Most professionals spend more of their waking hours in the office than at home; we see our office collogues more and interact more with them than our family members. Naturally, we get more drawn to our office colleagues.  While our general philosophy of friendships may be “the more, the merrier,” making friends in the office has a distinctive set of pros and cons. While regular friendships depend on sharing trust, confidence, sharing our personal secrets, and confiding little or big problems in our friends, getting this close at work place with somebody has its drawbacks.

It’s a bit tricky to get close to somebody at workplace. We cannot hide away from competition, creation of new alliances, breaking of existing alliances, dependencies, backstabbing and gossiping. We become vulnerable if we are not aware of what is going on in the office politics. Often, our nonworking selves and relationships are significantly more casual than is warranted for a professional situation. And, if we try mix the two, the result may be messy politics and dynamics that can complicate our life both at work and at home. Another common problem can arise if you get promoted and your ‘friend’ is not – or your friend gets promoted and you don’t: promotions usually change workplace friendships.  People start resenting friends once they get promoted to higher positions.

Many researches show that people get attracted to their co-workers at the place of work; it is where the mainstream of couples meet. And, there’s a reason for this: unlike online dating, newspaper ads, singles events and speed dating, the office gives you a chance to actually get to know and even bond with a person before you assert your interest. Working side by side with someone daily, seeing him or her under pressure, sympathizing over problems and congratulating over wins gives you a portrait of the person on the inside as well as the outside. It’s the core of the person that matters in love and hence workplace provides the “best infrastructure” to fall in love. It’s the most ‘organic’ and ‘natural’ place for falling in love. These relationships often last for longer time, because they’re reality based then online dating or seeing a matrimonial ad.

Unfortunately, the same ingredients can make office connections tempting even to bond in extra marital affairs; this is the disadvantage and a concern. The reason so many people date in the workplace, even though it’s often terrible, is that it’s easy. You get to know someone well by working alongside them, observing them interacting with others, seeing them under stress. A lot of these relationships do work, and several end up in mess.

Mutual dependence on each other for work, working in a team on difficult and challenging projects, facing the same challenges and knowing the same set of people with their strengths and weaknesses helps in deepening the friendship among colleagues. Also, in big cities and  metros where usually workers stay alone in PG accommodation, and they feel homesick do in their initial tenures cling on to their coworkers;  it’s easier to go out on Friday evening to chill together directly from office with colleagues than make plans with people who live in different parts of the city. It’s quite normal.

Office environment becomes lighter and much healthier during lunch and tea breaks. Workers come together to chat, share jokes, discuss news, views, personal problems, personal news etc which relieves them from stress. It’s fun to be around friends and colleagues. Friendship benefits employees as they are able to give vent to their feelings and their stress levels become low. This automatically increases their productivity. The best places to work are the organizations which have open and friendly work cultures. Having friends at work makes individuals feel at ease and being themselves.

Though politicking cannot be avoided at workplace where betrayal of trust, competition, partiality, bias, jealousy and a sense of unfairness, money and power equations keep brewing, it is observed that employees who are friends are able to handle these differences in a better manner, thus, preserving a peaceful work environment. It is important to deal with problems straight away and avoid causing further conflict.

And, what about bosses being friendly with their subordinates – Is it good or bad? People like to work with people they like, and if you can develop a friendship with your subordinates, you’ll see more productivity. Your people will want to worker harder, and they probably might take on more challenges and cross their limitations for you. Do you tend to create such relationships? Think of your people one by one and ask, “If his performance slipped and didn’t improve, would I be able to terminate him? If she made repeated serious mistakes in spite of careful coaching, could I cut back her responsibilities or tell her she won’t get a raise?”

There are no hard-and-fast rules that govern how close a friendship should be between a boss and an employee. But there’s a general rule of thumb that boundaries must be created and respected; because the friendship can hinder the professionalism. There’s no question it can be lonely at the top, and making friends in the office when you’re the boss can be a nice solace. Just like there are pros to being friends with your employees, there is also a downside if the relationship isn’t managed properly. Managers have to be mindful of getting too close to one of his or her reports because it can make it hard to give out orders or worse appear inappropriate or unfair to the other employees in the office. That’s why experts say bosses have to set boundaries and stick to them. Yes it’s ok to go out for one or two drinks with staff after work but it’s not a good idea to stay out until 2:00 a.m. downing shots. Too much closeness with subordinates might bring in awkwardness in relationship. You might feel uncomfortable to give instructions. You might want to take a step back. Instead of being their drinking buddy, instead of hanging out with the regularly, you may use the friendship as a way to mentor them.

As a boss makes sure you are in control of the relationship. You should be in position to make tough decisions, give constructive feedback, keep sensitive information confidential, and be objectively alert. Ask yourself this question that as a leader are you effective?

Even a well-managed friendship can have some bumps along the road. Make sure that there has to be that defined line. Too often if you get friendly favors can be called in or expectations are going to be made. It can create a situation where other employees see it as favoritism. It’s ok to chat with employees and to ask about their family and weekend. It’s good to care and it’s important to show you are interested in who they are and what they are becoming as an employee and their personal growth. This doesn’t mean you don’t have great relationships with your employees. I just think you can do that best without being their ‘friend’.

As per dictionary, definition of the word beauty is the quality present in a person or thing that gives intense aesthetic pleasure or deep satisfaction to the mind or the senses. Beauty is a quality, trait, attribute of a person, animal, place (destination), object or an idea of a person that provides perceptual experience of happiness or satisfaction. Beauty is studied as part of aesthetics in sociology, social psychology and culture. An “ideal beauty” is presented in form of perfection.

