Shakespeare has written that “love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind”, but in this Internet age where we boast of having friends and fans in thousands we look only with eyes, where is the mind? We get connected and disconnected with “friends” in a second because everything is in absentia. We spend hours to take the best selfie picture for posting it on Facebook and Instagram, playing with best words for articulating the wonderful Facebook status, and coming up with the perfect Tweets. Whether true or not, our online personas are most articulated because that is how we want people to see us. I wonder how people can forget their “real self.” How many online people that we meet in real life are true to the way they have projected themselves?

It is not possible to live up to the image one portrays on social media. Falling in love which is the most wonderful experience in life has become rare. Gone are the days of giving and receiving roses, saying hi over a cup of tea, dating, sending love letters, and the other meaningful gestures; instead they are replaced with cut copy paste message available on Internet, a like, a poke, and ‘pop up’ online. This has affected relationships between two keen lovers too much. The anxiety to describe how much you are in love and the anxiety to plaster a virtual relationship in perfection puts too much pressure on the budding relationship.

The most common trend amongst today’s generation is need for instant gratification. They grew up and continue to thrive in a culture that allows instant access to just about anything and everything – including a partner.  If they want food, they have it delivered with the click of a few buttons or walking a block or two and grab dinner. If they are bored, they have endless distractions in the form of phone apps. If they need directions or a question answered, it only takes  a couple of seconds. This easily available convenience has spoiled the youngsters to no end. We never experienced anything even remotely close to it. Therefore to a great extent, you still find modest genuineness in our generation; whereas, instant gratification in anything and everything has become an addiction for the millennial.

Of all the things, love is not meant to be experienced in one or few instances, but in a lifetime. Instead of really discovering the quality, culture, likes and dislikes of a person, the edgy lovers begin conversation with booze, often even with drugs. Drugs and alcohol often end up high and dry because they are love’s biggest enemies. These substances give us the illusion of an alternate reality, a reality in which our emotions are heightened, and the love we experience becomes exponentially intense. In the first or second meeting, individuals immediately go for sex. And, these days most individuals have multiple partners, but sleeping around with different individuals leaves one feeling extremely empty.

The experience of going to bed with different partners starts out feeling exciting and gratifying, but ends up making one feel lonelier. The feeling of being loved, the feeling of being understood and finding someone genuine becomes more difficult. This happens because you are wasting your time with people who mean nothing to you and, to top it all, multiple partners make sex a sporting activity. Unfortunately, the feeling of love becomes elusive. Till one is under influence of booze, he/she feels loved but later it all fades away.

Today’s generation is more egocentric; they are I, me and I. They say ‘my need first’ whether this is good or bad doesn’t really matter. The problem arises when the egocentricity overtakes one’s ability to feel empathetic. As human beings, we are left with no choice but to live and function within society. When we focus on only ourselves, our needs, our wants and desires, the needs of the others in our life and out circle get overlooked. When this happens in a relationship, it all begins to fall apart. So people today have short-lived relationships.

Relationships cannot be pushed. True love is a very beautiful feeling which you don’t feel like boasting, it blooms in heart, and it’s a sweet relationship that you share with your partner and is inclusive of just the two of you. True love does not grow only with passion;   these relationships take time to develop.

When we become busy updating our story feeds and check-ins online; when we rush in and out of relationships just for the sake of it, as though it is mandatory to have someone to show off to the world, true love runs far away from us. We date because we believe we’re supposed to date. We’re supposed to find someone to fall in love with and spend our lives with, and we are under the impression that the best way to go about it is to date as often as possible. Precious things are always rare, that is the reason love is rare.

Changing multiple partners has become a fashion. It’s like buying and throwing clothes, shoes, purse, wallets or gadgets. While many married couples see a different side to their spouses every day and then wonder how did I not notice that before? One reason for the live in relationships is testing your partner’s compatibility. What once upon a time parents did of matching horoscopes as a compatibility test is obsolete. Today, cast-creed, religion, age, education, profession – these and many other age-old parameters has taken a back seat.

