In recent times, much attention has been devoted to the belief that keeping a dog, a cat, a parrot can benefit the owner’s health in multiple ways. It reduces  the risk of heart disease, reducing loneliness, dementia and depression. About half of the households in Britain alone include some kind of pet; roughly 10m of those are dogs while cats make up another 10m. Pets cost time and money and nowadays bring little in the way of material benefits. But during the 2008 financial crisis, spending on pets remained almost unaffected, which suggests that for most owners’ pets are not a luxury but an integral and deeply loved part of the family.

Recent research supports the idea that animals are conscious beings. And some of them such as dogs, dolphins, monkeys, and elephants can experience a range of emotions typically associated with humans, such as fear, compassion, happiness, respect, or joy, and display empathy towards humans and other animals. They can also sense the differences in behaviour both physically and psychologically due to an illness. It’s been known that both dogs and cats have saved many lives by recognizing and identifying the scent of human illness through the scent of chemical changes.

Sharing your life with a loyal companion animal brings a lot of joy. Their love is unconditional, and they do more than just keep you company. So, what are the benefits of the human-animal bond? Empathy is the ability to understand the feelings and emotions of others and be compassionate toward them. Humans have empathy toward other humans and animals. And animals are more empathetic and loving towards humans. They are selfless and affectionate than humans. 

In comparison among animals, dogs are known to be protective and attentive to their owners, and this can include guarding them when they are unwell, often seen as a natural extension of their mentality and desire to protect vulnerable members. I was unwell for six months and had to take rest the whole day. My pet, Momo used to not even get up, he  used to sit near my bed. Through his eyes and expressions, he used to assure me that I would get well soon, if I would get up to use the washroom, he would follow me and sit outside the washroom. He was a huge German shepherd. After a while he used to sleep at my feet, rubbing my feet with his face, which used to give me a sense of warmth, and a sense of security.  I have experienced that German Shepherds are generally friendly and loving with their families, but their protective nature can make them reserved or watchful of strangers. He used to communicate with me through a combination of barks, body language, and facial expressions, especially his eyes, to convey his emotions. 

Research has shown that dogs can read the emotional state of their owners and respond to it in the same way as a human would. That means that your dog really cares when you are unhappy and wants to help, providing sympathy and comfort. Dogs are known to be highly adjusted to their owners’ health and can sense changes in their well-being, including illness, through subtle cues like changes in scent and behaviour. 

Some people aren’t pet friendly. Why is this the case? It is highly probable that our desire for the company of animals goes back tens of thousands of years and has played an important part in our evolution. If so, then genetics might help explain why a love of animals is something some people just don’t get. No matter your mood, you must care for your pet. Pets motivate us to be active. Taking your dog for a walk or a run helps you increase physical activity and meet your daily exercise requirements.

Psychologists explain that our attitude towards animals is influenced by many possible contributing factors, such as socio-cultural norms, religious beliefs, personality traits, and early life experiences. Researchers also suggest that compassion for animals may be linked to genetic differences. A study revealed that people who love animals have a specific version of the gene that produces the love hormone oxytocin, which is important for empathy between humans and boosts social bonding. So, oxytocin helps people bond with animals too, and animal lovers are friendlier people and have more empathy. Pet-lovers teat their pets as their child. Pets are entirely dependent on people, so they trigger the same protective instincts as our own kids do. We love animals and want to protect them because we view them as innocent creatures that cannot help themselves when they are in trouble.

We love our pets deeply, and we really want them to be happy. Our love for pets is revolutionary because it represents our closest ties to another species. We do not care about things regarding the species that they belong to. At times we prioritize pets over people. Many people talk to their pets, and it’s natural. And in addition to being a conversational partner, pets can help you maintain your emotional stability. They fulfil the basic human need for touch and provide emotional comfort by reducing the effects of the things that stress you. I conclude my passage by stating that my German Shepard friend, Momo taught me to be mindful, he taught to live in the moment. I miss him every day and I honour his memory.  

I am writing this post for Valentine’s Day which is an annual festival to celebrate romantic love, friendship and admiration. Every year on 14 February people celebrate this day by sending messages of love and affection to partners, family and friends. Every person may have individual experiences of unconditional love and attachment. It can be wrong to pressure yourself to find true love; if you have yet to experience a genuine connection with another person or feel a sense of comfort with them. The song koi sone ke dilwala, koi chandi ke dilwala implies that love is fragile, it isn’t strong.

