A research suggests that parents feel closer to their children and they are lesser able to say ’no’ to their whims. The closeness comes at a cost as children have started to manipulate more influence on their parents; they are become more demanding and are spoilt. Their demand for instant gratification for anything is called pester- power. It is now days very much visible and troublesome. The idea that parents must apologize for any noise their child makes in public does not go too well with them. Some children are disrespectful or disobedient; they even pick fights with others, these traits and habits they learn from their parents. If the parents are demanding and rude, their children will be rude and demanding. Parents are solely responsible for how their children act. Sometimes kids just don’t realize it’s impolite to interrupt, pick their nose, or loudly comment on somebody’s looks.

Most parents opt for nuclear family styles; both are working and engage a nanny to raise their kids. The absence of parents in the first five years of a child’s life has its bad effects obviously. In the age of internet where children are not monitored what they are watching, is frightening. Sometimes children are left all by themselves to raise themselves. The internet becomes a companion for the child and his peers whom the parents don’t even know. It’s been observed that in some household, where one parent is earning sufficiently, the other still for the sake of his/her ambition leaves home for more money and career.

The trend today is immediately when the child is born, he or she is transferred to the Day Care Centre. In Day care Centres, you see parents bringing their children-infants as early as 6 am. They spend the next twelve hours outside the home. They pick their children at 6 pm. Then the rich parents hire nannies to take care of their children, and you see parents leaving their children even when the child is still sleeping, and coming back in the night, sometimes when the child is in bed. You find parents who only want to have children, but avoid the responsibility of raising their children. They hire nannies and abandon their children for others to rise. If a child is feeling unloved that affects how his/her development.

Under the tag of being “modern” the culture has taken away prayer and anything spiritual and moral in home or the school. Most children have no spiritual guideline and moral values. Parents don’t have time for teaching them cultural and spiritual values, therefore, the children learn bad things such as stealing, early sexual involvement, bulling, lack of respect to your elders etc easily. It’s easier to learn bad things than good things.  Organizing evil is easier than organizing good. The simplicity of evil and complexity of good become visibly rooted in human nature.

Sigmund Freud wrote his book “Civilization and Its Discontents” from exile in London where he fled to escape Hitler’s war. He has mentioned in his book about a glaring flaw that practicing natural science without moral education has its evil effects on society. Like many, Freud failed to see the need for two systems of science with one capable of studying atoms and the other capable of studying values. The asymmetric evolution of the one without the other began with the Greeks and was advanced by the Europeans of the Renaissance and Age of Reason. During this period, the best minds failed to come up with a definition of good without using examples of good; without which there can be no science of values and morals to keep up with advancing natural science and technology, and its unintended consequences.

Coming back to parenting; a child is fully enriched if its mother and father do a good job, it will never ever forget in his life what his parents taught him. And, parents cannot begin to teach when children are teenagers. When you leave your child for someone to rise for you, especially in the first five years of the child, the most crucial years of the child, the fact remains you don’t know what people are doing behind your back with your child. The caretakers smoke, flirt, talk lies, steals your belonging. One of my friends in US kept a nanny for her little baby, the nanny used to smoke heavily. The child was absorbing the whole smoke. After a little while, that child developed severe lung problems. My friend paid heavily for the treatment.

In conclusion, in an era of nanny raised kids, we will find many excuses to make ourselves feel better and shrug our responsibilities for our kids’ behaviour. We have made it the priority to get our kids into the best schools and we have forgotten to teach them good manners which are way more important than good grades. But in such a competitive world, we are only forcing them to get ahead no matter what that takes. No wonder, the moral stamina of society has taken a toll.

Contrastingly, somebody who has materially very little, might raise an excellent human being if all else falls into place. Time and again teaching values, correcting your child with his/her behavior, most importantly how you behave in difficult times will usually result in your children having the same values. Let’s not forget that our children are not tailor-made; beyond everything else, they come to us with inborn qualities that we cannot exclusively order, request, or even refuse to accept as detrimental. What best we can do is, with lots of love and attention and words of wisdom make our children understand what is right and what is wrong.

