Handsome, charming, pretty, attractive, smart these adjectives regarding personality cannot be described. Similarly ugly, unattractive, disfigured, obese, skinny, fair, stout also cannot be defined. But then why do we call some people ‘charismatic’? A variety of factors can make a person charismatic. They include but are not limited to confidence, energy, optimism, expressive body language, and a passionate voice. People with charisma are often enthusiastic and speak with assertiveness. APJ Abdul Kalam, the “Missile Man of India,” was a renowned scientist, a visionary leader, and the 11th President of India. With a charismatic and humble personality, he left an indelible mark on the nation. Known for his unwavering love for students and education, Kalam was a true inspiration to countless individuals, he was charismatic because of his research, his speech, his warmth and his love for education. He was not a handsome man.

People with charisma tend to project calmness, self-confidence, assertiveness, honesty, authenticity, enthusiasm and, almost always, they have excellent communication skills. These traits are supported by positive body language transmitted through their posture, facial expressions, eye contact and hand movements. Narendra Modi, the present PM of India, completed his higher secondary education in Vadnagar in 1967; his teachers described him as an average student in education but a gifted debater with an interest in theatre. He preferred playing larger-than-life characters in theatrical productions, which has influenced his political image. His dialogue delivery is excellent and prompt.  He can talk about any situation with mastery. He has great fan following in the world.

Charismatic people possess an irresistible charm that draws others to them, enabling them to forge strong connections, inspire trust, and lead effectively. Colorful, debonair, mischievous and romantic, Dev Anand’s personality is best manifested in the song he sang in Hum Dono: Main zindagi ka saath nibhata chala gaya; har fiqr ko dhuen mein udata chala gaya…. Hema Malini’s mother was a huge fan of Dev Anand, so she grew up hearing his name and watching his films. Her career’s second film Johnny Mera Naam was with Dev Anand. Hema was so young, and Dev was a huge star. But he never made her feel like a newcomer. They shot the film’s cable-car sequence for the song ‘Ohh mere raja’ at Rajgir in Bihar. The crowds got unwieldy. Dev Anand looked after her. Dev Anand was always on the move. He was genetically restless, and he didn’t appreciate people around him who couldn’t keep pace with him. Watching him at work was like taking a vitamin tablet. Asha Parekh compares working with Dev Anand to being on an express train. The journey was relentless and stimulating. Dev Anand oozed charisma because he was superbly talented and knew how to play this game called Life.

I remember one of my school days classmates whom I remember as a charismatic person. She was not a pretty girl; she spoke slowly and calmly. She wasn’t the smartest person in the room but once she spoke no matter how short, the students would turn their heads at her and listen with intent. She once explained to me that speaking fast does not help her navigate her thoughts clearly. She would not use pauses or hesitate when she spoke because she would let her mind process her words before she delivered them. I found her mysterious. She never spoke about her life unless it was required. She never told anyone in the class about her home, about her family life, she never tried hard to explain herself, she let people judge her however they perceive her life to be.

Being self-aware enables people to play to their strengths and disguise their shortcomings. Self-awareness results in being aware of your inner experiences, such as thoughts and emotions, and how your presence and behavior affect other people. Self-awareness is required to be fully present and at ease in your skin. You can acquire self-awareness through practicing mindfulness.  Our Minister for External Affairs Dr S. Jaishankar is an amazing diplomat. Perhaps the best External affairs minister India has ever seen. His colleagues and mentors vouch for his “realistic view of foreign policy” among other skills. Jaishankar is a politically savvy diplomat. He has proved his style and knowledge in bridging the gap between his ministry and the PMO while making ambitious foreign policy moves. He looks striking while speaking on any platform. His diction is good, and his intellect is visible. 

Warmth is a critical charismatic personality trait. Warm people are usually approachable, understanding, and caring. Optimism and enthusiasm also convey warmth. Dr. Devi Prasad Shetty is an Indian cardiac surgeon who is the chairman and founder of Narayana Health, a chain of 24 medical centers all over India. He has performed more than 100,000 heart operations. Devi Shetty’s soft skills are very powerful and extremely effective. An image of absolute poise and grace, Dr. Shetty carries a light smile that instantaneously comforts and reassures his patients. He is soft spoken, and a very good listener. He exudes warmth.

A charismatic personality can also convey competence, a combination of power, capability, and intelligence. Competence is leadership ability. Think of the authoritative aura of Elon Musk, who conveys an air of no-nonsense competence. He’s a man that gets things done.

When others assess you in a job interview, they evaluate your ability to do what you say you’re going to do. Conveying competence with less warmth can establish authority. Still, the right balance of warmth and competence is the foundation of charismatic personality.

The way you carry yourself, the confidence you show, fuels your presence. This includes the way you dress, what you look like, how handle situations, your confidence, you walk, the way you talk, the way you stand, and how the people around you perceive you as a person. Charismatic people stand out anywhere they go.  