कोई सोने के दिलवाला कोई चांदी के दिलवाला,
शीशे का है मतवाले तेरा दिल,
महफ़िल ये नहीं तेरी दीवाने कहीं चल.

There’s someone who’s heart of gold, some other’s heart is of silver, my heart is of glass (fragile). This song is shot in a party. The hero of the song says this party does not belong to him he consoles himself by saying dear crazy mind let’s move on. Lyricist Majhrooh Sultanpuri wrote this song for film Maya (1961) sung by the great Mohamed Rafisab, composed by Salil Chowdhary and filmed on Dev Anand. This is one of the superhit songs and remains timeless. This song will never die. Generations will listen to it. Long live Mohd. Rafi Sab.

Sone ke dilwala means someone who is exceptionally kind, generous, and compassionate, someone who is loyal with a willingness to help others without expecting anything in return.  And, silver hearts represent a romantic heart, someone who is deeply in love with something, or a person. A heart of glass means someone who is easily hurt or emotionally fragile, like glass which can break easily, suggesting that their feelings can be shattered quickly by a minor setback, one who gets disappointed; it describes a person who is highly sensitive and prone to emotional pain. 

While many would ideally choose “heart” over “money,” in reality, when faced with a difficult decision between following one’s passion (love) or pursuing financial stability, people often tend to prioritize money due to the practical need for security and necessities, even if it means sacrificing the love of his/her life.

The word love has depth.  We don’t love easily. Love is not a universal experience; some   people might feel an immediate attraction as falling in love quickly, for others, developing deep love takes time and getting to know someone well. This means there’s no single answer to whether someone “gets love easily” as it varies greatly from person to person depending on factors like inner personality, character, outer personality, intelligence, earnings, attachment styles, and life experiences. 

Every person who falls in love experiences variety of pains and pleasures of love. Each person has his/her own character and personality; they have different backgrounds and conditions. So, there is no set of rules that applies equally to everyone. Also, whom a person dates also is a matter of personal choice. No one has any right to intrude in anybody’s private affair. The youngsters say, not even their parents have any rights.  But our heart and gut do give us signals about the right or the wrong person. Do we hear to the signals?

Because people often lose all objectivity when they fall in love, it is said ‘Love is blind’.  The song koi sone ke dilwala, koi chandi ke dilawala’s last stanza says that this party isn’t really my vibe, I think it’s time to head out because I am not enjoying it any longer. I should get out of here.  This means the hero feels like he doesn’t belong to that gathering, and it would be better to leave and seek out a different social environment that aligns more with his interests or personality.

How a person experiences pain is unique to each one. Attraction and affection don’t stay the same, and love can feel different for each person. Love too has a lifecycle – introduction, development, growth, maturity and in some cases decline. A person may experience and express love differently from another person. Some people have intense feelings that they are unafraid to express, while others take time to open or prefer to show love in subtler ways.

Also, people demonstrate their love for others in various ways. Whether through acts of service, physical touch, quality time, words of affirmation, gift-giving, acts of kindness, sacrifice, or support, the key is to find the expression that resonates most with your loved ones. Essentially, “everyone’s pain is different”, “everyone’s experience of love is different”. Listen to this beautiful song.  Happy Valentines Day!

Social scientists have shown in many studies for past few decades that caring touch can have good effects in several different mental and physical problems. Consider this case: a doctor hugged his patient who survived a complicated surgery of six hours; when the patient regained his consciousness after surgery, the doctor felt so happy, he gave the patient a gentle hug.   

A hug is a universal and widely accepted ways to show our affection and love. It communicates many emotions that words fail to express. There are different types of hugs that express different emotions. When you feel low, angry, distressed, or sad, a quick squeeze or hug is all you need to lift your mood.

