Life is a series of negotiations because we go through a series of natural and spontaneous changes of which success is not always an outcome.  An average adult makes about 35,000 conscious decisions each day. Each decision, of course, carries certain consequences with it that are both good and bad. We encounter several negotiation situations each day, each moment/each hour. Yet, most people misunderstand a negotiator as someone who can manipulate people into getting what he wants. 

What we don’t realize is that almost every conversation we have, each day, is some kind of negotiation. We all use our strength to tackle all kinds of situations, we go through ‘highs and lows.’ We go through moments when we feel a sense of loss, confusion and self-doubt. In times like these it is only our determination that comes to our rescue and helps us to stand tall and save our self-worth.

Negotiation is a dialogue between two or more parties to resolve points of difference, gain an advantage for an individual or group of people for positive outcomes to satisfy various interests. The parties aspire to agree on matters. Whenever there is a want, desire or a need present on either side, we are in a negotiation. And we every day have wants, desires and  needs. The thing that trip up people is they knowingly or unknowingly get into action of negotiation as bargaining. For example, buying vegetables, fruits, milk, eggs, bread, what to cook for meal, getting the house cleaned from maids, getting the garden watered, which mattresses to use on bed, when to change curtains of windows, whether to attend a function or not, planning a holiday, planning a function ….so many negotiations we conclude before making decisions.   

There are bigger negotiations we go for such as: buying a car, negotiating a salary, buying a home, renegotiating rent, choosing a life partner, investment decisions, health related decisions etc. As we mature in life, we take emotional intelligence and intuition to the next level, before negotiating.  Emotional intelligence is critical for mastering negotiation skill. Emotional Intelligence is the ability to manage both your own emotions and understand the emotions of people around you.

We learn to negotiate better when we go with an open mind, we think and plan, when we articulate our thoughts, we succeed. Perseverance is most important requirement while negotiating. When we detach ourselves from the result negotiation works out better. Also, any negotiation is not one sided, we should think about other side too. A very important point is at times we get confused with want exactly we want. knowledge of the subject matter being negotiated, ability to think clearly and rapidly under pressure and uncertainty also matters. Most important skill in negotiation is listening skill.

In business negotiations most negotiations are sharp but need to be dealt with calm and composed mind, carrying the figures in head, quantifying every trade-off is fundamental to the deal. Or that’s what the science of game theory says. In real life however, people are not always rational under pressure, when time is short, and the stakes are high. In business, the biggest challenge in a negotiation is to stop emotions from overtaking logic.

Warren Buffett is one of the world’s most successful investors and has built an impressive, estimated wealth of $85.3 billion. He has also earned a strong reputation as one of the world’s most skilled negotiators. Buffet is known for doing his research and preparing for negotiations with meticulous detail. His ability to identify value, negotiate favourable terms, and build strong relationships has been key to his incredible success in the business world. He keeps his ego out of the door. He is ruthlessly unemotional while negotiating.

Indira Nooyi, CEO of PepsiCo is known for her flexibility during negotiations. She always was open to alternative solutions and willing to adjust her stance based on new information or changing circumstances. This adaptability allowed her to navigate complex deals successfully and overcome unexpected challenges.

Nooyi believed in thorough preparation before entering any negotiation. Whether it was a merger deal or a supplier contract, she ensured that she and her team were well-informed about the industry landscape, the counterpart’s interests, and potential areas of compromise. She always built strong relationships with stakeholders.  She looked at alternative solutions willingness to adjust her decisions based on new information or changing circumstances. Also, her communication skills made her a popular leader.

When we look at negotiation, it’s basically discovering what the other side wants, we must try to uncover their reasoning and motives. Nelson Mandela is remembered for being one of the most talented negotiators in history. He served as the first president of South Africa from 1994 to 1999 and used his strong negotiation skills to fight apartheid and secure a more peaceful society for millions of South African people. Mandela is well known for his resilience, patience, and strategic thinking. It took him decades to achieve his goals, and his focus on the greater good played a crucial role in ensuring a peaceful transition to democracy.

