Empathy and sympathy are two terms that are often used interchangeably. But only one of them allows people to connect deeper than surface level that is empathy. According to the American Psychology Association Dictionary of Psychology, the definitions of sympathy and empathy are as follows:

When we sympathize with someone’s unfortunate situation, we feel bad for them. We have thoughts and feelings about what they are going through but we don’t have a deep understanding of how they are feeling. Empathizing with someone’s circumstances means we are taking the time, effort, and mental space to fully appreciate and understand how they feel. Empathy is a regularly used, but poorly understood, concept. It is confused with related words such as sympathy, pity, mercy, understanding etc. In older times, in my individual childhood and youth it was common practice, we younger people would pay respect to older people and kids, if a neighbour or known person required help, we would rush to help. Wishing pleasantries was common etiquette then. These small deeds kept a community unified and safe. We were more empathetic. Somehow, I cannot use words just to sympathise with somebody. I hate lip sympathy which is expressed in words but that is not shown in actions.

The term “attention seeker” is often used to refer to someone who constantly wants and actively seeks sympathy from others. This behaviour can be evidently seen in various ways, such as constantly sharing personal problems, amplifying difficulties, or using emotional manipulation to gain sympathy. And we see drama of some people who sympathise for the sake of lip sympathy.

When we practice empathy, we dive into the depth of other’s emotions and imagine ourselves in their situation. It is not about how we feel about their experience but rather we are putting ourselves in their shoes, imagining going through what they’re going through and feeling their emotions.

Empathy is shown in how much compassion and understanding we can give to another. Sympathy is more of a feeling of pity for another. Empathy is our ability to understand how someone feels while sympathy is our relief in not having the same problems. Expressing sympathy can seem like saying, ‘I am sorry for you,’ ‘I wish I could do something for you,’ ‘God’s not ben fair with you’ etc…etc.  But expressing empathy feels more like, I understand what you are going through, I want to help you, tell me what can I do for you?

Although both words are used in situations that involve emotions, they cannot be used interchangeably as they have different meanings. The main difference between sympathy and empathy is how we express and experience our emotions toward someone’s situation. 

For instance, if your friend tells you that their dog recently passed away, you sympathize by saying “I’m sorry for your loss.” But if you empathize, you will imagine yourself losing a beloved pet and feeling the grief and loss that come with that experience.

Uninvited Advice vs. Active Listening: When people empathise, they listen carefully, they understand the problem and try to plug it. Sympathizing does not involve feeling emotions; therefore, when we hear about someone’s problem, we immediately feel the urge to fix it because we pity them. We start giving unsolicited advice, without going in depth of someone’s problem. It is easier to advise or give solution rather than validate someone’s experiences. While empathising, we connect deeply to other’s experience. We ask questions to understand, we practice active listening, read their facial expressions and body language and behave sensitively to their needs.

According to Edith Stein, a German phenomenologist (who studies phenomena), empathy can be facilitated. It also can be interrupted and blocked, but it cannot be forced to occur. Why is empathy so unique? According to Stein, empathy happens to us; it is indirectly given to us, it is elemental. When empathy occurs, we find ourselves experiencing it, but we cannot directly cause it to happen to us. This is the characteristic that makes the act of empathy exceptional and therefore it cannot be taught. Instead, promoting attitudes and behaviours such as self-awareness, tolerant, positively regard others, good listening skills, and self-confidence are suggested as important in the development of empathetic attitude. A lot of willingness is required in a person to develop empathetic approach.

The world today needs empaths, but only 1 to 2 percent of the population can feel and absorb the emotions surrounding them.  An empath is like a sponge that absorbs the people’s problems and takes them as his or her own. Empaths have a higher sensitivity to certain people, places, or sounds. Empaths try to help others wholeheartedly. 

Empathy is a regularly used, but poorly understood, concept. It is confused with related words such as sympathy, pity, mercy, understanding etc. In older times, in my distinctive youth it was common to see younger people would pay respect to older people and kids, if a neighbor or known person required help, we would rush to help. Wishing pleasantries was common etiquette then. These small deeds kept a community unified and pretty safe.

But, as we have started living in more globalized society, a lot of these social conventions are diluted and lost. We have become more self-centered, and less bothered about our surroundings. In an age of super fast internet communication, we are no longer bounded by our own community and we are witnessing a big change of people have stopped bothering for their culture and societal norms.

Empathy is described in dictionary as ‘the action of understanding; to be aware of somebody’s pain or distress, being sensitive to another person’. It also means vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of others.

Can empathy be taught? NO. An Empath is born and not created. Empathy is a genetic trait. According to Edith Stein, a German phenomenologist, empathy can be facilitated. It also can be interrupted and blocked, but it cannot be forced to occur. Why is empathy so unique? According to Stein, empathy happens to us; it is indirectly given to us, it is elemental. When empathy occurs, we find ourselves experiencing it, but we cannot directly cause it to happen to us. This is the characteristic that makes the act of empathy exceptional and therefore it cannot be taught. Instead, promoting attitudes and behaviors such as self-awareness, tolerant, positively regard others, good listening skills, and self-confidence are suggested as important in the development of empathetic attitude. A lot of willingness is required in a person to develop empathetic approach.

According to Daniel Goleman – author of emotional intelligence, empathy is defined as understanding the emotional makeup of people and, treating people according to their emotional reactions.  Goleman and other emotional intelligence researchers have constantly identified empathy as a core component of emotional intelligence and a powerful interpreter of success in many professions. Empathy helps us to develop deep levels of rapport and trust.

People who have poor empathy skills are not good team players at work place. They cannot make good leaders and they are disastrous in a team. It can lead to conflict due to lower understanding of other’s feelings, misinterpretation of action leading to misunderstanding.  Without empathy we feel lonely within a relationship. Lack of empathy can cause organizations to make terrible blunders that isolate their customers, suppliers or employees and it can even provoke hostility inside and outside the organization.

It is important to understand that some people though they feel empathetic, have trouble with displaying their abilities. For instance, some adults would shrivel from offering a wounded person first aid, not because they are merciless but because they have trouble coping with their own emotional reactions to the other person’s plight. Empathy is displayed in various degrees; with practice and an understanding of psychology, we can probably develop stronger empathic skills. Empathy is a gift most people have, to varying degrees.

The development of empathy begins very early in life. The seeds for empathy are planted by receptive parenting during the infant-toddler period. Empathy then begins to grow during preschool. However, it is during the elementary school years that empathy either takes root or becomes a way of life or emotional insensitivity sets in. Empathetic teens and adults really blossom and give joy to those around them. Society tries to avoid those people who lack empathy.

I recall a beautiful and popular song; its lyrics go like this, “I feel sad when you’re sad, I feel glad when you’re glad, if you only knew what I’m going through, I just can’t smile without you.” This song describes empathy for the loved ones.