Hugging helps lower our stress throughout the day. Hugging a person is one of the most natural and emotional physical touches one can have with others. It gives us a sense of security and makes us feel loved and cared for. There are many different types of hugs one can coddle in; few are romantic while others are just friendly, they are emotional and supportive. For example, a side hug is friendly; hugging from behind portrays intimacy; in a friendly hug two people engage in arm-hug; hugging around the waist is romantic; a bear hug is for warmth; one-sided hug shows caring.  And there are many unseen benefits of hugging; the biggest is boosting of dopamine hormone which is ‘feel good’ hormone and in case of loving hug, oxytocin hormone boosts feeling of love.

Research shows that hugs can be healthy. Hugs cause a decrease in the release of cortisol, a stress hormone, and another research indicates that hugs decrease our blood pressure and heart rate in stressful situations. The stress-reducing effects of hugging keeps us healthier. In a study of over 400 adults, researchers found that hugging reduces the percentage of falling sick. From childhood to old age people who are hugged by near and dear ones stay healthy.

According to one study, it takes merely 7 seconds of a hug for our brain to signal the release of oxytocin hormone that is associated with, amongst other things, increased levels of trust, calmness, and creativity. Hugging often creates a feeling of calmness and relaxation. That’s because of oxytocin which is sometimes called the “cuddle hormone.” Oxytocin is released when people or pets snuggle up or bond socially. This release can have a domino effect throughout the body and has been found to reduce inflammation, improve wound healing, it lessens cravings for drugs, alcohol, and sweets and lowers heart rate and stress. Domino effect is a situation in which one event causes a series of related events, one following another.

Getting a firm, reassuring hug before or during a stressful event, such as waiting to receive the results of a medical test, waiting for an examination result, waiting to receive a near and dear one at station, can help you stay calm because your oxytocin levels remain elevated.  A hug a day may, in fact, keep the doctor away.

They make us happier. An assuring hug is much better than gulping anti-depressants. Hugging triggers the release of serotonin in the brain to create happiness and ease sadness.  They Help deepen our relationships. As human, we automatically want to hug those we know are in pain. In many ways, hugs are a form of meditation. They allow us to be present in the moment, to let go and flow with the energy of the embrace. It’s easy to forget how meaningful a hug can be, but it can truly deepen your connection with another person. Hugs convey, in a nonverbal way, an understanding of each other.

Humans and dogs have been together since primitive times, and both have a primal need for physical touch. All monkeys, from chimpanzees to Japanese macaques (snow monkeys) to humans, are hard-wired to console others and transmit affection by hugging. Even a reptile, a hen, and a fish look enjoy some human affection. Bears, koalas, deer, elephant, and even birds such as parrots, crows, pigeons, sparrows, peacocks love human touch. Indian scientist Jagadish Chandra Bose showed that plants can experience sensations and feel pleasure and pain. Like birds and animals, plants also respond to human touch.  

Don’t underestimate the healing power of a hug. Just as we exercise to stay in shape and diet to stay healthy, we should make the effort to stay connected to the people. We can never get enough hugs. They are priceless gifts of unconditional love because a hug communicates a thousand words.

Franz Kafka was a German-speaking Bohemian (unconventional lifestyle) novelist and short-story writer based in Prague, who is widely regarded as one of the major figures of 20th-century literature for his realistic writing.

One Kafka’s short and sweet story is doing rounds on whatsapp and Facebook these days; the story portrays some profound facets of life. It’s a real story revolving around a very young girl and Franz Kafka. It reflects about relationships to the world and each other. never married and had no children, he was 40, walking through the park in Berlin when he met a girl who was crying because she had lost her most loved and dear doll. Kafka helped her search her doll, but the effort was futile. Kafka told her to meet him in the same place the next day and they would come back to search out the doll.

The next day they met, but they didn’t find the doll. The girl was sad, and she kept on crying. This is when Kafka gave the girl a letter to her saying that the doll had written the letter for the girl. The letter said “please don’t cry. I have taken took a trip to see the world. I promise you to write to you about my adventures.”

This is how a story began which continued until the end of Kafka’s life.
During their meetings, Kafka read the letters of the doll which were written by Kafka very interestingly, full of adventures and conversations of the doll with the variety of people, their personality characters. The girl found the letters adorable. Finally, Kafka brought back the doll (he bought one) that had returned to Berlin.

“It doesn’t look like my doll at all,” said the girl. Kafka handed her another letter in which the doll wrote: “my travels have changed me.” the little girl hugged the new doll and took her home happily. A year later Kafka died.