Cinema has always been considered the barometer of portraying society’s changing outlook; so if cinema today shows live-in relations (Shuddh Desi Romance) clicking among small town couples, I think the idea of romance itself is changing very fast. Live-in relationships and pre-marital sex have emerged as the lifestyles choice for people across smaller and bigger towns and cities. The so-called Indian culture and tradition have gone for a toss.

The reasons are numerous for this transformation: from knowing your partner’s view on important topics such as religion, sex, money, politics etc, knowing some annoying habits, his/her attachment to parents and siblings, who his/her friends are some. Can everything be examined and tested in life? If yes, would any charm remain in life? Previously, young couples would spend initial years of their marriage in knowing their partner. But, due to fast pace of life such short-term associations are thriving. A major factor that drives people to live-in is parents’ objection to inter-caste/community marriages, and a growing disinclination to sacrifice personal agendas.

In India, a bench headed by Justice K.S Radhakrishnan said the domain of the Protection of Women from Domestic Violence Act, 2005 – which for the first time recognized a man-woman relationship outside wedlock – did not cover live-in relationships in general. However, it added: “Live-in or marriage-like relationship is neither a crime nor a sin though socially unacceptable in this country.”

Elaborating on what should be taken into consideration to decide if a live-in relationship fell within the expression “in the nature of marriage” so as to be covered under the law, the bench listed eight parameters – duration of relationship, shared household, pooling of resources and financial arrangements, domestic arrangements, sexual relationship, children, socialization in public and intention and conduct of the parties about their relationship.

It recommended that Parliament consider a proper law to address the problems faced by a large number of women in live-in relationships that are not in the nature of marriage and, hence, not covered under the act. The Supreme Court has said that if a man and woman “lived like husband and wife” for a long period and had children; the judiciary would presume that the two were married.

In a live-in relationship if you aren’t satisfied with your partner or you get bored of seeing the same face every morning, then you can pack your bags and move out without any legal measures or hassles. Whilst in a marriage, the legal proceedings are time consuming, money consuming and frustrating. Some amount of disturbance, annoyance, emotional drain is accepted. Most of the youth these days are unwilling to commit themselves. Everyone wants their space, they don’t like to be followed, and nobody wants any obligation attached. It’s live life like a free bird.

Married Partners have lot of hassles after their marriage is dissolved; payment of debts, dividing family assets, lawyer’s fees, attending the court, if children are there – their responsibilities and many more problems need to be sorted out. If a live in couple realize they are not compatible with each they can easily break up without any restraints. It’s all reciprocal and mutual in live-in relations.

A live in relationship does not bother about social norms; this, because at present it falls outside the norms of societal structure. But, sooner or later, there might come a time that this relationship will need some law adherence. The partner’s parents, friends, relatives etc have no place in a live-in relationship. Today’s “modern” youth today have no problems on this account and are a lot more open minded. Family get-togethers and functions are not important to them. They don’t crib if the partner’s family likes or dislikes them.

All sorts of freedom is given and taken in this relation. And, this is the main benefit. Couples don’t have to give up any rights nor accept any duties or responsibilities. Financial restriction is avoided at all costs. Both parties involved, avoid sharing their financial earnings and avoid entering into joint financial ventures.

On the other hand, a long matrimony does not necessarily be a happy or satisfying one. But, when couples stay together for numerous reasons – economics, the sake of the family unity or duty, convenience, or religious beliefs so on and forth; there are some advantages. Since you grow with your partner for many years of your life, he/she is familiar with your likes, dislikes, your health issues, your strengths and weaknesses. The number of problems faced by both allows each other to discover and redefine their relationship. For some, this manifests in more unrestricted division of household chores; for others it represents new joint interests or activities. And, when both grow older, their happiness and sadness levels grow or decline in sync. A new study suggests giving marriage a trial. The findings suggest a possible resource that hasn’t been tapped for promoting healthy aging. Similar to a pill or other treatment, cheerful spouses may boost a partner’s feelings of well-being. Marriage certainly eliminates loneliness from your life. It is very tough to live singly in the later part of life.

What would the future society be like; single parents or not known parents, no extended family, no social attachments, no acquaintances, and a scattered life; nobody to turn to, no body to rely on.  It sounds creepy isn’t it?