When we don’t recognize a negotiation as a negotiation, it’s much harder to be successful in it. In both personal and professional realms, the ability to negotiate effectively is an art and science. Science as a metaphor for negotiation emphasizes the strategic, analytical, and data-driven aspects of negotiation. It highlights the importance of preparation, research, and understanding the underlying dynamics of negotiation that can make the difference between success and failed opportunities.

Through the years, numerous definitions of listening have been proposed. Perhaps the most useful one defines listening as the process of receiving, attending, and understanding auditory messages; that is, messages transmitted through the medium of sound. Often, the steps of responding and remembering are also included. The process moves through the first three steps—receiving, attending, understanding—in sequence. Responding and/or remembering may or may not follow. For example, it may be desirable for the listener to respond immediately or to remember the message in order to respond at a later time.

Listening as an activity must be taught at school level

I strongly feel that at primary school level listening as an activity must be taught. It’s such an important activity for life, which we ignore completely. Most of our life, we listen half-heartedly. Because, half of time we ignore the complete conversation for we plan to cut the speaker to give our comments. This is just plain human nature. We don’t want to appear dumb, so we try to be ready with an intelligent response the moment the people finish what they have to say. The fact is that the human brain can’t really multitask. So while our brain is thinking up an answer, we slip by what is being said.

Listening is most important element in effective working relationships among employees and between management and staff. Also, in our personal life we miss a lot and also misunderstand a lot because we don’t listen correctly. To improve listening skills, we must give the other person full attention and maintain eye contact.

Slow down your mind

The best way to listen is to slow down mind, instruct the mind to listen, clam down emotions and quiet your ego. Assume you know what the other person is about to say, even then don’t is cut the person. Though we know what the person is about say and we must have heard him say that many times before, we might have missed the subtle underlying message each time.

We come across people who talk repetitively about an issue. Some people are repetitive by nature. We miss when we mentally check out on something we think we already know. Also, we all experience this common impulse: someone tells us that he is suffered viral fever and even before he finishes there is an urge within you to tell how you had fever and how long you took medicine and how you tackled it, how weak you felt after fever etc, etc. But, the truth is that every experience is different. We cannot compare two people’s experiences. The other person wants you to hear him and understand him, care about his experience.

Most often, we interrupt others for looking smart

We interrupt to correct the speaker or to get to a key point before the speaker does. Another mistake we do is, not listening cautiously, letting your mind wander for something else which seems more important.  In today’s busy world, we crave for time. We become arrogant at times when we tell somebody that we don’t have time even to listen him/her. It becomes difficult day by day to hold our attention if we don’t train our mind to do so.

Negative feedback

The worst of a thing we do is when we get terribly defensive when somebody gives a negative feedback. When we face negative comments about ourselves, our ideas or our work, our natural response is to refute, defend, or redirect the feedback/comment in order to protect our self esteem. It becomes intolerable to handle a negative comment about self. Taking in the feedback with as much of an open mind is essential. To do this, you need to give yourself some time to think about it and assess what is true, what is false. Remember, it’s ultimately up to you whether to act on feedback or not. But it is always useful to give it serious consideration and look for ways to handle the situation tactfully. If you adept this simple fact, you will be ahead of the game.

How to tackle negative feedback?

Though listening is a basic requirement in communication, forget it if somebody is badmouthing you, remember this, you have already achieved something more than the ones who talk about you. They feel inferior; they are unable to achieve what you have achieved. They are unable to and to curb their frustration hence they talk behind your back. Many people must be admiring you and following you. This fact cannot be absorbed by petty minded people.  They talk behind your back and influence the people around in some way to start disliking you. Be wise. Walk across them confidently as if they don’t exist because, a wise person doesn’t care about such people. Smile confidently when you walk past. This is something you don’t need to listen to!