Many years later, when the girl grew adult, she found a letter inside the doll. In the tiny letter signed by Kafka it was written: “Everything you love will probably be lost, but in the end, love will return in another way.”

The story describes how Kafka calmed the girl by bringing letters supposedly written by the doll, describing her exciting adventures around the world. Eventually, the story goes, Kafka brought her a different doll, passing it off as the original one. Kafka dies.

About Kafka’s work

Kafka has written few other novels and they are famous even today. Writing was an important part of Kafka’s life. For him writing was a ‘form of prayer’, and nothing would stand in the way of his worship. His personality is described as (INFP) Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Prospecting personality traits. These rare personality types tend to be quiet, open-minded, and imaginative, and they apply a caring and creative approach to everything they do. Kafka experimented with his writing; he wrote funny, eerie, emotional novels.  People found him mentally unsteady and physically ugly. However, many of those who met him invariably found him to possess obvious intelligence and a sense of humour; they also found him handsome because of his intellectual work, although often found in shabby appearance. 

Kafka joined an insurance company where he didn’t enjoy his job. The long hours left him little time to write, and so he resigned from his position after only a year. Instead, Kafka found employment at the state insurance institute, where he finished work at 2 pm, giving him the whole afternoon to focus on writing. It may also have given him some inspiration for some of his more eerie and wicked narratives: his role was to investigate injuries suffered by industrial workers, who met with accidents in factories they worked, many had lost fingers, fractured limbs, and had bruised faces.

Conclusion

What I liked in the lost doll story is that Kafka says change can be happy and exciting as well as chaotic and complicated. But change cannot be avoided. Life is all about transformation – change is constant. Nothing stays forever with us. From birth till death man goes on changing in body, experience, learning, unlearning and in behaviour.  We all experience happiness, grief, love and success or failure. Our life makes us learn and unlearn. But genuine love remains deep in our heart.

Love is a most beautiful feeling which always keeps changing. It grows with experiences and time. It changes in its form. Although many times we feel love is sceptical, everything we love eventually fades away. And it’s impossible to go back in time, therefore, we cannot experience the love we once had; we cannot have a straightforward connection with the feeling of love as time passes. Life is all about adapting to change, finding happiness, and experiencing love in different forms such as friendship, in children, in neighbourhood, romance, in hobbies, in creativity, in job, in life partner or any other form.  

Shakespeare has written that “love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind”, but in this Internet age where we boast of having friends and fans in thousands we look only with eyes, where is the mind? We get connected and disconnected with “friends” in a second because everything is in absentia. We spend hours to take the best selfie picture for posting it on Facebook and Instagram, playing with best words for articulating the wonderful Facebook status, and coming up with the perfect Tweets. Whether true or not, our online personas are most articulated because that is how we want people to see us. I wonder how people can forget their “real self.” How many online people that we meet in real life are true to the way they have projected themselves?

It is not possible to live up to the image one portrays on social media. Falling in love which is the most wonderful experience in life has become rare. Gone are the days of giving and receiving roses, saying hi over a cup of tea, dating, sending love letters, and the other meaningful gestures; instead they are replaced with cut copy paste message available on Internet, a like, a poke, and ‘pop up’ online. This has affected relationships between two keen lovers too much. The anxiety to describe how much you are in love and the anxiety to plaster a virtual relationship in perfection puts too much pressure on the budding relationship.

The most common trend amongst today’s generation is need for instant gratification. They grew up and continue to thrive in a culture that allows instant access to just about anything and everything – including a partner.  If they want food, they have it delivered with the click of a few buttons or walking a block or two and grab dinner. If they are bored, they have endless distractions in the form of phone apps. If they need directions or a question answered, it only takes  a couple of seconds. This easily available convenience has spoiled the youngsters to no end. We never experienced anything even remotely close to it. Therefore to a great extent, you still find modest genuineness in our generation; whereas, instant gratification in anything and everything has become an addiction for the millennial.

