We tend to choose familiarity everywhere in life. We prefer knowledge of something through previous experience which increases our awareness; we go for things which matches our perception. We feel convenient with known people, known surrounding, known food items, known fragrance, known location etc.  It’s a sort of fixation. In social psychology, this effect is sometimes called the familiarity principle. familiarity has been defined as relational knowledge of another individual. Familiarity is a dyadic construct, based on the relationship between two individuals. Dyadic describes the interaction between two things or between two individuals.

Most often we get along with people who are like us. In psychology this is called certainty of being liked. We assume that someone who has a lot in common with us is more likely to like us. And in turn, we are more likely to like people if we think they like us. We enjoy being around such people because we can carry on enjoyable interactions with them without feeling cautious. It’s just more fun to hang out with someone when you have a lot in common. For example, one dog owner gets friendly with another dog owner easily because they have so much in common to share about their pets. Their love for dog makes them familiar with each other.  

The mere-exposure effect is a psychological phenomenon by which people tend to develop a preference for things merely because they are familiar with them. People who are familiar with each other’s indulgences, preferences and personalities can communicate more quickly. There is a connection and level of familiarity that streamlines and simplifies dialogue and decision-making. These “familiar people” collaborate and work faster and smarter because they understand how the other in a group thinks.

In marriage, when the partners cannot adjust or are unable to tolerate the time and money a partner puts into nurturing hobby, it can become a source of conflict.  

There is a large body of research which confirms that we tend to like people who are similar to us. But, the reasons why we like people who are like us can be complex; first, there is a difference between actually having a lot in common with someone which is called ‘actual similarity’ and believing that we have a lot in common which is ‘perceived similarity’. But research conducted by Condon & Crano in 1988, shows that perceived similarity has a stronger effect on attraction than actual similarity.

For example, Srinivasa Ramanujan and Godfrey Harold Hardy’s friendship bloomed as Hardy was the only one to recognize Ramanujan’s genius, Hardy brought him to Cambridge University, and was his friend and mentor for many years. The two collaborated on many mathematical problems, although the Riemann Hypothesis (a complex mathematical ratio) continued to defy even their joint efforts. It’s said that the role played by Ramanujan’s tutor Hardy in his life is very great. The Cambridge mathematician worked tirelessly with the Indian genius, to tame his creativity within the then current understanding of the field. It was only with Hardy’s care and mentoring that Ramanujan became the scholar the world knows him as today. I am giving this example to elaborate how similar interest bosoms friendship in two very different individuals. In this case it was mathematics. Both theses geniuses were very different in many ways yet the friendship among them brought out the base in the genius Ramanujan.    

When people take decisions about partnership in life based on actual similarity, often it doesn’t work especially in marriages. For example, a lady meets a new man. Gets along for few years and makes him her soulmate. It excites her like a new adventure. She feels the spark, passion and many good points in the man. She makes him her soulmate. She’s having a lot of fun, whilst learning and discovering more about this new soulmate in her life.

A few months or years go by and it seems like the spark has gone.  She starts feeling her life a little dull now.  She takes this person for granted. Because she knows the man inside out, she knows everything about him. She runs out of things to talk about, doing things together with him bores her because of too much of similarity. At this juncture, she perhaps starts ignoring some good points about him and notices more of his bad points instead. That’s the Law of Familiarity in action. The more time you spend with a person, the more you get familiar with him/her, the more you take the person for granted.

Similarity comforts us for some time, it helps taking thing little easy, it helps us relaxing, but it does not help us when we get challenged. When adversities arise in life, you need different strengths to fight. You also need new ideas, people to correct you when you are miserable.  If you hang out only with people who are like you, you can be out of touch with the big, lovely diverse world out there.

When we become reasonably affluent and reasonably successful in life, we tend to neglect most basic needs of ours. We become so busy that we neglect proper food, proper sleep, we get isolated from our friends, isolated from family members, and stress becomes our only companion. How much money is sufficient for us? Which car model, how big house, how much gold, what bank balance will make us happy? We have absolutely no answers. The greed for more drives us to become lonely in life; it leads us often discarding our health, our relationships, our zeal, our personal growth, and our desire to contribute beyond ourselves. It makes us so selfish and nothing seems to fulfill our desires. And, desires are very illusive in nature.

Throughout the first half of the 20th century, there were two dominant theories in psychology. The first one was the psychoanalysis of Sigmund Freud;  in his view, human beings are almost entirely driven by primitive urges like sex and aggression. These ever-present impulses must be managed if we are to live together in civilized society. This leaves many people terribly diverged at an unconscious level. A miserable, unfulfilled existence is avoidable if urges are managed well. And, the second theory is called behaviorism by J. B. Watson and B. F. Skinner in which human beings are compared to oversized lab rats; because human are programmed or conditioned to behave the way they do by factors outside of their control. They have no mind, no will of their own. Their feelings are not real and therefore do not matter. People are simply programmable machines who can be manipulated into doing anything. Both theories psychoanalysis and behaviorism had dehumanized our understanding of ourselves and what it means to be human.

