We tend to choose familiarity everywhere in life. We prefer knowledge of something through previous experience which increases our awareness; we go for things which matches our perception. We feel convenient with known people, known surrounding, known food items, known fragrance, known location etc.  It’s a sort of fixation. In social psychology, this effect is sometimes called the familiarity principle. familiarity has been defined as relational knowledge of another individual. Familiarity is a dyadic construct, based on the relationship between two individuals. Dyadic describes the interaction between two things or between two individuals.

Most often we get along with people who are like us. In psychology this is called certainty of being liked. We assume that someone who has a lot in common with us is more likely to like us. And in turn, we are more likely to like people if we think they like us. We enjoy being around such people because we can carry on enjoyable interactions with them without feeling cautious. It’s just more fun to hang out with someone when you have a lot in common. For example, one dog owner gets friendly with another dog owner easily because they have so much in common to share about their pets. Their love for dog makes them familiar with each other.  

The mere-exposure effect is a psychological phenomenon by which people tend to develop a preference for things merely because they are familiar with them. People who are familiar with each other’s indulgences, preferences and personalities can communicate more quickly. There is a connection and level of familiarity that streamlines and simplifies dialogue and decision-making. These “familiar people” collaborate and work faster and smarter because they understand how the other in a group thinks.

In marriage, when the partners cannot adjust or are unable to tolerate the time and money a partner puts into nurturing hobby, it can become a source of conflict.  

There is a large body of research which confirms that we tend to like people who are similar to us. But, the reasons why we like people who are like us can be complex; first, there is a difference between actually having a lot in common with someone which is called ‘actual similarity’ and believing that we have a lot in common which is ‘perceived similarity’. But research conducted by Condon & Crano in 1988, shows that perceived similarity has a stronger effect on attraction than actual similarity.

For example, Srinivasa Ramanujan and Godfrey Harold Hardy’s friendship bloomed as Hardy was the only one to recognize Ramanujan’s genius, Hardy brought him to Cambridge University, and was his friend and mentor for many years. The two collaborated on many mathematical problems, although the Riemann Hypothesis (a complex mathematical ratio) continued to defy even their joint efforts. It’s said that the role played by Ramanujan’s tutor Hardy in his life is very great. The Cambridge mathematician worked tirelessly with the Indian genius, to tame his creativity within the then current understanding of the field. It was only with Hardy’s care and mentoring that Ramanujan became the scholar the world knows him as today. I am giving this example to elaborate how similar interest bosoms friendship in two very different individuals. In this case it was mathematics. Both theses geniuses were very different in many ways yet the friendship among them brought out the base in the genius Ramanujan.    

When people take decisions about partnership in life based on actual similarity, often it doesn’t work especially in marriages. For example, a lady meets a new man. Gets along for few years and makes him her soulmate. It excites her like a new adventure. She feels the spark, passion and many good points in the man. She makes him her soulmate. She’s having a lot of fun, whilst learning and discovering more about this new soulmate in her life.

A few months or years go by and it seems like the spark has gone.  She starts feeling her life a little dull now.  She takes this person for granted. Because she knows the man inside out, she knows everything about him. She runs out of things to talk about, doing things together with him bores her because of too much of similarity. At this juncture, she perhaps starts ignoring some good points about him and notices more of his bad points instead. That’s the Law of Familiarity in action. The more time you spend with a person, the more you get familiar with him/her, the more you take the person for granted.

Similarity comforts us for some time, it helps taking thing little easy, it helps us relaxing, but it does not help us when we get challenged. When adversities arise in life, you need different strengths to fight. You also need new ideas, people to correct you when you are miserable.  If you hang out only with people who are like you, you can be out of touch with the big, lovely diverse world out there.

Nostalgia is defined with variation these days. It was once considered a medical condition similar to homesickness. The word derives from the Greek “nostos” (return) and “algos” (pain), suggesting suffering due to a desire to return to a place of origin. But, lately nostalgia is considered to be an independent and even positive emotion that many people experience often. We all experience nostalgia sometimes – some fragrance reminds of a near and dear’s   scent; a tune on radio reminds of some happy moment in a party; a road reminds of a beautiful travel yes, it brings back happy memories. Nostalgia is said to have many functions, but those functions have not truly been defined or explicitly stated. Several research articles have determined some of these meanings of nostalgia: improved mood, increase social connectedness, enhanced self esteem, and increased confidence. Many nostalgic manifestations serve more than one function at a time, and overall seem to benefit those who experience them. As time and research has moved on, evidence suggests that, if used in moderation, nostalgia is good psychological medicine.

Nostalgia does have its painful side as well:  it’s a bittersweet emotion but the net effect is to make life seem more meaningful and death less frightening. When people speak thoughtfully of the past, they typically become more optimistic and inspired about the future. I suppose every experience has something to teach us. You will see so many people around you who loves to tell the stories of when they scored the final touchdown in that championship games; they like to talk about how they met their life partners; how they got their jobs; how their children were naughty so on and forth. Is that person you? Still digging in the past?

This is a subject many psychologists are thinking these days. Nostalgia, compared to control conditions, increases self-esteem as well as perceptions of meaning in life. By allowing people to revisit cherished life experiences, nostalgia boosts positive self-image and promotes the feeling that life is full of meaning and purpose. Nostalgia increases perceptions of social connectedness. Nostalgia is therefore good psychological medicine.

When people grow nostalgic, they become happier. For example, in the psychology session, when people are asked to reflect on experiences, objects, or songs from the past that they are nostalgic about, positive mood increases. This makes sense because when we analyze the content of people’s nostalgic episodes we find that they are mostly positive. In fact nostalgia is more than just a mood boost though. It also increases self-esteem and perceptions of meaning in life. This explains the championship game story phenomenon. Many nostalgic experiences are connected to personal accomplishments and momentous life events. Life is not a series  of one success after another. Our daily existence can often be tedious and sometimes depressing. Using nostalgia, we can inject some meaning and excitement into life. Nostalgia involves conjuring up the experiences that stick out as worthwhile and fulfilling.

Nostalgia fosters feelings of belongingness: Nostalgia isn’t just about the self. It is also about our relationships. When people engage in nostalgia, they feel more connected to others. For example, one study finds that most nostalgic episodes are social and having people engage in nostalgia makes them feel close to and loved by others. The past experiences, objects, movies, and music we love are often anchored in social contexts and thus remind us that we are able to form and maintain relationships and that people do care about us.

So when are we most nostalgic? Based on many researches, it’s observed that people turn to nostalgia in situations that cause negative mood, solitude, and meaninglessness. Nostalgia can be directly induced by providing consumers with products they are nostalgic for (e.g., 80s-inspired clothing, music, and toys). However, it is when we are psychologically vulnerable or threatened that we naturally turn to nostalgia.

So next time you feel a little down and alone, try nostalgia. Don’t be ashamed of your nostalgic instincts. Rewind your memories of school days, first love, championship, terror movie, and little fights, everything that brings a smile on your face. You are reaping the psychological rewards of being in touch with your past.