Of all the things, love is not meant to be experienced in one or few instances, but in a lifetime. Instead of really discovering the quality, culture, likes and dislikes of a person, the edgy lovers begin conversation with booze, often even with drugs. Drugs and alcohol often end up high and dry because they are love’s biggest enemies. These substances give us the illusion of an alternate reality, a reality in which our emotions are heightened, and the love we experience becomes exponentially intense. In the first or second meeting, individuals immediately go for sex. And, these days most individuals have multiple partners, but sleeping around with different individuals leaves one feeling extremely empty.

The experience of going to bed with different partners starts out feeling exciting and gratifying, but ends up making one feel lonelier. The feeling of being loved, the feeling of being understood and finding someone genuine becomes more difficult. This happens because you are wasting your time with people who mean nothing to you and, to top it all, multiple partners make sex a sporting activity. Unfortunately, the feeling of love becomes elusive. Till one is under influence of booze, he/she feels loved but later it all fades away.

Today’s generation is more egocentric; they are I, me and I. They say ‘my need first’ whether this is good or bad doesn’t really matter. The problem arises when the egocentricity overtakes one’s ability to feel empathetic. As human beings, we are left with no choice but to live and function within society. When we focus on only ourselves, our needs, our wants and desires, the needs of the others in our life and out circle get overlooked. When this happens in a relationship, it all begins to fall apart. So people today have short-lived relationships.

Relationships cannot be pushed. True love is a very beautiful feeling which you don’t feel like boasting, it blooms in heart, and it’s a sweet relationship that you share with your partner and is inclusive of just the two of you. True love does not grow only with passion;   these relationships take time to develop.

When we become busy updating our story feeds and check-ins online; when we rush in and out of relationships just for the sake of it, as though it is mandatory to have someone to show off to the world, true love runs far away from us. We date because we believe we’re supposed to date. We’re supposed to find someone to fall in love with and spend our lives with, and we are under the impression that the best way to go about it is to date as often as possible. Precious things are always rare, that is the reason love is rare.

Infatuation happens quite often in our life, which springs from a false set of beliefs one may ascribe to the object of one’s infatuation. It is a part and parcel of our life. It’s a feeling of foolish or obsessively strong adoration felt for somebody, it’s an unexplained admiration for somebody, suddenly growing interest in somebody for some reason. We like someone for good voice, the way a person walks, a particular teacher for teaching style or the way the teacher dresses, a neighbour for her smile…we get infatuated for something strong yet reasonless. The attachment stays on for a while or sometimes even for a longer time. It is unexplained but reality that infatuation can be often confused with love. However, infatuation is characteristically short-lived while love stands the test of time.

It can surely be confusing, especially in the beginning. But the earlier we realise the symptoms of infatuation it is better, because It saves us from some shocks and emotional ordeals. Most children and teens experience infatuation and mistake it for love. One of the major concerns of parents of school going children is the difficulty to handle their children’s infatuations which only creates distractions in achieving academic goals.

I give here the example of a 1965 Hindi movie ‘Teen Deviyan’ in which Dev Anand romances three heroines. The movie was ahead of its times. Three attractive women throw themselves at Dev Anand while he gently keeps stepping aside. The women want him but they were also willing to move on if it doesn’t work. In this movie the difference between infatuation and love is beautifully shown. Dev struggles to finalize whom to marry out of the three pretty and Sauvé ladies. He takes help of a hypnotist who helps him imagine his future married life with all three ladies; he sees his marriage with 2 ladies disastrous. Then he imagines the simplest of the three heroines out of his life, giving him freedom to do as he wants, making him realise that he doesn’t want to lose her. During the session with hypnotist Dev realises that two of the three heroines are infatuated and attracted to him, so is he with them. But, one of them is his true love. 

Another movie ‘Dear Zindagi’ made in 2016, shows the protagonist young Alia Bhat getting infatuated with much elder psychologist Dr Jahangir played by Shahrukh Khan.  Alia Bhatt a young aspiring director, looking for a way to breathe in life, she has complicated relations with her parents also. She feels that she is falling in love with the psychologist though she takes counselling sessions from him. The director of this movie explores the fact that age gap does not matter. The director has portrayed infatuation of a young girl towards her much elder therapist in an aesthetic manner.

