Can you please everyone in your life? If yes, share the formula with rest of us. And, please also tell how many people you have pleased so far.

Don’t you get baffled for not replying everyone’s tweet, email, message, and invitation and don’t you feel insecure for not doing so, you might be tagged “bigheaded” or selfish or bitchy. And, how much time and energy do you spend on planning good reasons to give all of those for replying.

When you don’t hear back from somebody, you start wondering if you’ve done something wrong or you have angered or offended that person. Don’t you keep analyzing what must have gone wrong? And don’t you desperately wait for some sort of sign that the person does not hate you.

Think of how much time and efforts you put in behaving “ideally” to please so many countless people around you. While behaving ideally have you analyzed how emotionally, mentally, physically and monetarily you are drained?

Even when you realize on number of occasions that when you go miles out of your way to please someone, in fact that person is taking advantage of your goodness, is underestimating your acumen and emotionally blackmailing you; how many times have you retorted back?

I received a beautiful message from a friend of mine on WhatsApp that for small, big, minute reasons a woman especially is ought to be tagged. A woman is tagged by her own friends, family, and the society for everything. It starts from what you wear, how you behave, how you grow in your career, how you bring up your children, how you speak, how you stand, how you carry yourself and your very existence for everything you are being labeled. If you have curves you are “fat” if you don’t have then you are “flat.” If you wear makeup you are “made-up” and if you don’t then you are “plain.” If you dress up well you are a “show off” if you are simply dressed you are “unnoticeable.” If you talk smartly and intelligently you are “snob” if you don’t say anything you either a “dumb” or have an “attitude” problem. If you cry, you are “acting” and if you don’t you are “emotionless.” If you have some boyfriends you are a “flirt”, if you don’t have them you are “narrow-minded”. If you stand for yourself you are “cheeky” and if you don’t you are again “dumb”. So, you get my point – you do anything and are sure of being condemned.

So why do you bother? Don’t even try it. It’s a waste of time trying to make everyone like you. Just be the way you are. I’ve learned the hard way and in the end, some people are just so full of hatred that no matter what you say or do, they’ll always have something to say. They’ll never like you. So unload them. Though we all have the innate desire to get endorsement from other people for our actions, and it is not a bad thing either. Learn to give a damn to those who pull you down because they are hypocrites, stupid people. You can’t please everyone. Stop putting people around your first, than yourself at the cost of your emotions and your wellbeing as it will lead you nowhere. Psychiatrists call this syndrome as “People-pleasers.” While being responsive to the needs of others is a crucial part of normal social functioning, people-pleasers push the concept to an unhealthy level. Don’t burn your energy for going out of your way to please those thoughtless people, who don’t recognize your worth, else you will go emotionally broke.

Oscar Wilde once said with his usual wit: Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. As humorous as this might seem, it’s a basic outline of the truth. Yet, you can’t be yourself if you don’t know, you don’t understand, and accept yourself first. It should be your primary goal in finding your values, and don’t be surprised if some of them seem conflicting in nature. Avoid living in past, chill and relax and except the truth “You are not perfect.”  And, friends God is yet to produce a perfect person.

How do you introduce yourself when you meet a visitor, a guest in your office or home, in an interview or when you are introduced to someone for the first time? Are you shy, are you aggressive, are you assertive, or are you to the point? It is important how one introduces himself/herself in person or in correspondence because it matters a lot in developing relationships. When we are asked to introduce ourselves, it matters how crisply and assertively we introduce our self.  Assertiveness is a skill regularly referred to in social and communication skills training.  Often it’s wrongly confused with aggression; assertive individuals aim to be neither passive nor aggressive in their interactions with other people.

Assertiveness helps in being able to express feelings, wishes, wants and desires appropriately and is an important personal and interpersonal skill. One needs to be assertive in all interactions with other people, whether at home, in a party, in a concert, or at work, with employers, customers or colleagues it avoids ambiguity of any sort.

I think we introduce and re-introduce ourselves to the world around us time and again; in all relationships of ours and in many situations we introduce our new traits, attributes to maintain validity of situation, action taken and for logical inference. And each time, assertiveness can help in expressing our self in a clear, open and reasonable way, without undermining the rights of our self or of others.

When people adopt a passive response in any situation they do it because they have a strong need to be liked by others.  Such people do not regard themselves as equals because they seek attachment with someone for a selfish reason, and also because they place greater weight on the rights, wishes and feelings of others.  Being passive results in failure to communicate thoughts or feelings and results in people doing things they really do not want to do in the hope that they might please others.  This also means that they allow others to take responsibility, to lead and make decisions for them. I call such people slimy. They are dangerous to organizations and society.

Passive responding can encourage treatment that underpins a submissive role.  While the underlying causes of passive responding are often poor self-confidence and self-esteem, therefore passive introduction responds itself in yet further reducing self-worth.

It’s very important to share relatable information every time you are introducing yourself. For example when you meet a physician for the first time you will share information regarding your age, health condition and duration of the persisting condition; when your friend introduces you to her friend you will share your name, profession etc; when you enter a police station you will share information regarding the purpose of your visit, your address, and the problem faced by you. As a student in a class room it is important for you to share unique information about yourself that will help the other students (and the teacher) to remember who you are and also to feel like you’ve got something in common with them. So, each introduction in life has a different relevance. And, each introduction establishes credibility and likability of building bond.

It is all up to us to avoid awkward conversation-stoppers like giving unwarranted details about ourselves. We should know where to draw lines – I recall this person I met in a party who dragged his information to no end; he told the group, many of whom he was meeting for the first time about his political connections, his messy divorce, and that though he looked old he was only 33 years old. He became nothing but laughing stock in the party. So cut short your introduction according the situation. Remember your actions speak louder than words do.

Some people brag about themselves while introducing and some are very sloppy. I have seen this – both make others uneasy. So it’s worth investing in learning how to introduce you to the world. A fun way to make introductions a little more comfortable is to have some fun with people around in casual situations.

When you go for a job interview, your introduction should be concise enough to hold the interest of the interviewer. Make a quick recap of your most compelling qualifications, your achievements and connectivity with the applied post and this would suffice. You could also throw in a couple of tidbits which are not essential to the job, but reflect your qualities like the fact that you are an avid reader, would throw light on your studiousness. Or, you like mountaineering shows your spirit of adventure. Your goal is to connect personally with the interviewer as well as to show that you’re qualified for the job.

Of course, your initial conversation should show your enthusiasm for the job and your interest to work in the organization. However, don’t overdo it and don’t spend too much time talking about yourself. The interviewer has an agenda and limited time; so keep it short so you can move on to the next question.

Remember, the interviewer may follow up your introduction with supplementary questions, so it’s important to remember that you will need to support whatever declaration you make during your introduction. Be prepared to provide specific examples of how and where you have utilized your characteristics and assets successfully so far in your career.

When people are in hurry to grab the limelight in get-togethers and parties – when they tell   too much about themselves – they are labeled as “bore.” You might have a lot about yourself which you want the world to learn. Don’t be in hurry.  Introduce yourself sophisticatedly. You can exchange your visiting card; design your card elaborative by giving all details of your professional networking such as your LinkedIn account, Facebook account details, and your professional memberships. I think all those who want to get connected with you for whatever reasons will get connected with you anyhow, hence be brief.

Some golden tips: brief introductions are always best. Provide the bare minimum the other person needs to know. Do not maintain distance or a cold approach – converse politely and you’ll see that during the conversation more can be revealed in a natural way. Be appropriate while introducing you. Don’t make an unnecessary fuss; you might lose some golden chances. And most importantly focus on others because to become successful you require them.

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