blooms in heart, and it’s a sweet relationship that you share with your partner and is inclusive of just the two of you. True love does not grow only with passion;   these relationships take time to develop.

When we become busy updating our story feeds and check-ins online; when we rush in and out of relationships just for the sake of it, as though it is mandatory to have someone to show off to the world, true love runs far away from us. We date because we believe we’re supposed to date. We’re supposed to find someone to fall in love with and spend our lives with, and we are under the impression that the best way to go about it is to date as often as possible. Precious things are always rare, that is the reason love is rare.

If you look around you will see that some people are serious about their relationship, they are ready to commit, they are ready to compromise on many things and you also see that some people are frivolous and take their relations lightly. For many, it is like changing gadgets or clothes. I mean, I see the younger people jumping from one relation into other aimlessly. I wonder what they want from relationship; love, passion, stability, serenity, friendship, commitment, or what? They are so confused, they want too many things or they just want to kill time with somebody. Many people are not ready for a serious relationship, and are just after a bit of fun here and there. You see this in so many movies.

Every person who falls in love experiences variety of agonies and pleasures of love. Each person has his/her own character and personality; they have different backgrounds and conditions. So there is no set of rule that applies equally to everyone. Also, whom a person dates is also a matter of personal choice. No one has any right to intrude in anybody’s private affair. Yes the youngsters say, not even their parents.  But, our heart and gut do give us signals about the right or the wrong person. Do we hear to them?

I think if your love does not allow losing sight of pursuing your own personal development, if your love is helping you to expand your life and bring forth your inherent potential with fresh and dynamic vitality then you have found an ideal partner.

People often lose all objectivity when they fall in love. If the relationship you’re in is causing your parents, your well wishers to worry, or making you ignore your studies or engage in negative behavior, then you and the person you’re seeing are only being a negative influence and impediment to each other. Neither of you will be happy if you both just end up hurting each other. If you are neglecting the things you should be doing, forgetting your purpose in life because of the relationship you’re in, then you are not in the right company. A healthy relationship is one in which two people encourage each other to reach their respective goals while sharing each other’s hopes and dreams. A relationship should be a source of inspiration, invigoration and hope. You and your partner must respect each other’s views points, strengths and weaknesses.

Love is a complex matter that is a reflection of each person’s attitude and philosophy toward life. That is the reason people shouldn’t get involved in relationships lightly. The bottom line is that, without respect, no relationship will last for very long, nor will two people be able to bring out the best in each other. When you meet that special someone, you know that you have and that’s when you start to take the relationship more serious.

A relationship needs to be worked at, and if you truly love and care for someone, you will do this with ease. And the most important thing is see what attitude your partner has towards sex because it is the serious step in a relationship that needs to be considered very carefully. It has long and hard consequences of taking that step. After which your relationship will no longer be the same.

Please don’t surrender to the view that love is the be-all and end-all, deluding yourself that as long as you are in love, nothing else matters. Nor, I hope, you will not buy into the misguided concept that falling ever deeper into a painful and destructive relationship is somehow cool. It’s not.

We mistaken people around us so often by taking them for granted. We jump to conclusions, misunderstand somebody’s intension, insult them, hurt them and relationship reaches its sour conclusion. I always feel that discovering the advantages of association and affiliation is not difficult. All it takes is the enthusiasm to look at our relationships with others from a different perspective than we are used to. When we become complacent with our colleagues, friends, partner, children, teachers, bosses, parents, siblings and neighbors we fall into a trap. Our day after day interactions with them compel us to fit them into our ideas. If we pay close attention, and respect people for who they are and not who we want them to be, each relationship will turn out to be enriching.  In fact, we don’t know most people half as well as we believe we do.  And truly knowing someone is a big deal and takes a lifetime to know how wonderful he or she is.  Every human being is amazing and beautiful in his own unique way. It just takes a patience and candid set of eyes to see it.  The more you get to know someone, the more you will be able to look beyond their exterior and see the beauty of who they truly are.

After brief experience with others around us, the biggest mistake we all commit is searching what they don’t have rather than what they posses. A familiar routine tends to make us bored easily.

Normally, we try to estimate the value of our lives by looking at the upper class of society. We compare what they posses to the (“few”) things we have. Rather than this approach (that is leading nowhere), I recommend making oneself aware of people that have less and their unique capability to make much of less.

When people break up, it’s common to regret it. People end up relationships irrationally because they think they can do better without the relationship. Sometimes it is too little too late and people learn from their unfortunate decision. What screws a person up is trying to live up to image they create in their minds. There is no such thing as perfect, only perfect for you.

What you have now was once everything you strove to attain. Just because something becomes repetitive does not mean it needs to be replaced. Think of how lucky you are to have someone you can be completely comfortable around, that is a true gift and one that should be cherished at all times.

Appreciate all the things you have in life because you never know when that time will end. Clear the clutter inside your mind and realize what you have right now. Don’t wait until you’ve lost it to finally see how much you took it for granted. Don’t wait until you realize that without it, your foundation to make it through each day begins to crumble.

Too many times people don’t realize what they have because they are out there looking for something better. The problem is that when they do realize it, they will come crawling back. Everyone falls into the trap that the grass is always greener on the other side. People make mistakes, its part of human nature. If you really love this person it may be in both people’s best interest to give him or her chance. Sometimes space makes people appreciate things they once had. You need to make it clear that you forgive one time, and one time only, and if this is what you truly want.

However on the flip side, you can only want something when you haven’t got it. If you had it back, you would only get fed up with all the bad bits again and start wondering why you wanted it back in the first place. When you lose someone, you tend to remember the good parts, when you are with them, you tend to notice the bad parts; this is of course until you find the one you were truly meant to be with, and then the bad bits just seem endearing.

The thing is, very few people can see the impact of what they do now and how it relates to their futures. Which would you rather regret: the present, where you have no idea what is happening as it’s in real time and you haven’t the slightest idea of long-term consequences; or the past where you can take your time to see things as they were? People make mistakes and leave the things they love most. They fail to appreciate the good thing they once had and as a result will continuously regret their decision.

People constantly want something more, something new, glamour, challenging and novel but sometimes the most valuable things are what have been with us at all times. Just because something isn’t happening for you right now does not mean that it never will. Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have. Just like you don’t know what you have until it’s gone, you don’t know what you’ve been missing until it arrives.