There are a few symptoms of infatuation that differentiate it from love. Infatuation consists of an immediate, intense physical attraction to someone. A person who is infatuated finds it hard to think of anything but the other person. Brief encounters are played over and over in one’s head; it may be difficult to eat and there may be a rather constant state of excitement. Infatuation is rather short-lived, however, lasting perhaps only a matter of months or as long as a year or so. It tends to be based on chemical attraction and an image of what one thinks the other is all about.

True love is showing the person you love, who really you are; including the weaknesses or grey shades of personality that you fear are not favourable. Honesty with oneself and others brings truth. True love entails being comfortable and completely yourself with another human being and being accepted for who you are without judgment. It is also important to remember, that love is a two-way feeling. Not only do you need to feel loved and accepted completely for whom you are, but in order to foster true love in your relationship, you need to provide that same love without judgment to your partner.

I want give a beautiful movie example of true love. The movie is Forrest Gump. There’s no simpler, truer love than what Forrest feels for Jenny in the movie. Forrest is earnest, devoted, and brazenly honest in his feelings for his childhood best friend. It’s love that forms his character which includes the love between parent and child, between brothers-in-arms, and between him and Jenny. Even though Forrest is, from a young age, deemed to have a below average IQ, it’s his strength of feeling and sense of duty that the people he encounters in life remember about him.  

There is one more feeling between infatuation and love that is attraction. Attraction is generally romantic attraction. It is sexual or physical. Occasionally it is also emotional, and intellectual. Attraction has a hidden motive unlike love. And, once that motive or desire is fulfilled, you lose interest in that person. In attraction, the desire may be out of a need to have physical intimacy. You may also be attracted to someone’s intellect. However, love is unconditional and is not followed by any personal need.

Infatuation is a normal part of the early stages of getting to know someone or of a new relationship. It feels very intense, which is why many people confuse infatuation and attraction with love.

If you look around you will see that some people are serious about their relationship, they are ready to commit, they are ready to compromise on many things and you also see that some people are frivolous and take their relations lightly. For many, it is like changing gadgets or clothes. I mean, I see the younger people jumping from one relation into other aimlessly. I wonder what they want from relationship; love, passion, stability, serenity, friendship, commitment, or what? They are so confused, they want too many things or they just want to kill time with somebody. Many people are not ready for a serious relationship, and are just after a bit of fun here and there. You see this in so many movies.

Every person who falls in love experiences variety of agonies and pleasures of love. Each person has his/her own character and personality; they have different backgrounds and conditions. So there is no set of rule that applies equally to everyone. Also, whom a person dates is also a matter of personal choice. No one has any right to intrude in anybody’s private affair. Yes the youngsters say, not even their parents.  But, our heart and gut do give us signals about the right or the wrong person. Do we hear to them?

I think if your love does not allow losing sight of pursuing your own personal development, if your love is helping you to expand your life and bring forth your inherent potential with fresh and dynamic vitality then you have found an ideal partner.

People often lose all objectivity when they fall in love. If the relationship you’re in is causing your parents, your well wishers to worry, or making you ignore your studies or engage in negative behavior, then you and the person you’re seeing are only being a negative influence and impediment to each other. Neither of you will be happy if you both just end up hurting each other. If you are neglecting the things you should be doing, forgetting your purpose in life because of the relationship you’re in, then you are not in the right company. A healthy relationship is one in which two people encourage each other to reach their respective goals while sharing each other’s hopes and dreams. A relationship should be a source of inspiration, invigoration and hope. You and your partner must respect each other’s views points, strengths and weaknesses.

Love is a complex matter that is a reflection of each person’s attitude and philosophy toward life. That is the reason people shouldn’t get involved in relationships lightly. The bottom line is that, without respect, no relationship will last for very long, nor will two people be able to bring out the best in each other. When you meet that special someone, you know that you have and that’s when you start to take the relationship more serious.

A relationship needs to be worked at, and if you truly love and care for someone, you will do this with ease. And the most important thing is see what attitude your partner has towards sex because it is the serious step in a relationship that needs to be considered very carefully. It has long and hard consequences of taking that step. After which your relationship will no longer be the same.

Please don’t surrender to the view that love is the be-all and end-all, deluding yourself that as long as you are in love, nothing else matters. Nor, I hope, you will not buy into the misguided concept that falling ever deeper into a painful and destructive relationship is somehow cool. It’s not.