The understanding of beauty often engages an interpretation of some entity as being in balance and harmony with nature, which may lead to feelings of attraction and emotional well-being. Because this can be a subjective experience, it is often said that “beauty is in the eye of the beholder”. There is evidence that perceptions of beauty is evolutionarily defined firmly as all those things, aspects of people and landscapes considered beautiful are classically found in situations likely to give enhanced survival of the perceiving human’s genes. We find somebody or a place, a piece of art beautiful in a frame of mind and situation. What today we find beautiful need not appear beautiful a month later.  It’s the mind’s perception and observation is a mood and disposition.

A beauty pageant is a competition that has traditionally focused on the physical beauty of its contestants. Although, such contests have evolved features such as personality, intelligence, talent, and presence of mind to answer the judges’ questions as judged criteria. These criteria are sometimes uncanny, but are based on varied contexts known to judges alone. Beauty pageants are also held for men, children, animals called by other names.  The pageants try to depict an unattainable perfect image that is illusionary most of the times.

Winners of beauty contests are remembered for some time; they grow older and are forgotten. In my opinion when comparison of beauty and brain comes to last faze we all go with character because beauty stays for a period of time but character stands till we die. In the gracious sense we follow those persons who have a character. For example world follows M.K. Gandhi, Einstein, Lokmanya Tilak or Nelson Madela not for his looks, but for their character because character is a source to identify the qualities of a person. These men were not well built, muscular or broad shouldered handsome guys. They had brains not brawns to show off. As we know “face is the index of mind”, our beauty deeply depends on our thinking, behaviour, character, etc these are the works of our brain. What the command given by our brain is done through our body. So according to me, both beauty and brain go hand in hand.

Why is the world obsessed so much with beauty? Appearances are so deceptive. But, most men and women try to look beautiful /handsome. Men and women try to copy actors and actresses. So much money is spent on camouflaging original looks; people are ready to go under knives of plastic surgeons just to change their originality. If somebody is labeled as ‘beautiful’ ‘handsome’ or ’cute’ is close to the mirror out of ‘vanity’, but out of insecurity. We forget that there are drawbacks to being attractive. As they are under much greater pressure to maintain their appearance. Also, studies show that attractive people don’t benefit from the ‘bias for beauty’ in terms of self-esteem. They often don’t trust praise of their work or talents, believing positive evaluations to be influenced by their appearance.

Beauty and brain insolently go hand in hand in the sense that all intelligent people seem beautiful once we get to know them closely. And that is pleasant experience. One should be beautiful by brain i.e., beauty by thoughts not by physical beauty. I wish to quote here example of APJ Abdul Kalam. He is not handsome literally; but when you hear him, he is the most handsome man! Mother Teresa became the most beautiful woman because of her compassionate qualities.

“Looking for a slim, homely and fair girl for our son” – that is usually how most matrimonial ads read, the stress being on the word “fair” and “slim”. Many say it is proof of our obsession with a person’s skin colour. The cosmetic industry is growing in leaps and bounds because of our obsession with looks, colour and shape.

So with or without beauty success can be achieved or not is not an issue. If a person has talent then he can achieve his goals.

I think the Indian cinema – Bollywood grew with some intelligent actresses like Smita Patil, Shabana Azmi and Dipti Naval. Also some offbeat actors not very handsome in appeal but very intelligent guys like Nasiruddin Shah, Sanjiv Kumar and Faroqu Shaikh. They portrayed very complex characters on screen and off screen too they are/were intelligent, well read and gifted people. These and many other simple looking men and women have given some most astonishing masterpieces to the cinema world.

I am amazed with Smita Patil’s looks. Her half smile, her sense of wanting to belong, her wariness and her lack of pretence made her the most beautiful woman. The actor zapped thousands of her admirers even today with the awesome shades in her portrayals as Uma in Bhumika or Sulabha in Umbartha, her poignancy in Bazaar and the turbulence of Sonbai in Mirch Masala. Smita looks the gorgeous, sexy adivasi woman in Jait Re Jait.  In her movies, she beautifully blended her sensitive outer frailty with an inner strength to create an experience that would always be unforgettable for movie-goers. Her dusky complexion had many admirers as the country was beginning to break the stereotypical notions of beauty, and Smita Patil was the perfect example of an Indian beauty.

Can beauty be defined by age, gender, color, body shape or size? Who gets to decide? Multibillion-dollar beauty and fashion industries both shape and depend on the cult-like worship of what physical attributes the public sees as beautiful. And most men and women feel the effects of those decisions.

It is much easier and safer to be your original self. It does not cost, it does not hurt. All those humans are beautiful with the ability to laugh; there are so many funny things happening around. Life is funny and entertaining. Beautiful people are imaginative. Our human awareness, which also gives us the capacity for abstract thought, is our greatest gift, and yet so few of us ever fully use this trait. Beautiful people are spiritual; a belief and faith in something bigger than our existence is significant to living. Beautiful people are rebellious – ready to experiment with new thoughts and new approaches.

Human beings are able to perceive beauty in the way that one may perceive the perfection of the universe. If you consider perfection of universe, we are beautiful because we are a part of it, though we are also capable of creating and experiencing beauty in millions of different forms. Beautiful people don’t really fit in cultural norms; they are different and they are unique.

We cannot limit our lives. The world is an amazing yet unusually a creepy place. This world is flawed to a great extent. No institution can be trusted. Anything is possible, we all can be happy and fulfilled if we have the guts to be truly free and have the wisdom to shrink our egos and quit taking ourselves so damn seriously.