Infatuation happens quite often in our life, which springs from a false set of beliefs one may ascribe to the object of one’s infatuation. It is a part and parcel of our life. It’s a feeling of foolish or obsessively strong adoration felt for somebody, it’s an unexplained admiration for somebody, suddenly growing interest in somebody for some reason. We like someone for good voice, the way a person walks, a particular teacher for teaching style or the way the teacher dresses, a neighbour for her smile…we get infatuated for something strong yet reasonless. The attachment stays on for a while or sometimes even for a longer time. It is unexplained but reality that infatuation can be often confused with love. However, infatuation is characteristically short-lived while love stands the test of time.

It can surely be confusing, especially in the beginning. But the earlier we realise the symptoms of infatuation it is better, because It saves us from some shocks and emotional ordeals. Most children and teens experience infatuation and mistake it for love. One of the major concerns of parents of school going children is the difficulty to handle their children’s infatuations which only creates distractions in achieving academic goals.

I give here the example of a 1965 Hindi movie ‘Teen Deviyan’ in which Dev Anand romances three heroines. The movie was ahead of its times. Three attractive women throw themselves at Dev Anand while he gently keeps stepping aside. The women want him but they were also willing to move on if it doesn’t work. In this movie the difference between infatuation and love is beautifully shown. Dev struggles to finalize whom to marry out of the three pretty and Sauvé ladies. He takes help of a hypnotist who helps him imagine his future married life with all three ladies; he sees his marriage with 2 ladies disastrous. Then he imagines the simplest of the three heroines out of his life, giving him freedom to do as he wants, making him realise that he doesn’t want to lose her. During the session with hypnotist Dev realises that two of the three heroines are infatuated and attracted to him, so is he with them. But, one of them is his true love. 

Another movie ‘Dear Zindagi’ made in 2016, shows the protagonist young Alia Bhat getting infatuated with much elder psychologist Dr Jahangir played by Shahrukh Khan.  Alia Bhatt a young aspiring director, looking for a way to breathe in life, she has complicated relations with her parents also. She feels that she is falling in love with the psychologist though she takes counselling sessions from him. The director of this movie explores the fact that age gap does not matter. The director has portrayed infatuation of a young girl towards her much elder therapist in an aesthetic manner.

There are a few symptoms of infatuation that differentiate it from love. Infatuation consists of an immediate, intense physical attraction to someone. A person who is infatuated finds it hard to think of anything but the other person. Brief encounters are played over and over in one’s head; it may be difficult to eat and there may be a rather constant state of excitement. Infatuation is rather short-lived, however, lasting perhaps only a matter of months or as long as a year or so. It tends to be based on chemical attraction and an image of what one thinks the other is all about.

True love is showing the person you love, who really you are; including the weaknesses or grey shades of personality that you fear are not favourable. Honesty with oneself and others brings truth. True love entails being comfortable and completely yourself with another human being and being accepted for who you are without judgment. It is also important to remember, that love is a two-way feeling. Not only do you need to feel loved and accepted completely for whom you are, but in order to foster true love in your relationship, you need to provide that same love without judgment to your partner.

I want give a beautiful movie example of true love. The movie is Forrest Gump. There’s no simpler, truer love than what Forrest feels for Jenny in the movie. Forrest is earnest, devoted, and brazenly honest in his feelings for his childhood best friend. It’s love that forms his character which includes the love between parent and child, between brothers-in-arms, and between him and Jenny. Even though Forrest is, from a young age, deemed to have a below average IQ, it’s his strength of feeling and sense of duty that the people he encounters in life remember about him.  

There is one more feeling between infatuation and love that is attraction. Attraction is generally romantic attraction. It is sexual or physical. Occasionally it is also emotional, and intellectual. Attraction has a hidden motive unlike love. And, once that motive or desire is fulfilled, you lose interest in that person. In attraction, the desire may be out of a need to have physical intimacy. You may also be attracted to someone’s intellect. However, love is unconditional and is not followed by any personal need.

Infatuation is a normal part of the early stages of getting to know someone or of a new relationship. It feels very intense, which is why many people confuse infatuation and attraction with love.

I came across the term sapiosexual on social media. After some quick research, I learned that it is referred to a person who is sexually stimulated by intelligence, or a famous word used for intelligent person is ‘’nerd’’.

While physical attractiveness is an integral part while selecting a mate, often people do go for intelligence also as a trait.  It is often seen that kindergarten kids do love to have beautiful teachers, that’s because it’s an innate human perception that that beautiful people are more intelligent. First, children as young as kindergarteners share the perception that beautiful people are more capable and nicer.  Many studies have found that good-looking people are considered more talented, intelligent, persuasive and socially skilled. More importantly, among adults, the common perception holds both in men as well as women. While the fact is beauty has nothing to do with intelligence.

If you are more interested in having an intelligent mate you are termed as ‘’sapiosexual’’.  If you find wittiness, knowledge, good command on knowledge, a fantastic diction, and practicality more attractive in the mate your chose, you are called sapiosexual. The term first rose to prominence in 2014, when the dating site OKCupid expanded the list of sexual orientation with sapiosexuality – its many users could identify with it. But use of the term goes as far back as 2002, in a live journal blog post by a user named Wolfieboy. Later, the term became a hit. Meaning of the word Sapio is Intelligent in Latin. Many dating apps were launched to cater for this crowd. Many people expressed that they were sick of dating just attractive yet mindless mates. After the initial fun, they need to talk/chat on variety of topics; depth of life, politics, environment etc. and a ‘dumbo’ (somebody who is less intelligent or mindless) is a big bore.

Many dating apps are dumped because people find them sick or superficial hook-up apps.  Sapio is an evolution in dating apps, where physical and intellectual attraction is put on an equal level. True matches happen when one gets attracted to how someone thinks, how he/she behaves, and the deeper mind level. Sapiosexual people are people who find intelligence most important trait in a sexual partner.

Although, it is often observed that men are attracted to the idea of dating intelligent women but don’t actually like the reality of it. When it comes to marrying a lady, they distance themselves more from her, they tend to rate her as lesser attractive. On the contrary, many women prefer intelligent men more attractive.  In simple words beauty is impermanent; it is the state, condition, manner, or style in which a person appears, and it is outward. It does not help one everywhere in life.

In conclusion, in a society where physical appearance is equated to attractiveness and sex appeal, sapiosexual is gaining importance in recent years. People have started looking out for “intelligence” which is a good sign.