In our life, we often feel intimidated by others. Many people make us nervous. This covers a whole gamut of personalities ranging from some rich and famous, higher ups at work, love interests, some highly qualified people, politicians, people we don’t know at parties, popular people from society, our professors, some renowned professionals and celebrities. It’s very natural to feel intimidated occasionally. It pushes us to become better person. It happens often due to our imaginative gap we see between people we look up to and self. Some such people can bring up feelings we harbor about ourselves that we are not good enough, striking enough, interesting enough, intelligent enough or many more deficiencies.

Have you ever thought that many people must be getting intimidated by you? Your behavior, your mannerism might be misunderstood by many. Shyness is misunderstood as aloofness all the time. Silence is misunderstood as snobbishness; similarly chattiness is misunderstood as gossiping, getting emotional everyone and then is misunderstood as drama queen/king. A very successful doctor – an acquaintance of mine who appears aloof confided in me in one of the parties over a drink that he somehow can’t liberate from his shyness and he thoroughly enjoys when people interact with him. When I told him that he comes across as an aloof person he was astonished as it is just the opposite of his intent; in fact he looks forward to chat and interact with people. Sometimes, if we make the first social move and say hello, we might be wiping out two people’s nerves.

I think everyone feels a little uneasy and off-balanced when they’re around that handful of people who just seem to have everything going for them. They may be really outgoing as well, which can add in all the problems from the point above. You will find their intimidating impression shrinks when you just have more experience with them. When you get used to them, start seeing them as normal people, you will learn firsthand that they too have flaws and quirks and insecurities like everyone else. And, this might improve your own confidence and social skills. You then see these people as closer to your level, rather than them being on a pedestal and your feeling you’re a walking example of lame, awkward unworthiness that’s lucky to even be talking to them.

I would add here a very well managed movie ‘English Vinglish’ which is the story of Shashi, a woman who doesn’t know English and is intimidated by her family and society at large. The film though light-hearted is about the touching and transformational journey of Shashi. Circumstances make her resolute to overcome this insecurity, master English language, teach the world a lesson on the way to becoming a self assured and confident woman.

And, don’t we all believe in stereotypes about looks, styles, mannerisms, eating, drinking, about certain subgroups positive as well as negative. Many times we group religion, races or individuals together and make a judgment about them without knowing them; this is a pattern of a stereotype. Racial remarks, sexual remarks, and gender remarks are the biggest stereotypes. A common stereotype about Asians is that they are good at math and that all Asians like to eat rice and drive slow. Another example is that Irish like to get drunk and they love eating potatoes. And commonest of all is that all boys and men mess up their surroundings and girls are not good at sports. Most stereotypes probably tend to convey a negative impression.

We all want to consider ourselves as liberal, progressive, open-minded citizens of the world while we sometimes subtly act on negative stereotypes about certain groups without giving much importance to it. At University, someone who comes from rural area may feel nervous around young stylish men and women speaking fluently and without any hesitation. Someone may feel a little hesitant to try to be friendly to the Chinese students, because of a negative stereotype going around campus that they’re all selfish and aloof and only associate with each other. I know many people who feel very insecure about their educational qualifications. It is either because their love of education and not having so many degrees.

When someone is intimidated by really outgoing people it’s that they’re worried about having to talk to them and feeling really besieged about feeling that they won’t be able to keep up or know what to say. Let me tell you the moment we think that we won’t be able to converse freely and we might fall short of words trust me that’s what happens. If we’re inhibited, we may assume everyone is constantly looking for a reason to review our flaws. Some people come across as snobby and judgmental without intending to as well.

I think we need to face our fear and just get more used to talking to people we feel intimidated by. We must try to analyze our intimidation. The first time might be tough, but once we get used to talking to them asking question, conversing with them freely the fear evaporates.

I have seen sometimes more of a problem for young adults when they’re still in high school, where all kinds of students are mixed together and they run into some very intelligent, dull, whacky, flamboyant, argumentative, foul mouthed, cheater, sober all sorts of students. It sometimes becomes difficult for peace loving and sober students to fit in a class of tough guys. Once someone has moved on to college or the work world they usually don’t run across as many tough guys. The fear in the work world is that these people are dangerous loose cannons who may kick your ass at any second. This world is more political and full of bias where you face sweet tongued people who say something and do something in contrast.

Some men don’t feel comfortable hanging out with other guys. They find them to be too macho, destructive, cutting in their humor, or impulsive. They may feel that way because they got picked on as a kid, or because they never really felt like they fit the male stereotype. Some women feel the same way and see other females as being too catty, girly, backstabbing, or dramatic, among other things. This is another area where some childhood experience can take the intimidating edge.

We all are product of our subconscious mind; we are what we think. If we think we are unsafe, we are going to remain unsafe till end. If we see someone as threat, the person will surely turn out be a threat. You can take back your power by just changing the way you see yourself. When you learn to see yourself perfectly, you will feel safe in any condition. Don’t care too much what others think of you. Other people can think you are a terrible, stupid, poor, ugly person. But,   does this change what you actually are? You are born with a purpose; understand that purpose, there is no reason to feel threatened by anyone, because in reality they can’t hurt you. Occasionally spend time on yourself – deep down you are an amazing, complete, secured, beautiful and good enough. Off and on you might experience some storms they will come and go. You are matchless, one-of-a-kind soul on a journey of learning and growth. Your value cannot be questioned – your value is infinite and absolute.