Infatuation happens quite often in our life, which springs from a false set of beliefs one may ascribe to the object of one’s infatuation. It is a part and parcel of our life. It’s a feeling of foolish or obsessively strong adoration felt for somebody, it’s an unexplained admiration for somebody, suddenly growing interest in somebody for some reason. We like someone for good voice, the way a person walks, a particular teacher for teaching style or the way the teacher dresses, a neighbour for her smile…we get infatuated for something strong yet reasonless. The attachment stays on for a while or sometimes even for a longer time. It is unexplained but reality that infatuation can be often confused with love. However, infatuation is characteristically short-lived while love stands the test of time.

It can surely be confusing, especially in the beginning. But the earlier we realise the symptoms of infatuation it is better, because It saves us from some shocks and emotional ordeals. Most children and teens experience infatuation and mistake it for love. One of the major concerns of parents of school going children is the difficulty to handle their children’s infatuations which only creates distractions in achieving academic goals.

I give here the example of a 1965 Hindi movie ‘Teen Deviyan’ in which Dev Anand romances three heroines. The movie was ahead of its times. Three attractive women throw themselves at Dev Anand while he gently keeps stepping aside. The women want him but they were also willing to move on if it doesn’t work. In this movie the difference between infatuation and love is beautifully shown. Dev struggles to finalize whom to marry out of the three pretty and Sauvé ladies. He takes help of a hypnotist who helps him imagine his future married life with all three ladies; he sees his marriage with 2 ladies disastrous. Then he imagines the simplest of the three heroines out of his life, giving him freedom to do as he wants, making him realise that he doesn’t want to lose her. During the session with hypnotist Dev realises that two of the three heroines are infatuated and attracted to him, so is he with them. But, one of them is his true love. 

Another movie ‘Dear Zindagi’ made in 2016, shows the protagonist young Alia Bhat getting infatuated with much elder psychologist Dr Jahangir played by Shahrukh Khan.  Alia Bhatt a young aspiring director, looking for a way to breathe in life, she has complicated relations with her parents also. She feels that she is falling in love with the psychologist though she takes counselling sessions from him. The director of this movie explores the fact that age gap does not matter. The director has portrayed infatuation of a young girl towards her much elder therapist in an aesthetic manner.

There are a few symptoms of infatuation that differentiate it from love. Infatuation consists of an immediate, intense physical attraction to someone. A person who is infatuated finds it hard to think of anything but the other person. Brief encounters are played over and over in one’s head; it may be difficult to eat and there may be a rather constant state of excitement. Infatuation is rather short-lived, however, lasting perhaps only a matter of months or as long as a year or so. It tends to be based on chemical attraction and an image of what one thinks the other is all about.

True love is showing the person you love, who really you are; including the weaknesses or grey shades of personality that you fear are not favourable. Honesty with oneself and others brings truth. True love entails being comfortable and completely yourself with another human being and being accepted for who you are without judgment. It is also important to remember, that love is a two-way feeling. Not only do you need to feel loved and accepted completely for whom you are, but in order to foster true love in your relationship, you need to provide that same love without judgment to your partner.

I want give a beautiful movie example of true love. The movie is Forrest Gump. There’s no simpler, truer love than what Forrest feels for Jenny in the movie. Forrest is earnest, devoted, and brazenly honest in his feelings for his childhood best friend. It’s love that forms his character which includes the love between parent and child, between brothers-in-arms, and between him and Jenny. Even though Forrest is, from a young age, deemed to have a below average IQ, it’s his strength of feeling and sense of duty that the people he encounters in life remember about him.  

There is one more feeling between infatuation and love that is attraction. Attraction is generally romantic attraction. It is sexual or physical. Occasionally it is also emotional, and intellectual. Attraction has a hidden motive unlike love. And, once that motive or desire is fulfilled, you lose interest in that person. In attraction, the desire may be out of a need to have physical intimacy. You may also be attracted to someone’s intellect. However, love is unconditional and is not followed by any personal need.

Infatuation is a normal part of the early stages of getting to know someone or of a new relationship. It feels very intense, which is why many people confuse infatuation and attraction with love.

If you look around you will see that some people are serious about their relationship, they are ready to commit, they are ready to compromise on many things and you also see that some people are frivolous and take their relations lightly. For many, it is like changing gadgets or clothes. I mean, I see the younger people jumping from one relation into other aimlessly. I wonder what they want from relationship; love, passion, stability, serenity, friendship, commitment, or what? They are so confused, they want too many things or they just want to kill time with somebody. Many people are not ready for a serious relationship, and are just after a bit of fun here and there. You see this in so many movies.

Every person who falls in love experiences variety of agonies and pleasures of love. Each person has his/her own character and personality; they have different backgrounds and conditions. So there is no set of rule that applies equally to everyone. Also, whom a person dates is also a matter of personal choice. No one has any right to intrude in anybody’s private affair. Yes the youngsters say, not even their parents.  But, our heart and gut do give us signals about the right or the wrong person. Do we hear to them?

I think if your love does not allow losing sight of pursuing your own personal development, if your love is helping you to expand your life and bring forth your inherent potential with fresh and dynamic vitality then you have found an ideal partner.

People often lose all objectivity when they fall in love. If the relationship you’re in is causing your parents, your well wishers to worry, or making you ignore your studies or engage in negative behavior, then you and the person you’re seeing are only being a negative influence and impediment to each other. Neither of you will be happy if you both just end up hurting each other. If you are neglecting the things you should be doing, forgetting your purpose in life because of the relationship you’re in, then you are not in the right company. A healthy relationship is one in which two people encourage each other to reach their respective goals while sharing each other’s hopes and dreams. A relationship should be a source of inspiration, invigoration and hope. You and your partner must respect each other’s views points, strengths and weaknesses.

Love is a complex matter that is a reflection of each person’s attitude and philosophy toward life. That is the reason people shouldn’t get involved in relationships lightly. The bottom line is that, without respect, no relationship will last for very long, nor will two people be able to bring out the best in each other. When you meet that special someone, you know that you have and that’s when you start to take the relationship more serious.

A relationship needs to be worked at, and if you truly love and care for someone, you will do this with ease. And the most important thing is see what attitude your partner has towards sex because it is the serious step in a relationship that needs to be considered very carefully. It has long and hard consequences of taking that step. After which your relationship will no longer be the same.

Please don’t surrender to the view that love is the be-all and end-all, deluding yourself that as long as you are in love, nothing else matters. Nor, I hope, you will not buy into the misguided concept that falling ever deeper into a painful and destructive relationship is somehow cool. It’s not.