In the middle of the previous century, Abraham Maslow’s need pyramid manifesto was introduced which makes us look inwardly to reflect on whether our lower level needs really are being met sufficiently and it also aims to show some possible ways to increase our exponential abilities to grow and thrive on the higher levels we seek. The lower level needs are physiological needs, security needs and social needs and the higher level needs are esteem needs and self actualization needs. Maslow said that people are trapped in never-ending needs and desires; when one need is satisfied the other crops up which leads to a struggle of mankind chasing to satisfy his unmet needs.

Minimalism helps us live purpose-driven life.  What is minimalism? Minimalism is simply getting rid of the desire of excess in life and focusing on what is important so as to find happiness, fulfillment, and freedom. It helps us achieve something ‘higher’ in life.  It inspires us to quick fix our personal or professional success, spiritual enlightenment or any other high level goal. It teaches us to be grounded and self-disciplined in life. And, above all it makes us happy and positive people.

Well, minimalism doesn’t say that it is inherently wrong with owning material possessions. But, when we have too much, it consumes our energy getting more and more attached to maintaining it. We assign such a lot of importance to our materialistic assets. Minimalism simply allows us to detach from the excess. There are many successful minimalists who lead appreciably different lives. It helps us reclaim our time; it allows us to live in the moment; pursue our passion; discover our mission thus allowing us to experience real freedom. It allows us focus on our health and helps grow as individuals by contributing beyond ourselves. By incorporating minimalism into our lives, we can get rid of superfluous attachments which drain our energies.

There is no strict code or an arbitrary set of rules to become accustomed to the minimalistic lifestyle. Yet, it is not all that easy to take the first step to the detachment. But, the fact is that once you adopt it, the journey gets easier and easier. To begin with, you need to make fundamental changes in your mindset, actions, and habits. It helps us to travel the life’s journey lighter because of lesser baggage.  We need so little actually to survive. Minimalism creates more room for what is important. When we clear the clutter we lose that claustrophobic feeling and create the room to fill up our lives with meaning instead of redundant possessions. It allows us let go greed, debt, obsession and overtaxing. This in turn creates an opening to do the things we love, things that we never seem to have time for.

And, while practicing minimalism, we suddenly realize that all the stuff we are surrounded with is merely a distraction. Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy comfort. After the initial comfort is satisfied, that’s where our obsession with money should end. It’s hard not to get roped into the consumerism trap. We therefore need constant reminders that it’s a false sense of happiness. While we enjoy the materialism, we should also recognize that it’s not all that worth it. When we cling onto too many things we only create bewilderment and puzzles; therefore, the fewer things we have to worry about, the more peace we get. It’s as simple as that.

With minimalism you naturally de-cluttering our life; happiness naturally comes because you gravitate towards the things that matter most. You see clearly the false promises in all the clutter, it’s like a broken shield against life’s true essence. It also makes you more efficient and thus you will find more time to concentrate by having refocused your priorities. There is really a lot of joy by enjoying slowing down. When you look at monks, they have no fear because they don’t have anything to lose. That brings such a lot of relief and charm to their life. In whatever you wish to pursue you can excel, if you aren’t plagued with the fear of losing all your worldly possessions. Obviously you need to take the appropriate steps to put a roof over your head, but also know that you have little to fear except fear itself.

The entire minimalist lifestyle promotes individuality and self reliance. This will make you more confident in your pursuit of happiness. Minimalism reduces the amount of distractions to allow us to enjoy and focus on the main message of a piece of art.

Historically, Buddhist monks were allowed to own only 8 possessions; their robe which consisted of 3 pieces of fabric, a begging bowl, girdle, water-filter, a needle to repair their robe, and a razor to shave their head. They spent studying their scriptures and living by the path Buddha outlined, eventually endeavoring Nirvana.  Buddha taught that suffering is caused because of desires and cravings.  The Bible is also packed full of Minimalist ideals.  The Bible states very clearly that life is about following God, not amassing possessions.  Distractions are to be discarded and selflessness is praised.

Minimalism is slowly picking up steam. There are lots of youngsters adopting minimalistic lifestyles. I salute them all whole-heartedly for their guts. It’s not too late for us to re-prioritize our lives around those things which would really make us happy by discarding those things that we don’t really need. We’ve been trained subconsciously to amass wealth; the economy benefits when we can’t control our cravings, but if we decide, we can snap out of it. Enjoy minimalism!!

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