One thing those who aren’t parents fail to understand about being a parent is: the deep, touching and incredible love that changes you forever when your child is born! The tiny creature makes you a parent. You are born as mother/father and that makes it a complex, overwhelming, yet fantastic experience.

Does reading books on parenting help

Can reading some books on parenting help you become a better parent? Can you copy someone else’s (successful) strategy for bringing up your children? Do often visits to counselors help you become better parent? Nope, the idea of seeking parenting advice from others and not listening to your heart is futile. Parenting is a reality and not an imagination. Any parent will tell you that it is very different than they thought it would be. Every child throws variety of challenges at its parents; and each challenge are different. Every experience is different. Children go through distinct periods of development as they move from infants to young adults and from young adults to adults. During each of these stages multiple changes in the development of the brain and body take place.  What occurs and approximately when these developments take place are genetically determined. However, environmental circumstances and the child’s experience with key individuals within that environment have significant influence on how each child benefits from each developmental event. So, there are no hard and fast rules and regulations that one can follow.

There is no doubt that for most families, the teen years present a challenge for both parents and children. During adolescence, kids need their parents more than ever. Research shows that a positive family environment including fun and frolic, creative family activities, open parent-child communication and the encouragement to participate in positive extracurricular and community activities help teens ably to navigate these years with relative ease.

What exactly is parenting? An art or science

I think parenting is both an art as well as science. I call it an art because it depends a lot on a parent’s creative response to the each challenge. The challenge of disciplining, the challenge of bonding which fits the child’s personality, the challenge of making your children eat proper food, challenge of educating your child on sexual matter, keeping an eye on child’s friends, the right values so on and forth. I think parenting is an art because it is finding new ways of weaving values into your child’s life.

Parenting is also science because your child and you are biological entities. And the biology is ruled mostly by black and white writing. It involves psychology, sociology, anthropology, nutrition, genetics etc, etc and all these are science therefore parenting is science also.

But the art is what takes more effort. This requires a parent to trust on his/her instincts, to observe, to listen, to guide, to speak, to talk with changed tones, to act, and to learn from each experience. And, all these actions involve a lot of trial and error. Therefore, parenting is both science and art. There is no first thing or last thing. You cannot do everything correct the first time. You will commit mistakes, reflect upon them, share them with others, figure out reasons and solutions, search the Internet and do what you feel is best ……that’s about it.

Parenting is about knowing your child is always watching you

Your children are always watching you. So be honest. Don’t go out of your way to hide your shortcomings. We are not Gods, we are mortal human. We can fail, we can be wrong, we can err sometimes – the best thing to do is be honest about our shortcomings. Don’t ill-treat yourself.

It’s better to be upfront without going too much into details when it comes to correcting your child. Sometimes, when you see your own bad habits in your children start working together to get rid of those bad habits. It can be fun.

I want to make another very important point here, that is your child and you are two separate people. Your child’s habits and traits are his/her alone. Your child’s success, failure, temperament, illness, way of walking, manners are going to be far different than your imagination. Don’t get too attached to what other say or comment on your child. Accept your child wholeheartedly.

And last but not the least; don’t lose your sense of humor. Learn to laugh at those silly mistakes made by you, your spouse and your child. You need not always be serious about life. One of the best parts of being a parent is spending time playing with your kids and seeing them grow.  It’s a great opportunity to feel like a child, a teenager, an adult again and that is precious. Spending time with your kids enjoying their company through their each millstone is precious. Be your child’s best friend. Pass on the legacy to children of appreciating goodness in others and a love for the basics in life. Children are incredibly wise and tend to see the world more simply than we do. Sometimes they think far better than we do; perhaps it’s time we start taking their advice.